Thursday, December 27, 2007


Finally the year comes to an end and I already feel like my miseries are ending with the year ending. I have never taken any resolution in all these years. I am reaching a quarter century and have probably already lived 1/3rd of my life and can’t think bout anything good that I have done to myself or the people around me or for anyone in the world at all. So I am thinking of taking a resolution this year. Not one but many! Probably for all these years I have wasted wasting myself in a wasted world of my own.

Come to think of it, the best year in my life was 2004! 2005 was good enough, no complains. But yea 2006 was getting to my head and 2007 finally made me into a nothing n I was about to lose myself or rather I did and have come back to life again now, thanks to the most understanding doc in the world and the most loving mom in the world who are still by my side. Now my first resolution is to keep their faith on me and give them success by becoming a happy person as I was in 2004. I guess I’ve to make a lotta changes to become myself again. 2004! Wow it was a dream life. If I find a time machine I would go back and stop it rite there and definitely would have never made any of the mistakes I did or regretted later.

So I was analyzing what was so special about this year that makes me so happy when I think of it. Yes I was in the best college with an awesome set of friends, partying all the time, learning mass communication (supposed to be what I wanted to learn from childhood but dint learn anything tho), staying in Sathyam cinema and watching 3 movies a day, really kewl lectures from whom I’ve learnt a lot (ahem), working towards my MS and what not! I can keep on listing them. No I cant get back or do any of this cos I am not 21 anymore. So I decide to look deeper into everything and take the essence of it.

First and foremost, I was being loved. I believe that’s the only thing that keeps me going or anyone for that matter. I was in a perfect relationship with someone perfect, which might never happen again in my life. Nevermind! And then I fell in love! Truly madly deeply crazily in love with someone who loved me the same way back. I had the most romantic days of my life though virtually it was true! I wrote a lot, poetry, scripts, magazine articles, copies for campaigns, simply put as college projects which meant the world to me. I could write and I was appreciated. There was a bunch of people who thought I wrote well. There were a couple of friends who considered me a nice person in spite of all my negatives. I felt good about myself outwardly and inwardly. Took care of my appearance and felt good looking. I was motivated to look forward to something by working towards GRE and applying abroad. I was achieving something, going somewhere, had a future. And YES my kids! The one PR campaign that showed me who I am, the love within me and what made me happy and how one could find happiness and love so easily instead of searching for it everywhere.

So here comes 2008! Another leap year after 2004. I am gonna take a bigger leap this time. I will believe in love once again. I will be a happy person; I will bring happiness to people around me. I wont get into my lonely dark world and cry out for love. I will fall in LOVE once again with all faith and belief and make it the perfect relationship I was looking for instead of searching for the right one who loves me, I will find my career in writing with confidence by writing positive, thinking creative and most of all have a good self image, I will take care of my health and body to feel good looking again eat right work out :P, listen to the one person who loves me unconditionally keep her happy by being happy and a good gal yes am trying to become a teetotaler (really really com’on!) and am sure I’ll achieve it soon, work towards a future if not studying abroad something else to look forward to as a happy future, travel the world or atleast DREAM and plan for it and work for it, follow what life has taught me and last but not the least, visit my kids often love them more find more kids and bring more happiness to myself!

YES! I will DREAM! I will LOVE! No force inside or outside me can stop it again and if it does m gonna throw it outa me or outa my life! Strong stronger strongest is my path now! I am sure I’ll be on my blog in 2009 Jan! Lets c if I keep up all this then I’ll b a better person definitely in love (probably married) :D with lotsa kids where ever I go. Guess I just found my time machine as I was typing my heart out… bye bye I gotta catch it soon….

Hurray! will be on from 2008!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Am 40 percent lady!

You Are 40% Lady

You tend to make up your rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside.
And while you try to be a lady (sometimes), your behavior is often quite shocking.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Mauritius – Paradise on the Indian Ocean

The Indian Ocean is known for its beautiful oceanic shades of blue and Mauritius is known for endless white fine sand beaches right beside it. The place is abundant with scenic mountains and birds, and is definitely a tropical paradise offering amazing natural beauty. There are major hotels and resorts offering high-class service, the place has a lot of recreations including golf, trekking, spa, ecotourism, etc. It has a multi-cultured society of Indians, Africans, British and French leaving lot of room for many festivals and celebrations through out the year entertaining the tourists. Completely surrounded by coral reefs, the lagoons are full of marine life. Mauritius is an ideal place for honeymooners with the luxury and comfort it provides, along with its natural beauty.

Places of visit in Mauritius are just too many to fit in here, though you would rather sit in a stylish French café and sip some imported wine. Mauritius is well known for its beautiful sugarcane plantations. The Lion Mountain is another important place to go and a marvelous place to hike with eye-catching views of the beach, running straight along the ridge and up over a rocky area to the peak. Tamarin Falls is a series of seven magnificent waterfalls, near a reservoir. But beware! It is like a dream, a beautiful place you can just get lost in it, although it’s a great place for surfing. Le Morne Peninsula gets it’s name from a vast rock called Le Morne Brabant. It has the best beaches in the country and is a place mainly for tourists to visit. Amongst beaches and trendy beach resorts is the busy city of Port Louis, the capital of Mauritius, to complete your honeymoon with great nightlife, cinema and casinos.

The Black River Gorges National Park is a highland area near Curepipe with mountain roads and a large reservoir called Mare aux Vacoas and a lot of coniferous trees. The sacred lake Grand Bassin and Plaine Champagne, the largest natural area on Mauritius are closer to this park. The Riviere Noire Falls is in Piton de la Petite Riviere Noire, the highest point in Mauritius. In the Blue Safari; a submarine in the Indian Ocean with unique and amazing view of the underwater world, one can be one among the fishes and corals and swim through the clear water inside.

The town of Mahebourg, closer to the international airport is a commercial center. There is a beautiful bay in this town, where you can take sunbath and relax before actually reaching Mauritius. Mauritius is easily reachable through air since many airlines from all parts of the world fly to Mauritius and the sea route is mostly used for cargo transport.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole or a scar.


There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.
His Father gave him a bag of nails
and told him that every time he lost his
temper, he must hammer a nail into the back
of the fence.

The first day the boy had
driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next
few weeks, as he learned to control his
anger, the number of nails hammered daily
gradually dwindled down. He discovered
it was easier to hold his temper than to
drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the ! day came when the boy didn't
lose his temper at all. He told his father
about it and the father suggested that the
boy now pull out one nail for each day that he
was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally
able to tell his father that all the nails
were gone. The father took his son by the
hand and led him to the fence He said, "You
have done well, my son, but look at the
holes in the fence. The fence will never be
the same. When you say things in anger,

they leave a scar just like this one. You can
put a knife in a man and draw it out.
It won't matter how many times you say "I'm
sorry", the wound is still there.

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They
make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share words of praise
and they always want to open their hearts to us."

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole or a scar.

When Pain plays Hero

Here we go ……… I have decided to bring this blog bak to life not jus by writing but to write in a more pleasant way or shud I say not my kinda way. Yes it shud b a surprise to all u ppl who wud b expecting the same old depressed crap from me … nah nah … guess wat I ve grown up! No not really m still growing outa it … I dono wat m gonna write on ..I read somewr that writers block can be cured by writing down random thoughts scribbling continuously whatever comes to the mind! Now that I have an audience for it … I decided I shud do it …….

