tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6033945552928687932024-03-14T16:54:03.555+05:30The Blogger Formerly Known as SansmerciSwar Bratthe blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.comBlogger131125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-72939481236826263972014-02-11T14:26:00.000+05:302014-02-14T15:52:02.070+05:30Knowing you is loving you and its been a decade since.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I didnt know what that phrase meant until I met you. I cant think of one person who cant like you knowing you (and i really do envy you for that!). And to know am the luckiest one who gets to be with u every min of every day of my life, there cant be a better life than this. This ode (ok random ramblings i mean) i write today might come as a surprise cos all i ever told you was your loving is never enough,well it is not
that easy to keep a love-greedy drama queen for so long i say! <br />
<br />
Its funny they say you have been my 'husband' since 5 yrs now, little do they know its the most insignificant part of our relationship. I have seen u thro the ten yrs I have known you... from a common friend, a net buddy. an obsessive crush, a roommate, a boyfriend and an ex boyfriend (not to mention an awesome side ka :P)! And the best one I have seen in any of those roles. Hmm okay lets say thats what i feel wen i look at the whole picture now... and thats all that matters...a crush that has lasted a decade..I still can look at u and feel like a lil gal in love for the first time... i can simply hear ur voice and feel home wenever i am lost...I dono how u do it but only u know how to handle me... nobody else can deal with me sometimes, not even me! <br />
<br />
You have filled every missin space in my life at the most crucial times..... a friend, well a best friend, a girl friend, sister, brother, partner in crime...well even a mother (clashin with my amma's role most times!). Now I know what they mean when they say someone is your everything, there were million instances when I have felt I don have anyone, and always, somehow always, its only one person who wud fill it up, sort it out for me. I see its not that easy to play sister to your wife... definitely not! But my life and my normally empty dark and hallow heart filled up to the brim when you filled it up with the father figure i missed all my life... not just some father but the bestest ever dad I could possibly imagine in this entire freaking world if anything a step above that. I think that's wen we really fell in love...or is that what I kept thinkin at every other stage too? Thanks to the lil brat for bringing us closer... for showin us what love actually means...for showin us how much we actually need each other! <br />
<br />
Who would believe that a chat window that
opened 10 years ago is still open? Well from MSN and Yahoo to Hangout
and Whataapp now... but i cant think of one day it stayed closed... and I
still keep thinkin I have a million things to say to u :) <br />
<br />
<br />
Knowing you is loving you. Nobody can deny that. And am so
glad I got to know u as early in life and have a life time to love
ahead of us....<br />
<br />
PS: Just so you know, as against what ur assumng now, no change in our life, big or small, will change this thing I have always told u..... Life = You! You jump, I jump! Period. </div>
the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-82364896576461620772012-02-03T12:28:00.000+05:302012-02-03T12:28:05.831+05:30If this aint love, then what is???<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I havent been feeling very well lately. Seems like am growing another
heart inside of me, the doc says. <br />
<br />
The making of my very own sweetheart, my very own
piece of art.<br />
Two hearts inside one body, literally. If this aint love, then
what is?<br />
<br />
I dreamt of a beautiful sugarcake yesterday. So pretty and charming, havent seen anything as lovable and cute in this lifetime. I felt in my heart what you call 'pure joy'... like an atheist who just felt the presence of God and had a revelation, like a person who was fearing death all their life just kept their first step in heaven.... yes there was smoke all over.. there was tears of rainlets... yes m too dramatic.. and loving it... it was like the softest flower.. it felt like a cotton ball.. it was like surreal..that it almost felt like a dream... it smelt like baking butter and it was lying next to me in my bed closer than my own eyes... all mine...that i almost wondered if i deserve it....as typically i would... (he/she has been replaced with 'it' for political reasons :P) <br />
<br />
And in a couple of days I will hear the beating of the little heart inside of me, just thinking of which the pace of mine is racing already. I hope i can hear it clearly, amidst the loud noise my heartbeats would be making. I hope i can record it in my mind forever and play it back whenever i feel low ever again.....<br />
<br />
There was always something missing in my life ... y'all probably heard it million times.. my ever-so-sad stories.. i have always missed the romance how much ever abundance i get it in .. greed, ppl have for money.. i have for love.. the more i have the more i want... call it a hollywood romm-comm overdose i definitely have had more than a fair share of my u-don-make-me-feel-like-the-most-beautiful-woman-u-met-so-i-don-feel-special fights... n still won get enough.. but now.. i already feel it .. probably already confident that this stage in life that am entering into is going to be my best.. and most complete .. as there is nothin missin in it already... its filled with love and passion n finally i myself feel am getting more than enough.. i guess this sugarcake inside is my lucky charm.. n has already taught me a lesson about love. No its definitely not what i was missing all these days.. it is actually wat i was missing to note all these days... as much as i wud hate to accept it...<br />
<br />
...this lil baking butter has the best dad in the world no doubt about it, so the mom now has tough competition to keep up to!!<br />
<br />
Bring it on baby! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-60469286305863497702012-01-25T11:43:00.000+05:302012-01-25T11:47:14.029+05:30Will never be ALONE again!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Of sunshines and early mornings<br />
