Sunday, April 29, 2007

Flirtin death

Who says a thing of beauty is a joy forever
every love rose turns faded ugly faster
who says nothin lasts forever
change is permanent pain is eternal
twas much fun wen i was flirtin death
as per norm now as he returns the favor
my handsome prince hits me stronger
fuks me harder, smiles n sweet talks me
does it taste sweet wen u kiss my poison
or u long 4 a way to undo this lust u had 4 me ...

how it feels to b half dead half alive
possessed by him on one side obssessed to live on the other
everythin that is left is his
my heart my hand n everything on the other side of me
mayb i shud fite 4 my rite
mayb i shud show the other cheek
mayb i shud let him rule take me over
as i lie here cherishing the days of beauty
regreting the thoughts of forever
breathin heavy wanting to let go
wen i jus had one last breath to decide ..
i long to survive ..
with jus another heart beat to spare
i plead on my bed with death
y did u let me die you shudve just killed me ....

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Gotchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ... nahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Have u ever felt a deep urge to eat somethin so badly but the harder u try to figure out wat it is , the more ur tongue longs for its taste

wen u wanna say something which is on top of ur head its urgent but ur mind blocks u kno its at the tip of ur tongue but cant spell it out

wen u sense a familiar smell u keep sniffing to remember but u have no clue

wen u feel so close to someone that u wanna go hug them but cant even remember their name or wonder if they wud relate the same way to u ...

wen u feel soooooooooo restless wanna do somethin but nothin interests u everythin seems borin but ur so idle so bored outa ur head dono wat is that one thing u wanna do so badly that ll cheer u up

its so simple .. i realize now .. i wanna do something i miss someone/something so badly .. theres a void there is an empty space that needs to b filled .. jus like those other feelings i was talkin bout i think i got it yeaaaaaaa.... but again wat is it that m searchin for .. y am i goin around sayin m lost callin myself a loser ....

wat the hell is it ?????????????????

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Friday, April 20, 2007

Psychedelic? gothic? watever u call it ...its devilishly beautiful

Something that truly impressed me ... all of u def kno i cant do this even in my next birth ... its marvellous!! for ur viewing pleasure ... from 'NA' (who is awaiting ur valued comments on his work) my comment : really really KILLER

aaaaaaaaaaah !!!!!! Y is it never me???? i wana draw i wana draw somebody help me !!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Who broke my penance of death ???

i dont understand this person here!!

i don want to c anyone
i wanna b alone ... want everyone to leave me alone
but i feel chronically depressed n lonely

i don wanna talk to anyone
i despise company
i hate everyone ... ppl jus irritate me invariably
but i long for someone to listen to me
to cry to.. to lean on

i wanna b loved
but whoever shows me love
i avoid them
neglect them
ignore them
run away from them
but i feel
i feel unwanted
unloved .. unworthy of it .. alone n desperate

i wanna stay depressed
i enjoy that feelin so much
i never wanna get over it
but m not able to take the pain
m not able to handle it

wanna put an end to it
but still i don wanna b happy
feel guilty to b happy
its not home to b happy
i hate that feelin
i don feel like myself
i am a negative person n m proud of it

i don wanna b average ..
i wanna b unique n not part of the herd
but m jealous of ppl with normal life so happy n secured
ah ! i wud hang myself instead of being mediocre
but still how i wish .. my life was so simple!
y am i incapable of being normal y does it turn me off

i wanna end it
i cant even imagine how much more longer life is
how borin!
ppl ask me not to think of future n jus live for the day
so i completely stopped dreaming but now
its so tiring to think of living each day for so many more yrs
but i cant end it i don wanna end it
i have nothin to carry on for cos i have no dreams
nothin to look fwd to
no reason to live .. no reason to die

but i breathe death
its my penance

i ve been in love with it since childhood
dream n worship death
to attain the peace of death
which gr8 ppl fool u by callin salvation

wanna go bak to who i was .. wanna b the dreamer
but i don want to dream
or work hard towards it or even give a thought to this
i ve given up already theres no turnin bak but don wanna give up
i kno m good for nothin
but havent i known myself for so many yrs ??

is that wat u call lost?
i wanna b found bak to life but trust me
i love this place called lost
cos i don have to leave it to go anywhere
but yea i ve to carry the name called loser!
but wen ur lost .. who cares wat they call u????????

its home! its comfortable! its soothin!
but if m really in love with pain .. y do i hate to live with it?

i don understand it at all
.........................or have i understood it too much?

Saturday, April 07, 2007

i cant write for nuts .. u FOoooooooools!! ... y don u get a real job???

Who r u kiddin??????????????????????????????????????????????????