BLOCK! No this is not gonna happen! I have decided to survive and not look for a reason to do so. Every human being needs a motivation something to look forward to in life to move on, knowingly or unknowingly. Life sucks otherwise like it did for me .. no reason to wake up or work or even breathe. But when I think of it now I cant really relate my depression to one reason. I cant really answer if someone asked me y the fuk were u depressed! But now I know there r ppl in the world down in the dumps who need serious help. Doctors and treatments do help or maybe they don’t I don really know. It is a disease as pathetic as anything else but ppl feel ashamed to say it out cos they r not really understood. Like any part of the body the brain also goes for a toss sometimes.

Modern psychiatry doesn’t believe in the ‘mind’ at all. Its funny they calculate everything only with the chemicals in the brain but call it ‘mind care clinics’ hehe .. neways they think humans r just a machine and we work, think and act depending on what brain commands. We r jus flesh n blood, emotions r jus hormonal. Feels like m told m not a person at all. But yes I believe in science I gota agree with them. In the process, ppl say ive lost my funnybone. Yea? I find it true too. I cant write for nuts how much this has got into my life. Lost all my friends, lost my talent I based my career on, hurtin myself real bad losin self esteem n confidence is the worst part of anything. Now am in the best stage! Tryin to bring bak everything into my life isn’t really so easy wen the after effects are so deep. But m sure they r not unrecoverable.

No I still have no reason to live. But I decide to survive!

Now m gonna stop using this as my personal diary and start writing good stuff trust me I will … (wink wink). Maybe I shud start with changing my template to a sweeter one!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

i needed to read this

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

and i still got paid!

Since I din have anything to write about I wanna write about how I don have anything to write about. Just keeping the blog alive and my mind alive too. Everybody seems to be working hard no they don’t… everybody seems to be bored at work. I’ve been working for the last few months and am already bored to core in my life. But wen we r really bored and knock someone else to check wat they are doing… that’s wen you kno ur not alone.. how do everyone overcome their free time at work. I do agree some ppl r busy I’m very jealous of them. Idle mind is devil's workshop and the devil has played well on my head boredom turns life into a void! Now wait wat am I writing here.. will there be people to read this too…if u do temme wat u do to overcome boredom at work!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Shower me some inspiration

I wanna write some love notes
that grow into sweet lullabies
My empty space is echoing
I can hear voices humming
No words of goodness has ever occured
to me; i write only proud tragedies
My cry baby heart lost everyone
HE told me my angel smokes
filled me with dreams and hopes
Said my baby makes the world look pretty
and vanished into thin air already
i spread my arms n look everywhere
ugly fat old n lonely!
Noone to read my song
wen i finally write from my alive brain
Cant rem the last time i spoke
or bid goodbye to my words
Fallen apart! pick my pieces! Put me together!
Am back from my grave lookin 4 luv again
Shower me some inspiration!
Hello? i hate u! Don leave me ...

I really dono wat to write .. some selfish ppl saved me .. am alive
and now i dono wat i shud do.. if anyone is readin this..suggestions plz..i need some inspiration to write ..this is the only place i was alive wen i was dead!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Same time last year

Sept 07 and am here still with the same feeling, except that it has grown into a bigger thingy and eating me up now … it has a certificate and am still the same… wen will I get out and get a life or will I ever have one?

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Movie and a Meal

Food food food ... i ve been craving for food since a month now .. no wonder i ve grown visibly bulky .. i go for a movie and its about food too!

'Anyone can cook' shud ve been the name for the movie ‘Ratatouille’ or to make it simple ‘Finding Nemo 2’! Yes I really loved the movie, nothing to beat Nemo and his eye movements/Voice tho..its pronounced ‘Rat-a-tou-ee’ I guess! I missed Dori a lot while watchin this movie. Ppl actually clapped in the end of the movie like they wud after a gr8 live performance.

‘Remy is a rat, constantly risking life in an expensive French restaurant because of his love of good food, as well as a desire to become a chef. Yet, obviously, this is a rather tough dream for a rat. But opportunity knocks when a young boy, who desperately needs to keep his job at the restaurant, despite his lack of cooking abilities, discovers and partners the young Remy.’ – IMDB.

Truly unbelievable logic-less story but too good for an animated movie. Emotions were typical of PIXAR ANIMATION! Fell in love with it.. need i say.,. an animated movie about food wat more can I ask for to make me fall for it.. ‘A challenge for the filmmakers was creating computer-generated food animations that would appear delicious. Gourmet chefs in both the US and France were consulted and animators attended cooking classes at San Francisco-area culinary schools to understand the workings of a commercial kitchen’- Wikipedia

Thanks a lot! The movie was a deliciously new recipe, for the first time tempting to cook than eat. Now I definitely need to write about a restaurant, probably the best ever I been to in chennai! Its called Benjarong, a Thai restaurant that is so different, a welcome change, esp for ppl who live in coffee day or beach like me.

The refreshingly new restaurant has awesome service, unbelievably Thai-ish mouth watering food and good ambience and they serve complimentary lemon grass to drink and "Mien Khum" which is a Thai version of Paan with coconut flakes, chilli pieces, lemon, onions, peanuts and a sweet sauce, except that its a starter. I loved the place right away and decided to blog about it. The pineapple rice brought bak memories of Thai restaurants in US and made me eat till the last morsel of rice. If you are in Chennai its time you visit this place, lil expensive but sure worth it! well yea I cudnt try the meat and desserts cos i don like them, so cant write much bout em’ but am sure they are just as fine! Happy eating!

Benjarong, 146, TTK Road, Alwarpet, Chennai' Ph: 4322640/ 7110061 Open 12-30 to 2-45 p.m. and 7-30 to 11-45 p.m. Credit cards accepted, valet parking. Average cost per meal, per head Rs.350. - The Hindu

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Back with no BANG

well am back .. or so i think ...

i ve nothin to write on .. been inside a single hospital room for last 2 weeks.. has driven me crazy.. too claustrophobic yes am scared to even go alone somewhere.. wonder if its the same me ..

I went thro some good bad and ugly experiences and so is the result of the therapy on me!! Psychedelic literally!! my life has taken a new turn .. i like ttis difference but i dont ... am too good to be me!!!!! i dono where am goin .. but m goin on .. with no interest or goal.. but i cant stop again ... like i did .. empty still remains as hollow as ever!

wat to write on next? any suggestions? as of now .. heres another blog test

What kinda blogger am i?

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.

You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.

You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!

A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Wanna know how long u gonna live?

Read some crap on relationships and harmony and watever if ur bored, it will sound good to u if ur depressed, well written, if u need some 'hope' to carry on.. if ur 'hopeless' like me just jump down to the last part it is super fun!

Here it comes! enter your answers honestly and you ll know ur real age (health age now) and how many more yrs ur gonna live if u continue ur lifestyle the same way.. only thing u can do is (i.e. for ppl who wanna live)to decrease ur real health age as much as possible by changin ur habits and hence increasing the number of yrs ur gonna live possibly..

Here's the link! it actually seems very true to me cos they measure it on the rite terms not some crap quiz u find often on the internet at least i believe so...

Even if you are least interested in knowing how long ur gonna live least to get an insight into ur present lifestyle and habits and where ur goin wrong i think u shud take this and sincerely write ur real health age and number of yrs ur gonna live more my comments page! DEAL - I WILL WRITE MINE FINALLY UR SURE TO GET A SHOCK!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

rEbOrN 2 lIvE tHiS dEatH aGaiN?

