Monday, April 28, 2008

Found a Friend in Food

I am happy I took a break for a week and writing this today. I’ve read a lot in this mean time while I have some changes in my mood too (yea as always). But I’ve a reason now something I want to share with everyone. Everyday I get to read a million articles on women, fitness, diet, clothing, fashion, exercise, this, that and what not. Moreover, there are commercials, television and movies. I might not know much women but almost everyone I know are so figure conscious, no matter if they weigh 30 kgs or 70 kgs. Well this includes me too. Sometimes, these seem like a positive thing but mostly it seems negative. Guess almost all of you know the incredible amount of weight I have put on since few months now that some people don’t even recognize me anymore? Yea I blame it on the medication I was/am on, but I agree I dint make much effort in the initial stage of it and now whatever I do, I just can’t get rid of it.

I made a resolution stating that I will diet and exercise and bring down my weight back to what I was in few months (if you remember me getting enlightened in my New Year post). I literally lived on fruits veggies and coffee for some 3 months out of which I hit the gym for 20 days causing me to put on another few kgs. I almost gave up, no actually I gave up! Started hogging on food left, right and centre. It was like revenge and I dint know I was hurting myself in the whole process but it’s like a vicious circle. You eat, feel guilty, get depressed and hog to chase away the blues (I swear nothing comforts like food not even alcohol). Maybe cos I have given up all my habits and have no resort to depend and was too lonely all thro the day and needed some company (my friend food). Now that adds a few more kgs. I resorted to pills and starting abusing FOOD and I really dint know that I was actually a victim of Bulimia nervosa. This is an eating disorder where people binge eat. Once I read up on it, it only interested me more and I was actually considering abuse of laxatives until I got to read the horrible effects of it! It is a typical act of Anorexics who are crazily affected by their body image and starve/purge and do everything to maintain it. I do agree that I believe that my good looking is very important to my self image and how I feel. I realized its not just me, there so many women around the world and a few I know too are disturbed so much due to this stereotypical stick figure view of a good looking woman but at the cost of physical and mental well being?

THINK AGAIN! (Well that doesn’t mean that am thinking again!)

And for all you Bulimics and Anorexics there (or almost there), I just found a MIRACLE DIET, (cant believe am saying that!) something that is fast, healthy and doesn’t take much of an effort. It actually worked for me. I still am yet to get outta the surprise (shock?)…. Dono how long it gonna last... So let me POSTpone it to the next POST!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Nobody invited you to read ...

He’s gotta girlfriend
She has got a kid
She got married
He is engaged
He got a busy job
She got her own family
He got other patients
She went to study
He went abroad
He found his career
She found a rich guy
He got a wife
He … she … can’t think of more
And if even SHE is preoccupied
Where do I go?

Why am I getting bak to my dark world? For no reason? I dono but its just too lonely here … this time am sure somebody will save me b4 I sink in it. Somebody talk to me plz am going crazy here all alone .. how does it feel living with urself the whole day? Do u have an idea? How does it feel to carry so much within u and walk alone ……

What did I actually wanna write on? My mind is so restless am not able to get a hold of it and put down words here. Its flying out in every direction possible

NO I aint surrendering
You cant have me back my love …
You know I cant resist you
but is that all u care
After all you hurt me
what makes you think
I would get back to u for help
Yes I slipped but never again
I would rather lose my head
I would rather die restless
I would rather spend sleepless nites
But I don need to sleep with u
U can seduce u can overdose…
For all u care, I cud b no more in the morn …

Oh it feels so nice after I got that shit outa my head! Feels good to have written that, I know makes no sense to u! If you think its bout my x boyfriend…Get to know me soon!

Anyway, wud like to add to this psychic post I actually wanted to post on Bulimia and Anorexia, if you are wondering what it is, it’s the new battle am fighting against…

Thursday, April 03, 2008