My experiments with love

Warning: The following piece has a million repetitions of the word 'love' in it, buts its not remotely mushy other than the effect this word creates, but if ur still allergic to it, stay away!

Its been 13 yrs, my hide-n-seek with love began
It has made me laugh, cry, crave, die,
But that love - It has made me who i am
Love I heard of, love I been in and out of
Love that b and not to b, love that din let me b me

A love all divine, darling n grossly dedicated
And love absolutely illicit but as true as stated
Love lust desire and want - all around i saw....
But Love unselfish n unconditional leaves me in awe…
And there is a love-let-go-n-move-on love seeming more true!
This love I tell ya - whatever it is - it becomes ‘you’

Love i realised is total old-fashioned shit,
Its boring, dry and overrated…
The Love that made me feel hatred…
but hate then became another way to love
Love so strong that took me to my death bed
and love then saved me from the said…
funny its the same Love that spins me around
same but aint similiar, the stinkin ol’ freakin Love
that makes me feel dumb, when self-love takes over this loser!….

This love for myself that I betrayed until
A Love for the dark n bizarre, i fell
A love to hurt myself, a love to teach myself
In love with loneliness in love with emptiness
In love with love and the idea of falling in it
In love with anything that makes me forget my love

Love! Love! Love! When will u b over and done with me?
I wanna look around and there’s nothing else I can see
Love for money love for the poor,..
Love for crime love for justice
Love for control love for freedom…
Love for the sake, love per se…

Love, i had to write her off my life
Love, that cuts like a knife
Love, my inseparable insatiable wife!

With all the love from deep inside me, I brought strength
With all the love for my life, I lived again
With all the love I had for her, I took her hand for help
With all the love I had for him, I trusted to wait
With all the love, all the love, all the love for love
I fed her own medicine to her.. so Love, ur all I see now,
Blinding every other thought, faith or feelings…
Am love-numb, am love-cuffed, am love-blind
Yes am a proud useless wasted classic love-fool….

Am living Love
Anything else u hear, read or see is just material illusions of u mortals…

Conceived with a KISS

The one breath u sacrificed
Been my life support since
The one touch you blessed me with
Been my reason to smile since
The one kiss that brought me alive
Been my strength to live since
The one-day when we make love
The sun will star the moon on the silver sky

Ever since you made me feel wanted
Woke me up from my grave
I would never forget, I would never regret
Ever since you made me feel loved
Gave me the dream to survive
The lust to live life, the kiss of desire
Put a smile on my face since m pregnant with joy.

Ofcourse Rani is still the queen

This is a definite surprise or should i say shock? for ppl who follow my blog. Am gonna write a film review and that too on a Hindi movie. yes yes ! i know wat ur thinkin ..i hate Hindi emotionally crappy glicerine wasted lata mangeshkar playback 5.5 hrs movies ..which only cheap i-don-have-commonsense tasteless ppl watch. But this movie 'ta ra rum pum' which i actually went only for sake of seein RANI [:D], (mayb my expectations were very low) exceeded it far beyond. It has an awesome theme even the music was bearable no wastage of glicerine. It almost kindled the dead feelings in me. Maybe i am so weak now but it really got me emotional in some places i need to b honest. Also cos theres a lot i could relate to, rite from the fact that the leads try to cope in unconventional fields and still stand for their rite. The screenplay was good enough to take u through the 3 hrs which otherwise wudve got me so restless. Its supposed to be a story of the life of a racer, probably a sports movie i wudve despised at first site. But i enjoyed and loved each bit of it .. cos according to me .. 'its the best LOVE STORY ive ever seen.' Yea u got me rong ..heres not much romance (the couple don even say i love u to each other). Its not some infatuation period, crush or a 2 month fling elevated into 2 hours of divine love, like every other movie depicts. Its a real life love story probably too idealistic for real life but movies are made to fulfill dreams hard to get in our lives rite? y else wud i pay for it go there n worry bout someones problems who i know is paid n acting for that sake? i think its gr8 entertainment with an awesome message. For the first time in life I recommend to watch a Hindi movie, esp ppl in love or think they r in love. Trust me I almost (who am i kiddin?) started beliving in love again (and then the movie got over and i walked back into reality).