Watch this space........ till i get some words in my half baked empty head to put down here .... from my broken rotten so-called heart

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Some personality tests!! Look at wat they callin me :>

Brain Lateralization Test Results
Right Brain (64%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (12%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain
Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by

Sunday, August 05, 2007


Confession! i really don like my title!This is my 50Th POST and wanted it to be special. i never think b4 i write as u all kno very well u've been readin all the crap on my head for the last one year!!!!!!! YES it is a coincidence this happens to be the day i started my blog last year AUG 5th 2006! Well first person i can think of is 'the Skeleton crew' if not for u man! i never knew wat a blog is or how to build it tech guru thanks not only for helpin me ... but motivatin me to write again to be myself again wen i almost thought i wud never!

Miss. BLIND whole lota thanks and LOVE to u babe without ur encouragement and words that said 'its ur blog u write wat u want' and ur 'fuk u better write more' attitude wen i gave up in between thinkin i cant write for nuts... ur the best sweet heart muah! VJ ....u ve been here all along from day1! to comment motivate and probably max hits on my blog is from u! esp givin honest comments and not just fake 'yea its great' for everything... u told me directly wen was actin dumb u told me wen i wrote good... my perfect critic! Luci-fer! or s8ntO (however u spell it) loves to lol at my most depressin blogs ..well but he makes sure he comments! and makes the topic feel lighter... thats really a great effort! thanks man! plz continue! don mind my impulsive frustrated replies.. n they don mean a thing! always liked ur comments! keep m comin!

Mr,B ! avatar da t a, wat can i say! on and off stormy we r .. but one thing we kno is this blog will bring us bak .. i ll b sure to c ur comment everyday! sometimes anonymous sometimes in diff avtars... hey u ve become a great writer i seriously think u shud start a blog! Sriram...asshole... always mocks me .. but was great inspiration (tho negative) for me to write about things i ve never sat n thought about .. well now as hes been a nice guy for sometime stupid best friend... asked me to earn thro ad sense! well yea take the whole share not a penny i got yet! thanks da machan .. i kno i always take it down on u ... just that ur too close to say thanks ... feels odd! n hey rem its called POST not BLOG ok?

My frost friends esp Rums babe and mr.AA tho came in late in my blog's life have encouraged me lots to write esp AA, come on hes the biggest fan i ve ever had, can make me feel like a queen wen m in depth of hell!Appreciate it man! ;) but all my frost friends my baby sneha always told me not to lose hope and that m a gr8 writer! nice but dono if its really true tho.. Pointblack, very recent, but everyday visitor.. plz keep commentin babe ur an awesome writer i need ur reviews! Ravi? Where r u? used to comment a lot! not findin u anywhere.. u got an active blog was an inspiration to me wen i first started!

oh yea how can i forget all the anonymous people who jus come in once in a while and write and vanish without a name! that reminds me of orkut! (now u kno i actually don miss it! dont ya?) helped me get a lota hits and comments not anymore tho but a very good start...well orkut is a crazy world... and my orkut mates Prasanna and Arun where are u these days! start commentin again .. cant lose it just cos m not on orkut nemore! and last but not least.... BUSY PEOPLE who don have time to chek my blog and dono to fill in their name wen they post a comment (or don have time/interest to read and write on my blog)... thanks a lot .. 'your BLOG is a KIller' is a line that will stay on my mind till my last breath! PS: I hate the title still.. i used it dumb f***!

Now if i left anyone out forgive me ... i ve never thought so much b4 i wrote something and i wanted this to be a short post hehe! ok i am gonna finish! i really wanna thank my BLOG for helpin me get over so many things, relationships, open my mind, let out frustrations, show all my anxiety insecurity, trash it, bash it, screw it, fuk it, keep me occupied wen m empty and bored, open up without feelin guilty or afraid of being judged... it took everything for a year, helped me free my mind, atleast a little. A friend i can lean on anytime! Rems me i can write after all (although with a lots of errors!) and made me take up my lost career from scratch again! ....... Long live SANSMERCI!

THIS IS MY 50TH POST 365TH DAY AND I VE REACHED 5000 HITS and hows my renovation? i ve worked on it for the last 3 days learnin html from google with noone else's help! Can you believe it? Hope u can c the black blue green comby! an animated splash hit counter showin hits till now and hits on the specific day, a google searh box with an option to search my blog to find posts if you wanna kno my idea about somethin! Added some quotes here and there and made it look shud i say 'less depressin?' for a change! I still have a feeling i forgot to write about something! hmm ॥ hmm .. Hows my pic? n completed profile ;) Hey how bout ading polls? any suggestions?

Lets c ! Hope i live to c 2nd yr anniversary and be able to write till then but guys.............

Sansmerci will live on forever... cos she never actually existed!


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Found this in someone's blog u too try it on urs!


Smoked a cigarette?: Well .. do you breathe?

Crashed a friend's car?: Not exactly but have been the reason for the crash or so he says!

Been in love?: More than my share of pain i deserve ... one too many times truly madly deeply hurt in love

Shoplifted?: Many times wen i was a kid! it was my hobby .. swear not anymore .. i swear!

Sneaked out of your parent's house?: I bang the door and walk out sayin i ll never return atleast once a month .. and 'sneak in' in few hours

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?: Not exactly ... but yea depends on 'the feeling'

Gone on a blind date?: I stopped remembering dates..

Skipped school?: Yes always and i skip office too!!

Been on a plane?: Yea but been months since i ve been on a bus ...

Seen someone die?: Seen death! seen someone 'dying'! seen my most loved one ‘dead’! but never seen someone die!

Purposely set a part of yourself on fire?: Tried .... in vain as usual

Been jet-skiing?: I will NEVER!

Met someone in person from the Internet?: Almost all my friends

Taken pain killers?: Million times .. they kill no PAIN!

Flown a kite?: Tried to once wen i was a kid ... then my bro rem me am a loser never tried again

Built a sand castle?: Yea wen i was a kid .. wen I cud hang out in undies in Marina beach

Gone puddle jumping?: Does walking counts? i do it everyday!

Cheated while playing a game?: Cant rem.. don think so .. i believe in honesty ;)

Been lonely?: Wrong question! Rephrase: Ever been not lonely? NOPE!

Fallen asleep at work or school/college?: First let me learn to sleep at nite!

Used a fake ID?: ID no ... who can replace my pretty face? ;) trust me i never fake it :D

Felt an earthquake?: Yes! that too when I had a back bone injury! poor me

Touched a snake?: I wud die at the first site of it … so I haven’t seen one till now

Slept beneath the stars?: Lied/sat/watched ... not slept .. that word is off my dictionary

Been robbed?: cant think of any .. am too smart!

Been misunderstood? Yes always and vice versa

Won a contest?: A few in school .. other than that in writing yea

Run a red light/stop sign?: Yea lotsa times I don give a damn to them (unless there are bigger vehicles around)

Been suspended from school?: No i was a good gal back then.

Been in a car accident?: yea yea ... more of bikes but car too yea ;) am too accident prone

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night?: Not an Ice cream person packets of potato chips feeling guilty will be my thing

Walked the streets drunk?: You are not supposed to drink and drive rite?

Had déjà vu?: often … nostalgic very very often!

Danced in the moonlight?: Artificial mayb [L] don rem .. yet to meet sucha romantic guy .. lost hope too .. boo hoo

Witnessed a crime?: Define crime ...

Been lost?: Ok u kno wat m gonna say! Lost and empty is wat I am always! So physically NO mentally YES!

Been on the opposite side of the country?: NEVER! Not very interested cant put up with their language and attitude .. still wanna c some important spots mayb someday in life!

Swum in the ocean?: I cant swim above 3 feet or shud I say below 3 feet! But I ve got close to getting drowned in the ocean more than once… no no I was sane … I think so..

