Tuesday, July 03, 2007


i was thinkin of a lota things to write about .. dono which one to give priority! i can make it many posts to make my blog pop or i can jus write crap in here rite now to spend the next 30 mins sittin in office ...

Ok i choose the second option.. since i don wanna go mad! i had so much idle time u wont believe i wud go to extent of killin myself jus bcos m bored n have nothin to do! trust me on this! i wudnt mind sittin n hittin myself to pass time ... idle mind is devils workshop and in my case... i turn into the devil!

probably last 2 yrs of idleness has turned me into this creature i am today, i will tell u a secret... i had WORK! for the last 3 days tooo much work tht i cudnt handle i felt so wanted needed loved(dono y really) and i actually din have time to think about if m loved or wanted or if i have a life or what m gonna do with it etc like i usually do, i rem sittin n countin seconds in grocery stores n jewelery stores where i had nothin to do ... maybe thats wat screwed my mind slowly into emptiness .. not to blame it .. it was experience which noone had n i loved it as much as m lovin work now i would rather say ' lived my life' n m happy about it ... i kno nothin lasts forever i dono if tomo i ll feel this way or if ll have work to do or even have a job .. anyone can throw me outa anything anytime n m used to getin over things people jobs and life! yea i finished all my work at 5 n for the last 30 mins i ve been feelin bored as hell n i ve been thinkin of ways to kill myself hehe .. wat a crazy bych eh?

Anther thing wanted to write about was emotional blackmailin, well its been goin around me a lot these days. gfs blackmailin bfs, vice versa, brothers sisters, moms sons daughters, whats this thing that holds us to someone emotionally that we do something jus bcos they don hurt themselves! its too much! its like i ll do this to myself if u dont do that, n hey that person does it cos they love u obv, (otherwise emotional blackmailin def wudnt work, so love does exist eh?) anyways this been a big torture in my life ... wat do u suggest ... is it better to fall for it or just let go? (Secret: yes i am a big time emotional blackmailer but wen it comes to me or my friends ... boooooooo i dono wat to do or advice them to do) m in a real fix now i tell u! how about blackmail bak ??? yea thats wat i do ...shud i add talking about dependency here .. yes i get crazily depend on ppl .. till they get sick of me .. n i kno that or imagine that they are sick of me.. which makes me more depend on them .. its a vicious circle .. is there a way outa it? .. uff uff !! head breakin ... i don wanna think bout this nemore!

what else what else its jus 10 mins ... no m not gonna write for the next 20 mins n bug ya.. lotsa things happenin in my life i ve been away from everyone of my friends! probably this is the only way they r getiin to kno bout my life .. i dono how long its gonna last, but m lovin this loneliness, mayb its for good or bad , m jus goin with it , maybe i ll regret it someday! but m jus doin watever my head says! n a lota tabs tabs tabs n hospital etc etc,. long time since i answered yeah m fine for a how r u .. neways .. who cares wen u don talk to ppl nemore! hey wait can u believe that i left orkut? i del my 15000 scraps(hearbreak) n 150 friends and 150 communities hehe .. yea but the account will b del by orkut soon i guess m trying .. nways i need comments on that friends plz .. did u ever think? i was addicted like a nut? lived on it? now u wonderin if m living? maybe i shud write a separate post on 'life without orkut' if m inspired to do so .. somehow i don miss it much! so i ve proved that i do i have a real life.. or maybe not ... watch out for that post soon .. or maybe not .. ok forget it!

Alrite! thats it for now .. hey i forgot i read God Debris by Scott Adams (Author of Dilbert) i loved it .. i 'READ' somethin after a long time i thought i lost that patience long long back ... i really recommend all of u to read it .. i actually posted it here n it was too long for a blog .. neways m done m done! no more talking i mean typing! mayb this is my first random post in my blog so wat shud i name this? shall i call it whachamacallit? i like the concept from a chocolate..ok now 15 mins more m loggin off .. i better have some work from tomo ... or .....