za za zsu

Butterflies don fly so high
not as high as i am tonite
m lookin for the rite words
but it all jus seems so bland
m searchin 4 my fairy tale
yea it always ends up stale
but trust me m still alive
aint waitin on no goodbye
learnt to wake up from the dead
proud to b a fool yet one more time
somebody kill me n i ll b born again
i cud b the moon eternally romantic
but still the next dawn's gonna b pathetic
don get sober its awfully real
lets live this dream until its over
say that its forever fool me take me over
cos the moon don fly but its still so high
high up in the sky n its been loved forever
pour me a lil more of ur sugar
baby cos m longin for watever
n yes u can go on n fool me
i ve grown up nuff to remind myself
butterflies don fly so high
atleast not as high as i am tonite...

Save the last dance for me

Chasin the moon i lost my shadow
as the sun is settin i c him movin away
its too late its too dark
wat was i doin tryin to fite the moon's ray
But girl now m ready to let go
do u hear ma heart singin so
I give u the best part of me
the only thing i ever had
my lost soul my dormant hope
he s too fragile too naive
handle with care love him tender
n wen i wake up gimme more of that pill
get over ma fever, m too sick of being ill
Look out then cos the hunters bak
stronger than ever, rite on track
there s a new day a fresh sunrise
but not a tear in my eyes
n i said stay strong young lady
as u watch me take home ma baby
n if u ever wonder i set him free
I kno he'd save the last dance for me

gone daddy gone ...

… n yeah I write again .. but this time I am not writing wat I think is rite or rong . I need ur opinion instead. cos I have a feelin m lost in this topic. The question is simple, how do u know he/she is the one for u? Isn’t it funny, sometimes u fall for someone head over heel, think u found ur soul mate and after the rosy days r over, the romance fades away n suddenly u feel like u don even know this person anymore or even worse to hear it from them. How wud u feel if someone u consider the love of ur life tells u mayb we shudve never been together at all? Or find someone u found a not so ur kinda guy/gal to suddenly b everythin u ever wanted. For me the grass is always greener on the other side, I always misinterpret missin something to lovin something, which cud b true but then wen u try to commit me, all I wanna do is run away and want the elusive one. Do every couple in the world stick together after the cant-take-my-eyes-off-u stage jus for the heck of it? Is marriage jus bout commitment or is there even something called love that really exists. Some ppl say they found their soul mate, if finding someone jus like u is the whole point, then y the hell do opposites attract? How long does it attract? Wat happens wen there s no more za za zsu between them.. is it fair to continue cos u promised or is it honest to move away n let them find true love.. n wats that btw? Life’s not one long honeymoon I kno that, so wat else makes a relationship work then .. how do u pin down on one person to stay with all ur life? Isn’t it scary? Jus gimme one thing which strongly decides or made u decide or u think will decide who THE ONE for u is. It doenst have to b rite or rong, its jus wat u think, enlighten me plzzz….

Raindrops n Seashore ....

Coincidences don make me believe 

Cos I belive in coincidences

But U made me believe 

A cynic love , an atheist pray.

If  I could change, then anyone may!

I have nothin to do, without u

Its easy to see, I've flown miles away from 'me'!!

Where was I before u came?

Was I alive? Was I the same?

Young or old? Warm or cold?

Rich or poor? I'm not really sure!

Music doesn’t move my soul

My home doesn't comfort

Food doesn’t make me crave 

And sleep doesn't soothe me anymore!!

I keep fallin' in n outta love

As ur smile blooms n fades

Stop playin’ those games with me 

Cos I melt like snow when u shine on me

Are u my soul mate I d been searchin’ for

Or are u jus another coincidence ....

Do I need to see u to know who ur 

Cos I already breathe u every min of every hour 

Do I need to hold u to know ur warm

Cos I already found shelter in ur invisible arm 

Do I need to tell u the words

Cos I know u know that I know that u know

This Insatiable love I got for u

Don even try to satisfy me 

Cos I aint getin nuff 

And its really gonna b tuff

Love lust and desire playing on my mood

Why are these waves, raindrops and breeze actin so rude

Though jus thinkin of u makes me warm

My lonly heart aint getin calm

If its my love for u that makes me long

Lemme know with that beautiful song!!

Swarna

September 2004