Cried yourself to sleep?: Cried to myself yea .. what’s sleep?

Played cops and robbers?: I always play the cop wen I was a kid …what a dramatic change!

Recently colored with crayons?: Not used a pen for long … only keyboard!

Sung karaoke?: NO but I wish … wen noones there … I wanna sing IRIS someday on the mic :D .. stop giggling jackasses! I don think goo goo dolls wud mind!

Paid for a meal with only coins?: hmm.. don rem meals.. mayb in some other stores .. I rem givin a cheque for 1.25 dols once hehe

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?: ALWAYS!

Made prank phone calls?: Well I made a guy propose t0 me on a prank call within 10 mins of conversation .. wat do u think? I was a Pro .. miss those days!

Caught a snow flake on your tongue?: 21 years I wanted to c snow and when I felt it I had nuff .. tongue? :O plzzzzzzzzzzz

Written a letter to Santa Claus?: Never … maybe I shudve .. noone told me bout it..played chrisma chrischild tho many times!

Blown bubbles?: I cant [L]… no pervert I am talking about balloons or bubbles .. watever..!!

Bonfire on the beach?: Nooooooooooooo, now this questionnaire is tryin to make me cry.. wanna do it once atleast that too with a fun crowd !

Cheated on a test?: helped ppl cheat … too lazy to ask for help wen I dono something

Gone skinny-dipping in a pool?: ;;)

Friday, July 20, 2007

I kno sounds like some kids' rhymes!

You ask me to stay and u run away
You ask me to smile and u slap my face
You want me to wait while u fool around
You need me to lean but am never heard
Came running for you and u leave my hand
While I die here alone you have a ball
Am rotting in my grave with nothing else to lose
Sick and tired, I cant breathe I fall
Heart broken death though my dreams were few
You blame me today cos I gave up on you!

(Dedicated to all the guys IN my life .... how often do i have to remind myself i am not a bloody DOORMAT!)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


i dono wat to write about but my head is so empt n idle i need to do somethin b4 i run outa here like a mad bych. i wud rather be takin rest at home which is equally sick!

how can i run outa everywhere how can i reach nowhere where do i find what i want wen i dono wat it is, i look at the traffic n i wonder where is everybody goin, where do i belong what the heck is wrong with me .. m hurt from head to toe ... havent i had nuff yet? somebody get me outa this ... m sittin here countin minutes .. i ve been doi this for last 1 yr.. nothin has changed except place and time... so its just me where ever i am .. doesnt matter ... i don wanna stop writing this post cos i dono wat to do next.. but i kno slowly i ll get rid of this too.. or it ll get rid of me ... i think its begining to already aint it? ... i have to count 200 min b4 i get home n start counting again ...

i ve lost everything/everyone in my life i realize it slowly, no it hits me hard only now... m gettin blanker n blanker.. m useless and empty.. maybe i shud start believing in next birth n just give up. somebody push the button.. thats all it needs! (Fullstop)

Sunday, July 15, 2007

I don need no pleasure m sansmerci WAT SAY ;)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

3 in 1 Movie Review!!!!!!!!!!

Ok! Back again .. No no m not missing orkut .. m jus missing work at work .. if u kno wat i mean
Wat i been upto .. i met with an accident sittin at home totally fucked .. well nothin new .. i can c that smile on ur face .. n yea make it broader cos mine is broader than urs ,.. m so happy hurt everywhere .. after all how ll u kno my pain if i don wear it on my body .. ok ok lemme cut the crap n start my work sorry post for the day ..

i saw 3 movies in a row n m gonna write bout each of them ... its funny how it screws ur head wen u watch 3 completely diff kinda movies in a row.. one inspiring .. one depressing and one pakka masala ... yea a post like this!!

I truly from my heart recommend all of you to watch this movie ‘Dead Poets Society’, esp some ppl who I don wanna name here but sure will read my blog who deserves some inspiration (stuck in the world of just 'world' n nothin else.. m sure u din get it!). Its about art love romance and everything that your heart longs for, I could even include death if I have the passion for it .. its so inspiring to do what you want to, 'seize the moment' … to break the rules and look at the world from a different angle, I ve already written about stereotyping so don wanna repeat it here, it cost me a job, my first job and a bunch of friends, I miss everyday! Oh m deviating from the topic .. yea the movie is for every business school bred corporate world maniacs who need to c the world find peace in beauty of rain (my own build up) or just love life as it is n not make it tough and stereotyped! I dono current affairs I don follow the corporate world I don wanna make money I have my own little world my poetry kids writing love rain pain death or whatever but I am what I am you don tell me what am supposed to be …. It’s a typical ‘ we don need no education’ movie! Its inspiring plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust me the next movie m gonna write about is the most depressing ever made or I ve seen in the history of 24 yrs of my life. If a suicidal person (worse than me I mean) watches it, it will push him/her to death. Its ‘Requiem for a Dream’ well the title sounds like the story of my life, doest it? hehe, now don go look for wat Requiem means [;)]. Yea Linkin Park sang it rite ‘In the end it doesn’t even matter’ after all you dream and all you try! I am sure most of you would be googling or searching wikipedia or imdb for the movie, its an underground movie I cudnt get it anywhere, its bout drugs addiction and yea it’s a psycho movie (wen u kno i like it), but if you c it deep nuff it’s a movie about love not just between a guy n a gal, but mother n son, husband n wife, bf gf, the dream u have in every stage of your life, the dream to be a star, to be married, to have kids/grand kids, to live with the one you love and mainly yea to make money and be famous of course! It was like a scare to me that I could be that one day, well my dreams are dead now, but I am in the path … the movie was almost my life exaggerated I could say, I don recommend you to watch it if you are really depressed, but tis a movie everyone shud watch once and throw it out the window, not to be stored in your collection! But shud watch! … or maybe not but I loved it esp the background score its called ‘summer overture’, it stays in your head for hours after the movie is over … its like a voice in ur head u wanna throw out but cant .. I downloaded it immediately… neways .. got fuked after I watched it I was insane for sometime … so if ur already fuked .. BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well the next movie you shud ve guessed by now was ‘Shivaji’! Full time entertainment masala no logic typical Rajni movie I just loved it for no reason but Rajni and Vivek ofcourse. Tried to whistle as much as I cud tho I cudnt! Anyways shreya or shriya whatever her name is looks beautiful, but cud ve shown her face a lil more and din expect a Rajni movie heroine to wear nothing but inner garments in all the songs twas like watchin a kamal movie or porn I shud say .. She cudve atleast worn a blouse for gods sake.. She looks beautiful,.. cudve made use of that .. Hello! Some respect plz! Neways .. I shud say Rajni din touch her much … Rajni is Rajni.. or so I think ..Neways who cares .. din like the music I dono AR Rehman has come down in his standards… But had nice fun as such super masala entertainment!!!!!! Must watch for all Tamilians at least cos it featured in UK top 10 Box office in first week i guess and the highest budget for any movie taken in India or something and has a lot more of records..or atleast for all the hype created... not pretty much evident in the movie tho! Watch it for Thala’s sake.. He looks 20 yrs younger .. I cant believe .. he looks like he used to in those days when he used to act with Ambika Radha kinds I guess 80s, wen I was born .. boo .. awesome .. Money is money ..can do anythin .....ahhhhhhh … Not really!!

MS Word is spittin on me with too many reds n greens m too bored to correct them, that’s what I do at work … this is my space i do what i want (inspired by Dead Poets Societ ;)) isn’t this a long post? Co'mon u have to put up with me .. its jus 11 45 n I have no work till 1 and nothing after lunch either .. I wonder if they gonna pay me at all .. heard they r hiring 2 more copy writers! Ahem for wat??????????? More blogs to read hurray!!