Monday, April 02, 2007

Will i ever b enlightened????????????

that almost sounds like me ... wonder how come i din write it .. but yea ofcourse differs in a lota places .. but i liked the style of writing ..

but thats not my post for today .. i kno i cant get away with that .. now that its not new to post stuff not writen by me .. i wanna share a write up (as in a reply to this blog) from my friend ... i really liked the writing probably a good theist arguement i ve heard in yrs .. not that it opened my eyes to the all 'mighty' ;) .. anyways a theist post from a humble a-theist (not written by me)

On Karma….On Duty……..On God

I just wanted to share a few thoughts I've on God n religion. I'm not a good writer and I hardly know how to write on a specific topic. In fact, I always mess with the start, body and the end of it. Sometimes starts with the conclusion itself. Just like an unedited film reel in which the first shot may be the climax. So I apologize, if u encounters the same on this write up.

I remained an atheist for nearly four years, since my seventh standard to the tenth coz by then I was completely thrown apart by the Hindu epics and stories I read. It was quite a shock to my dad and mom who are very much from Hindu orthodox families. In spite of their compulsion I haven’t visited any of the temples during that period. I never prayed for anything. I hardly felt need.

Since my childhood I was been a dedicated reader of Hindu ‘puranas’ and epics. I was very much fascinated by the super heroes and read them the same way I read the ‘Tarzans’ and the ‘Phantoms’. At the stage of adolescence I loved reading about the beautiful angels or ‘Apsaras’ in those books. And hence by the time I started analyzing them intellectually, I found them so fake and funny, there by losing interest completely. Added to that, the massacres and riots in the name of religion around the world made me feel that it is just one among those tools designed by humans, for butchery and brutality. I decided not to believe in God anymore and there I discovered the atheist in me.

Now back to my tenth standard…One day my mother called me and told me not to believe in Rama, Krishna or any other Hindu Gods. That was the biggest shock treatment from her side. She then she added, “You don’t have to believe God in any of them. But just think about the reason for your existence in this world. Also think about the power that made u exist in this world. I just want you to realize that there is some power that makes us alive…that is around you….that is inside you...that you can find in anything and everything. We call it God.” That statement brought me back to the study on religion and God.

Instead of reading epics, I tried more on the history of the epics and its origin. It was nice to understand about the Vedic era, much before the Epic era. More over it was interesting to know that Vedas and their supporting books ‘Upanishads’, had never used the name of any God. They described God as ‘OM’ or ‘Brahma’. Both symbolized the same ‘Power of nature’, about which my mother told me. I heard from someone that ‘OM’ is the sound of the rotation of earth. I believe in that, since that statement is from the same saints of Hinduism who discovered the powers of nature- even the sun and the planets much before Galileo saw them clearly through his telescope. We had the power of Yoga and we knew that nothing is superhuman and everything is very much human. Yogic power can bring out the current or electricity in you and hence make you bring out that power called God in you.

Now what epic is was the biggest question in front of me. Only after seeing Stephen Spielberg’s ‘Jurassic Park’, I came to know that there was some animal called dinosaur that ruled the earth much longer than the period the first man was evolved though evolution, to this moment you are reading this write-up. Now epics are dummy material like Spielberg’s dinosaurs, created by the new age Brahmins for common man to understand God. Moreover the then ‘King worship’ in India supported the human Gods to arise through those epics. The biggest mistake of Hinduism is its cast system. I don’t know how many people know that nobody can be a Brahmin by birth. The word Brahmin itself means ‘The one who knows Brahma’- means one who knows that super power of nature called ‘Brahma’ or ‘OM’ or ‘the God’ in simple English. For our convenience we created casts and religions and made it hereditary. It is just like the son of an aged popular Bollywood star becoming the next superstar…

In fact, Hinduism is not a religion. It’s the society. It was Afghanis who did the nomenclature of that particular human civilization who lived on the shore the Sindhu River as ‘Hindus’. They wanted to called them ‘Sindhus’, but failed to do so coz they didn’t have the alphabet ‘Sa’, and hence that word came out as ‘Hindus’.

If God is the ‘Power’, that is the reason for u being ‘Real’….’Original’, religion is just the social set-up man created for his security. Just like any other human invention, religion also needs to be updated with time. As the society changes, its need also change from time to time and hence this social setup also need to be restructured with time. Not only Hinduism, but that is exactly what any other religion should do. In short, man should understand man and he should live to his needs.

As Swami Vivekananda said “God is ‘Karma’ (service)”. He took this statement from Veda. ‘Karma’ is not charity; it is your simple duty. Now I prefer doing that. Do what you think you are made for. Today I do pray. I pray to the symbols like Hindus as well as I pray to the free space like Muslims. I pray to the cross and all the powers of the nature. My pray is my ‘Karma’, my duty- my music- my travel- my film. I’ve a feeling that I’m made for that and I’m not good for anything else.

Today morning a friend of mine messaged me ‘Arun, God bless your heart’. And I wanted to reply “Yaar….I’m already blessed with so many things. So I’m not looking forward to any more blessings. I’m happy that I’m blessed with two eyes to see, a tongue to talk, legs to walk and a hand to write. But I understood the actual use of it very recently when someone saw the same thing I saw….when someone listened to what I was talking…..when someone walked with me……….and when you had the patience to read me fully.”

I know that it must be boring to read me. But I just wanted to share my God and my religion with you.

Thanks U. Warm Regards,
Arun Bose