Y no comments on my previous post [:(] and this is the only way i keep in touch online or say with friends as such .. so visit often 'request more comments' too ...

Monday, July 09, 2007

some crap quiz try it if ur as bored as me

You Should Rule Venus
Venus is a mysterious, stormy planet - shrouded in a thick layer of clouds.

You are perfect to rule Venus, because you are quite emotional and volatile yourself.
Your emotions change as rapidly as the weather on Venus, and both you and the planet are incomprehensible to others.

While you are not a logical thinker, you are quite empathetic.
You can care for and understand others, but your emotions swirl too quickly to truly understand yourself.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


i was thinkin of a lota things to write about .. dono which one to give priority! i can make it many posts to make my blog pop or i can jus write crap in here rite now to spend the next 30 mins sittin in office ...

Ok i choose the second option.. since i don wanna go mad! i had so much idle time u wont believe i wud go to extent of killin myself jus bcos m bored n have nothin to do! trust me on this! i wudnt mind sittin n hittin myself to pass time ... idle mind is devils workshop and in my case... i turn into the devil!

probably last 2 yrs of idleness has turned me into this creature i am today, i will tell u a secret... i had WORK! for the last 3 days tooo much work tht i cudnt handle i felt so wanted needed loved(dono y really) and i actually din have time to think about if m loved or wanted or if i have a life or what m gonna do with it etc like i usually do, i rem sittin n countin seconds in grocery stores n jewelery stores where i had nothin to do ... maybe thats wat screwed my mind slowly into emptiness .. not to blame it .. it was experience which noone had n i loved it as much as m lovin work now i would rather say ' lived my life' n m happy about it ... i kno nothin lasts forever i dono if tomo i ll feel this way or if ll have work to do or even have a job .. anyone can throw me outa anything anytime n m used to getin over things people jobs and life! yea i finished all my work at 5 n for the last 30 mins i ve been feelin bored as hell n i ve been thinkin of ways to kill myself hehe .. wat a crazy bych eh?

Anther thing wanted to write about was emotional blackmailin, well its been goin around me a lot these days. gfs blackmailin bfs, vice versa, brothers sisters, moms sons daughters, whats this thing that holds us to someone emotionally that we do something jus bcos they don hurt themselves! its too much! its like i ll do this to myself if u dont do that, n hey that person does it cos they love u obv, (otherwise emotional blackmailin def wudnt work, so love does exist eh?) anyways this been a big torture in my life ... wat do u suggest ... is it better to fall for it or just let go? (Secret: yes i am a big time emotional blackmailer but wen it comes to me or my friends ... boooooooo i dono wat to do or advice them to do) m in a real fix now i tell u! how about blackmail bak ??? yea thats wat i do ...shud i add talking about dependency here .. yes i get crazily depend on ppl .. till they get sick of me .. n i kno that or imagine that they are sick of me.. which makes me more depend on them .. its a vicious circle .. is there a way outa it? .. uff uff !! head breakin ... i don wanna think bout this nemore!

what else what else its jus 10 mins ... no m not gonna write for the next 20 mins n bug ya.. lotsa things happenin in my life i ve been away from everyone of my friends! probably this is the only way they r getiin to kno bout my life .. i dono how long its gonna last, but m lovin this loneliness, mayb its for good or bad , m jus goin with it , maybe i ll regret it someday! but m jus doin watever my head says! n a lota tabs tabs tabs n hospital etc etc,. long time since i answered yeah m fine for a how r u .. neways .. who cares wen u don talk to ppl nemore! hey wait can u believe that i left orkut? i del my 15000 scraps(hearbreak) n 150 friends and 150 communities hehe .. yea but the account will b del by orkut soon i guess m trying .. nways i need comments on that friends plz .. did u ever think? i was addicted like a nut? lived on it? now u wonderin if m living? maybe i shud write a separate post on 'life without orkut' if m inspired to do so .. somehow i don miss it much! so i ve proved that i do i have a real life.. or maybe not ... watch out for that post soon .. or maybe not .. ok forget it!

Alrite! thats it for now .. hey i forgot i read God Debris by Scott Adams (Author of Dilbert) i loved it .. i 'READ' somethin after a long time i thought i lost that patience long long back ... i really recommend all of u to read it .. i actually posted it here n it was too long for a blog .. neways m done m done! no more talking i mean typing! mayb this is my first random post in my blog so wat shud i name this? shall i call it whachamacallit? i like the concept from a chocolate..ok now 15 mins more m loggin off .. i better have some work from tomo ... or .....

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Like u give a @@@@

Felt like puttin these things up tday after all its my diary rite?
some writen by me some r not ... guess u can make out the diff urself!

Yes I am born everyday cos i die everynite!

My brain is a heartless bast*** and my heart is a brainless idiot

How will you know I am hurting if you can't see my pain?
To wear it on my body tells what words cannot explain.

The opposite of love is not hate; its indifference

Death aint nothin but a heartbeat away
its better to burn out than to fade away

I am not completely useless
i can be used as a bad example!

If life had an indicator, mine wud always b beepin left;
never gone de rite side, keep hangin on to wat is left!

Wen u c de world thro a pair of shades,
everything looks cool,
detachment is all it takes!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I don need no SUGAR PILLS!!

Break my head cut into pieces burn it into ashes I don care
Its running somewhere let it go I wanna run outa my head
Give me a way give me a song give me something to live on
Cry with me all u happy people I detest ur smile makes me hate u
The hate with in kills me mercy-kill me someone plz
Am dyin in danger dyin in fear of life dyin for something
I cant find I cant understand I cant go on nemore
Break my head I cant stand it its not me nemore
I cant write I cant sing I cant dance what am I here for
I cant breathe I cant smile I cant see people around
Break my fukin head now its fukin me too hard in the rong fukin hole!

No I cant write a happy song I think u shud stop chekin my blog!
My happy pills aint working! U gave me a fukin placebo [:(]

Thursday, May 31, 2007

NOW gimme my HAPPY pills u LOSER!!

The vacuum the emptiness weird (thats too common a word to explain this thing thats possessed me) feeling within .. m lovin every inch of who i am now .. my party time is wen m restless my space is wen i get to get lost in that world of mine where i dono where i am or who i am n wat m doin .. i thought i lost the future they r helpin me lose the present .. i get slow move slow think slow.. they drugged me into this .. i tell myself haha who cares .. they bet i ll b a happy person in months.. all i can say is keep tryin losers .. while i keep enjoyin this feelin u give me where i kno m losin my mind n i kno ur fukin with my brain .. i look at u and ur blank ur white ur black ur nothin to me .. i look at the sky m numb i cant feel my blood flow but my head reels nuff to kno that m alive i cud stand here for hours with this feelin m stagnant m a stone ... n ur mission is to make me lauf for the fees i pay? GOOD luck

btw ! .. i need a break ... from myself .. i wanna b alone go somewhere far away where there r no weekdays or weekends or day or nite .. somewhere without me .. can i plz take a break and go somewhere without me?

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Ofcourse Rani is still the queen

This is a definite surprise or should i say shock? for ppl who follow my blog. Am gonna write a film review and that too on a Hindi movie. yes yes ! i know wat ur thinkin ..i hate Hindi emotionally crappy glicerine wasted lata mangeshkar playback 5.5 hrs movies ..which only cheap i-don-have-commonsense tasteless ppl watch. But this movie 'ta ra rum pum' which i actually went only for sake of seein RANI [:D], (mayb my expectations were very low) exceeded it far beyond. It has an awesome theme even the music was bearable no wastage of glicerine. It almost kindled the dead feelings in me. Maybe i am so weak now but it really got me emotional in some places i need to b honest. Also cos theres a lot i could relate to, rite from the fact that the leads try to cope in unconventional fields and still stand for their rite. The screenplay was good enough to take u through the 3 hrs which otherwise wudve got me so restless. Its supposed to be a story of the life of a racer, probably a sports movie i wudve despised at first site. But i enjoyed and loved each bit of it .. cos according to me .. 'its the best LOVE STORY ive ever seen.' Yea u got me rong ..heres not much romance (the couple don even say i love u to each other). Its not some infatuation period, crush or a 2 month fling elevated into 2 hours of divine love, like every other movie depicts. Its a real life love story probably too idealistic for real life but movies are made to fulfill dreams hard to get in our lives rite? y else wud i pay for it go there n worry bout someones problems who i know is paid n acting for that sake? i think its gr8 entertainment with an awesome message. For the first time in life I recommend to watch a Hindi movie, esp ppl in love or think they r in love. Trust me I almost (who am i kiddin?) started beliving in love again (and then the movie got over and i walked back into reality).

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Flirtin death

Who says a thing of beauty is a joy forever
every love rose turns faded ugly faster
who says nothin lasts forever
change is permanent pain is eternal
twas much fun wen i was flirtin death
as per norm now as he returns the favor
my handsome prince hits me stronger
fuks me harder, smiles n sweet talks me
does it taste sweet wen u kiss my poison
or u long 4 a way to undo this lust u had 4 me ...

how it feels to b half dead half alive
possessed by him on one side obssessed to live on the other
everythin that is left is his
my heart my hand n everything on the other side of me
mayb i shud fite 4 my rite
mayb i shud show the other cheek
mayb i shud let him rule take me over
as i lie here cherishing the days of beauty
regreting the thoughts of forever
breathin heavy wanting to let go
wen i jus had one last breath to decide ..
i long to survive ..
with jus another heart beat to spare
i plead on my bed with death
y did u let me die you shudve just killed me ....

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Gotchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ... nahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Have u ever felt a deep urge to eat somethin so badly but the harder u try to figure out wat it is , the more ur tongue longs for its taste

wen u wanna say something which is on top of ur head its urgent but ur mind blocks u kno its at the tip of ur tongue but cant spell it out

wen u sense a familiar smell u keep sniffing to remember but u have no clue

wen u feel so close to someone that u wanna go hug them but cant even remember their name or wonder if they wud relate the same way to u ...

wen u feel soooooooooo restless wanna do somethin but nothin interests u everythin seems borin but ur so idle so bored outa ur head dono wat is that one thing u wanna do so badly that ll cheer u up

its so simple .. i realize now .. i wanna do something i miss someone/something so badly .. theres a void there is an empty space that needs to b filled .. jus like those other feelings i was talkin bout i think i got it yeaaaaaaa.... but again wat is it that m searchin for .. y am i goin around sayin m lost callin myself a loser ....

wat the hell is it ?????????????????

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Friday, April 20, 2007

Psychedelic? gothic? watever u call it ...its devilishly beautiful

Something that truly impressed me ... all of u def kno i cant do this even in my next birth ... its marvellous!! for ur viewing pleasure ... from 'NA' (who is awaiting ur valued comments on his work) my comment : really really KILLER

aaaaaaaaaaah !!!!!! Y is it never me???? i wana draw i wana draw somebody help me !!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Who broke my penance of death ???

i dont understand this person here!!

i don want to c anyone
i wanna b alone ... want everyone to leave me alone
but i feel chronically depressed n lonely

i don wanna talk to anyone
i despise company
i hate everyone ... ppl jus irritate me invariably
but i long for someone to listen to me
to cry to.. to lean on

i wanna b loved
but whoever shows me love
i avoid them
neglect them
ignore them
run away from them
but i feel
i feel unwanted
unloved .. unworthy of it .. alone n desperate

i wanna stay depressed
i enjoy that feelin so much
i never wanna get over it
but m not able to take the pain
m not able to handle it

wanna put an end to it
but still i don wanna b happy
feel guilty to b happy
its not home to b happy
i hate that feelin
i don feel like myself
i am a negative person n m proud of it

i don wanna b average ..
i wanna b unique n not part of the herd
but m jealous of ppl with normal life so happy n secured
ah ! i wud hang myself instead of being mediocre
but still how i wish .. my life was so simple!
y am i incapable of being normal y does it turn me off

i wanna end it
i cant even imagine how much more longer life is
how borin!
ppl ask me not to think of future n jus live for the day
so i completely stopped dreaming but now
its so tiring to think of living each day for so many more yrs
but i cant end it i don wanna end it
i have nothin to carry on for cos i have no dreams
nothin to look fwd to
no reason to live .. no reason to die

but i breathe death
its my penance

i ve been in love with it since childhood
dream n worship death
to attain the peace of death
which gr8 ppl fool u by callin salvation

wanna go bak to who i was .. wanna b the dreamer
but i don want to dream
or work hard towards it or even give a thought to this
i ve given up already theres no turnin bak but don wanna give up
i kno m good for nothin
but havent i known myself for so many yrs ??

is that wat u call lost?
i wanna b found bak to life but trust me
i love this place called lost
cos i don have to leave it to go anywhere
but yea i ve to carry the name called loser!
but wen ur lost .. who cares wat they call u????????

its home! its comfortable! its soothin!
but if m really in love with pain .. y do i hate to live with it?

i don understand it at all
.........................or have i understood it too much?

Saturday, April 07, 2007

i cant write for nuts .. u FOoooooooools!! ... y don u get a real job???

Who r u kiddin??????????????????????????????????????????????????

Monday, April 02, 2007

Will i ever b enlightened????????????

that almost sounds like me ... wonder how come i din write it .. but yea ofcourse differs in a lota places .. but i liked the style of writing ..

but thats not my post for today .. i kno i cant get away with that .. now that its not new to post stuff not writen by me .. i wanna share a write up (as in a reply to this blog) from my friend ... i really liked the writing probably a good theist arguement i ve heard in yrs .. not that it opened my eyes to the all 'mighty' ;) .. anyways a theist post from a humble a-theist (not written by me)

On Karma….On Duty……..On God

I just wanted to share a few thoughts I've on God n religion. I'm not a good writer and I hardly know how to write on a specific topic. In fact, I always mess with the start, body and the end of it. Sometimes starts with the conclusion itself. Just like an unedited film reel in which the first shot may be the climax. So I apologize, if u encounters the same on this write up.

I remained an atheist for nearly four years, since my seventh standard to the tenth coz by then I was completely thrown apart by the Hindu epics and stories I read. It was quite a shock to my dad and mom who are very much from Hindu orthodox families. In spite of their compulsion I haven’t visited any of the temples during that period. I never prayed for anything. I hardly felt need.

Since my childhood I was been a dedicated reader of Hindu ‘puranas’ and epics. I was very much fascinated by the super heroes and read them the same way I read the ‘Tarzans’ and the ‘Phantoms’. At the stage of adolescence I loved reading about the beautiful angels or ‘Apsaras’ in those books. And hence by the time I started analyzing them intellectually, I found them so fake and funny, there by losing interest completely. Added to that, the massacres and riots in the name of religion around the world made me feel that it is just one among those tools designed by humans, for butchery and brutality. I decided not to believe in God anymore and there I discovered the atheist in me.

Now back to my tenth standard…One day my mother called me and told me not to believe in Rama, Krishna or any other Hindu Gods. That was the biggest shock treatment from her side. She then she added, “You don’t have to believe God in any of them. But just think about the reason for your existence in this world. Also think about the power that made u exist in this world. I just want you to realize that there is some power that makes us alive…that is around you….that is inside you...that you can find in anything and everything. We call it God.” That statement brought me back to the study on religion and God.

Instead of reading epics, I tried more on the history of the epics and its origin. It was nice to understand about the Vedic era, much before the Epic era. More over it was interesting to know that Vedas and their supporting books ‘Upanishads’, had never used the name of any God. They described God as ‘OM’ or ‘Brahma’. Both symbolized the same ‘Power of nature’, about which my mother told me. I heard from someone that ‘OM’ is the sound of the rotation of earth. I believe in that, since that statement is from the same saints of Hinduism who discovered the powers of nature- even the sun and the planets much before Galileo saw them clearly through his telescope. We had the power of Yoga and we knew that nothing is superhuman and everything is very much human. Yogic power can bring out the current or electricity in you and hence make you bring out that power called God in you.

Now what epic is was the biggest question in front of me. Only after seeing Stephen Spielberg’s ‘Jurassic Park’, I came to know that there was some animal called dinosaur that ruled the earth much longer than the period the first man was evolved though evolution, to this moment you are reading this write-up. Now epics are dummy material like Spielberg’s dinosaurs, created by the new age Brahmins for common man to understand God. Moreover the then ‘King worship’ in India supported the human Gods to arise through those epics. The biggest mistake of Hinduism is its cast system. I don’t know how many people know that nobody can be a Brahmin by birth. The word Brahmin itself means ‘The one who knows Brahma’- means one who knows that super power of nature called ‘Brahma’ or ‘OM’ or ‘the God’ in simple English. For our convenience we created casts and religions and made it hereditary. It is just like the son of an aged popular Bollywood star becoming the next superstar…

In fact, Hinduism is not a religion. It’s the society. It was Afghanis who did the nomenclature of that particular human civilization who lived on the shore the Sindhu River as ‘Hindus’. They wanted to called them ‘Sindhus’, but failed to do so coz they didn’t have the alphabet ‘Sa’, and hence that word came out as ‘Hindus’.

If God is the ‘Power’, that is the reason for u being ‘Real’….’Original’, religion is just the social set-up man created for his security. Just like any other human invention, religion also needs to be updated with time. As the society changes, its need also change from time to time and hence this social setup also need to be restructured with time. Not only Hinduism, but that is exactly what any other religion should do. In short, man should understand man and he should live to his needs.

As Swami Vivekananda said “God is ‘Karma’ (service)”. He took this statement from Veda. ‘Karma’ is not charity; it is your simple duty. Now I prefer doing that. Do what you think you are made for. Today I do pray. I pray to the symbols like Hindus as well as I pray to the free space like Muslims. I pray to the cross and all the powers of the nature. My pray is my ‘Karma’, my duty- my music- my travel- my film. I’ve a feeling that I’m made for that and I’m not good for anything else.

Today morning a friend of mine messaged me ‘Arun, God bless your heart’. And I wanted to reply “Yaar….I’m already blessed with so many things. So I’m not looking forward to any more blessings. I’m happy that I’m blessed with two eyes to see, a tongue to talk, legs to walk and a hand to write. But I understood the actual use of it very recently when someone saw the same thing I saw….when someone listened to what I was talking…..when someone walked with me……….and when you had the patience to read me fully.”

I know that it must be boring to read me. But I just wanted to share my God and my religion with you.

Thanks U. Warm Regards,
Arun Bose

Sunday, March 25, 2007

best Bday of my life

no words to describe . i was on top of the world .. felt the entire world wished me on my bday this time .. felt like a celeb .. thanks to orkut for bringing so many ppl into (and back into?) my life .. but more than that i shud say thanks to my new friends at office .. somehow i feel the word 'new' din fit in here! Mayb this is wat i always wanted .. wat more can i ask for .. a writing job, damn cool boss, friendly team ...n most of all my FRIENDS at work who made me feel 'afterall lifes worth living' atleast for a day .. trust me..knowin me .. thts a very tough job to bring me to tht state of mind (by the time i post this blog i kno i ll bak to my boring depressed self).. it was a real awesome surprise ... love u all muahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Beyond the yellow line ..

I am so bored of writing what I am told to write about and almost being fed the words to write. This is one place I can write what I want to, with no edits or QC. Anyways this is something goin on in my head for a long time I donno if it wud of interest to neone. Din kno how to put it in words tho exactly. It was my first team dinner n I was asked wat I think about each person in my team, well I obv din have an answer. But yea as usual made me think of something that wouldn’t provide an answer to their question. Y do ppl judge? rather how do ppl judge? I realized I don judge ppl at first site or even after sometime n I dono if it’s a good trait or a bad one. Do u need to have opinion about everythin n everyone? Well yea maybe but y r adjectives being used so losely Yea u can call someone beautiful at first site I can agree on that. Judging n stereotyping r two things I can neither stand nor understand. Sometimes ppl tell me ‘ur this kinda gal n how come u do that’ huh wat??? I am no kinda gal.. I am wat I am y cant I b jus ‘me’ n not categorized into a group that thinks n acts a certain way. Why is there a necessity to stamp a person rather brand them with an adjective, good or bad, still it seems dumb to me. one person is not like another .. 2 ppl cant b alike .. everyone knows that .. then y? Individuals brought up in similar lifestyle mite have similair ideas or tastes since they can match wavelengths.. But ofcourse everyone is different n have different ways of thinking, if not always beyond the boundary. Cos yes we r all trained not to make mistakes not to cross the line, and when I do I belong to the stereotype called ‘ the gals who cross the line’ or whatever n I can never display traits that ‘gals who nestle inside the line’ do. I am not supposed to disagree with other gals who cross the line n I am supposed to think a certain way about certain things, have a certain lifestyle and certain attitude that ‘gals like me’ r supposed to have. Oh is it cos its easier for ppl to judge at first site? When I get to hear things like ‘I din expect this from a gal like u, I thought u were that types’ I wanna rofl wen ppl assume things by jus the looks of it n comment stuff bout me or neone else I kno personally.. the best part is wen they r so sure bout it ..everybody who is shallow nuff to judge quickly is dumb nuff to think they r the smartest judge around .. well wat can I say .. it’s too funny actually wen I think of it this way …. ppl who think outside the box are still provided with boundaries? !!!

Friday, March 16, 2007

i was told i have been tagged

1. Were you named after anyone?
My grandmother (boo hoo)

.2. Do you wish on stars?
I wish for stars [:P]

3. When did you last cry?
When I was asked the first question

4. Do you like your handwriting?

5. What is your favorite meat?

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
I don keep my CDs on the shelf

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
I will give it a try ..

8.Are you a daredevil?
Devil? Yea

9. How do you release anger?

10. Where is your second home?

.11. Do you trust others easily?

12. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Dildo muhahahahaha ... [;)]

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
Classes were good .. teachers were useless

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I don understand my own comments sometimes

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?

16.What do you look for in a guy/gal?
Guy/gal? Doesn’t matter [:D]

.17. Would you bungee jump?
I wudnt even watch anyone bungee jump

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
If I had tied them in the first place

19.what's your favourite ice cream?
French vanilla butterscotch

.20. What are your favourite colors?

21. What are your least favourite things?

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
Lemme c … hmmhmm … damn I just have 10 fingers

.23. Who do you miss most right now?
Someone who is least bothered about it

.24. What are you listening to right now?
My inner voice hehe

.25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
The fav color of the kid whose using me

26. What is the weather like right now?
Air is conditioned here ... So no idea

.27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
To someone who is not my fav person today

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
Yes ofcourse [;)]

30. How are you today?
My life sucks – m too bored – lotsa energy goin wasted – restless – itchin to do something – filling this! – yea my life sucks!

.31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Non-alcoholic n favourite don’t go together

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Be wat u wanna b takin things the way they come ..
Nothing is as nice as fine in paradise than sippin on ..

33. Natural hair colour?

34. Eye colour?
Dark brown

35. Wear contacts?
How does that interest u?

36. Siblings?
Not lucky nuff to say no

37. Favourite month?

38.Favourite food?
Indian Indo-Chinese Mexican actually anything goes except Japanese

39. Favourite day of the year?
March 20 of course

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?

41. Scary movies or happy endings?

42. Summer or winter?

43. Holi or Diwali?
Diwali definitely

44. Do you like your name?
This has been answered first

45. What book/magazine are you reading?
Supposed to be reading Atlas shrugged [:p]

46. What's on your mouse pad?
My hand

47. What did you watch on TV last night?
Seinfeld on dvd .. I don watch TV

48. Favourite Smell?
Baby (johnsons?)

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
After its toooooooooooooooo f**in late

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
I wish I cud say work but m actually sitting in office n filling this... so I guess u get the picture?

So wat’s this all about now? Do I get comments?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

the ME in YOU

wow! first time m posting somethin thats not written by me ... but yes its typically my kinda writing n i loved it nuff to put it on my blog .. i wish i can write so well sometime .. but i guess this shud b interestin to the kinda ppl who follow my blog.. written by someone who ll always b special to me .. claims he was possessed by me wen he wrote it .. atlast a living proof that I am not alive .. hehe anyways .......... n yea now u gota accept it .. there is an undefined oxymoron in everyone .... okok read on !!

The journey started with the loss of ma prized possession... Leavin behind my cherished past... takin the uncommon path to an unknown destiantion... millions of unanswered questions... jumping and hopping arnd the rugged path.. carin enough not to hurt my feet... stupid enough to hurt my heart... faster i hopped.. higher i went...

every heart and stone has a pattern... so did my path... sucked in by the pattern... started hoppin with my eyes closed... my feet hurts... but my hearts euphoric... my brain pleads my feets case... but my heart wins... my feet cries for help but ma heart still owns my closed eyes... paths changed... hearts scared.. and finally my brain pulls one off.... i open my eyes and realize am standing on a rock on top of a cliff...elated to see the whole world below me... was this my unknown destination?? Did my destiny overpower me? I fite to control my destiny but in vain.. I look bak and there is no trail to trace bak to where i was and there is no path ahead of me... i try to convince myself this was my destination... my imprudent heart quickly accepts... but my astute brain denies... been standin on da rock for ages now not knowing wat to do and the battle betn my heart and my head still continues... one step ahead i start an avalanche... This was not my destination.... I hiked the wrong cliff... damn i should have kept my eyes open!!!!


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The avant-garde mass

I am proud to be a part of the generation I belong to. Presuming that, as we evolve, our values are devolving, in comparison to the previous, I would say that my generation is a perfect cultural blend of the modern era. The one significant characteristic I think worth mentioning is the individuality we have and the independence that comes with it. In simple terms, we have a mind of our own. The older generations believed in following traditions blindly and would consider it a virtue to not ask reasons. Reasoning power and inquisitiveness is found in almost every child born in this generation. The fast growing technologies, the need to keep pace with the world, the amount of knowledge that exists for us to learn, explains the shrewdness of this generation. Though stereotyping, group-thinking and narrow mindedness still exists at certain levels, every individual, be it male or female, has become more independent, in their thinking, lifestyle, financially and emotionally too. It could be misread as self-centered behavior by some from the older generation. It is also misinterpreted as losing culture, tradition or values. Culture will transform along with civilization and what makes the generation unique is the way they come to accept it and make the best of it. In this regard, my generation is far more mature and level headed than the previous ones. I am reminded of something I read recently. It is about a little girl, whose grandmother tells her she will grow beautiful curly hair, but only if she eats the crust of the bread. The girl snaps back saying, that it is fine with her as she can use the curling iron like her mom does. I felt the pride in me when I read this, to be a part of this new generation, not just intelligent but smart enough to use it in the right way. We will make a mark for ourselves rather than live on past glory. We’ve got it; we flaunt it, and will still keep searching for more.

Home Sweet Home

Home is where the heart is. Apparently, my heart does dwell in my hometown. Hence my mind refrains from seeing the flaws in the city. I would say that this city I grew up in is the best place to live in, since it is all I have known. Chennai, almost notorious for its poor hygiene and pollution, does have an excuse of being a metropolitan city with a huge population over a vast area. But I should agree, this is the one thing about my hometown that I would change, if I am given a chance. The reason although obvious, anybody would want to live in a place that’s clean and safe, I believe that the best features of Chennai, say the history, culture, large beaches, temples, numerous places of interest would come into light only then. The beauty of the city is hidden behind the dirty surface. People do judge the book by its cover and the best solution is to make the cover attractive than singing praises about the book. A city is a city; I know it cannot be made a paradise overnight. Efforts are being made to keep it tidier. I think the challenge is to change the attitude of the people towards this rather than physically clean the place, over and over again. It is the interest of the inhabitants and their awareness levels in this issue that needs to be concentrated on, to reach a long term solution. For example, Bangalore is a city, although not as populated as Chennai, attracts a lot of attention because of its weather, roads, tidiness and definitely the attitude of the people towards these factors. Chennai is a bigger, better and remarkable place and can prove it to the world pretty soon, with these changes that it deserves to go through.

u think i ll get into google???

Saturday, March 10, 2007

MAn! i feEl LikE a wOmaN !!


whats this women's day for? Is it the women's way of openly declaring to their agreeing that 'its a man's world'? y isnt there a man's day? is it bcos we already celebrate APRIL 1 every yr?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Get outa life alive

It was never there it ll never b
u ll never b dead u were never alive
it was not wat u thought it wud b
cos u never wanted it to b wat it had to b
its not wat it seems its not how ur supp to feel
u think ur rite u think ur rong
the truth is ur wat ur made to believe ur
the world u trust is jus ur imagination
the air u breathe is the perfect illusion
cos it keeps u dreamin of somethin that ll never b there
u keep missin somethin that never existed
well its ok cos it ll never b too late
time is abstract space is a mirage life is but a fantasy
dreamers dream forever as mere mortals they survive
hallucinate delude urself get outa life alive
wake up from ur eternal sleep open ur true eyes n c
it was never meant to b, it was never there n it ll never b !!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Quotable quotes by Sansmerci

1. A loser is not someone who has lost, a loser is someone who is lost!

2. A holiday is a holiday only when it is on a holiday.

3. The best way to cure claustrophobia is to shut urself in a closed room for few days but u always have the risk of becomin a serial killer.

4. Love is a fancy name given to things less acceptable, morally socially and legally.

5. Hence unconditional love = fraud + misrepresentation + concealment of information.

6. A best friend is always someone u wud’ve hated otherwise.

7. Stop fooling around before you wake up one day n realize wat a fool u ve made outa urself.

8. Those who pray to live are losers, but those who live to pray are failures.

9. Too much is never enough but enough is never too much. So what u need is always inversely proportionate to its availability.

10. Marriage is like Shakespeare's plays, either a full fledged comedy or a total tragedy.