<br />
Of late night movies and long musical drives<br />
<br />
Of love unspoken but still understood<br />
<br />
Of hearts that beat as one, well it’s more than just two<br />
<br />
And is born inside of me already that which will never leave until I do<br />
<br />
And made changes in me already that which no one until could<br />
<br />
And now I know how it feels to be beautiful inside<br />
<br />
And now I know how vital this thing -<br />
<br />
this thing I never cared for - called life!</div>the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-5365736726195572632011-12-31T00:38:00.001+05:302011-12-31T00:39:12.396+05:30I will love you merci!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I don't make resolutions. I am not the type to discipline myself or anyone else for that matter. Yes I am proud of what I just said and you can stop reading here if you think that's lame. Well, for the others, where was i? yeah I don't think any sane grown up in the world would think a new yr will change their existing life, but yes we have been taught to start afresh once in a while so we have a 'chance' on anything that we actually deserve to. And what better day to start afresh than the first of January rite. Well if time is manmade, so is months and years but so are problems and solutions, resolutions.<br />
<br />
Alrite, I should agree 31st dec night is one of those days in the year when i get all hyper and want to party and celebrate, frankly, i just need a reason. There is so much in me that I wanna change that I think if I dont decide to then i could never love myself ever again, not that I ever did, am still trying. So this year I have decided to stop thinking of the partying for a change and think of how to fix my broken self image in such a way that I would start loving myself and then I would probably have a chance at having a real life sometime in the future new years to come. I am not suggesting that I am going to take a resolution, I did almost closely once in 2008 if u rem the post I did few months before my wedding and 2009 was an amazing year i should say.<br />
<br />
Frankly, I am planning another phoenix style start-from-scratch again this year, yet again, yet again, yes. I have decided to listen to my head and my heart, or at least one of them and give myself a chance at being someone I approve of. As easy as it might sound, it is the most difficult thing i can think of now. Self-control and self-love are two things I can never buy or sell. So this year instead of crying of split milk that nobody loves me, my resolution is to love myself and for that, act in a way that I would fall for myself and most of all, stop spending my entire life worrying if anyone else does. Wish me good luck :D<br />
<br /></div>the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-3836712059436767582011-12-13T10:23:00.001+05:302011-12-13T10:30:45.375+05:30Its impossible to not social(media)ize a single line<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">After a complete 2 yr break, after writing nothing but website content, social media messages, food reviews and marketing <strike>lies</strike> info, <strike>*yawn*</strike> you find a freestyle writer use punctuations and <strike>gramatically</strike> right English here, with no spellos or typos? Naaa... altho i absolutely have no idea where to start even wonder if i shud use the same blog or start a fresh new one..i realized my blog needed this break or even more to get outa the <strike>i-dono-who-i-am-anymore</strike> i-write-for-the-readers way of posting...a killer disease that takes years to cure esp only after the final and lasttt reader of your blog is chased away, you start writing your heart out again.<br />
<br />
<br />
Its funny how things can break so easily. Destruction is a beautiful thing if you look at it carefully. No am not being my old pessimist self here... well perhaps i am.. but after a prolonged 3-months of chronic stress and reading on god-knows-what-all diseases on earth exist, you are half a doc and a fully blown pessimist. the last time i felt lke blogging strongly i decided not to cos <strike> i din have ne readers left </strike> i din want to write depressed nemore and i don feel like writing when otherwise. and this time i tght, wtf, if thts what i am thats what i am..<strike> wait! i started to write on destructio </strike><br />
<br />
frankly i don have ne stuff to write other than such rambling.. the <strike>shamlessly</strike> bold i-think-outofthebox Merci is lost somewr inside my head... well i do think outside the box <strike>n sometimes even get out of it n stand outside the box too.</strike>.but the urge to write it down n spread the fire... duh... its for those <strike>hopeless and dreamy</strike> young and energetic people who still dream that they can change the world... b4 they realize the world keeps changing at a pace they cnt even notice nemore...<br />
<br />
So as life takes its course...as i shifted from teenagy <strike>wtf-was-i-thinking</strike> emo blogging to <strike>yes-now-am-married</strike> recipe blogging... probably my next step<strike> should be</strike> <strike>could be</strike> will be a cute lil <strike>how-my-baby-pee-d-today</strike> family blog like every damn Indian woman <strike>who sits at home tapping the laptop all day like me</strike> wants to survive in the social media does.. but me being <strike>useless and having a boring pathetic life </strike>unique and different as always... my blogs henceforth wud b on things tht interest me.. <strike>like old age and medicine </strike>like interesting medical information and my experiences... wisdom gained... <strike>and lost</strike>... well .... watch out... or nawwwtt... </div>the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-24011834284135255592010-03-10T00:58:00.002+05:302010-03-10T01:07:52.262+05:30Honest Scrap Award<a href="http://mykitchenantics.blogspot.com/">Nish</a> was generous enough to give me this award for my recipe blog<a href="http://swarskitchen.blogspot.com/"> what's cooking today?</a><br /><br />The rules are you post the award and 10 things about you and tag back the blogger who gave you the award. About you can read <a href="http://swarbrat.blogspot.com/2009/07/i-do-remember-you-my-first-love.html">here</a>, jus scroll down to the tag part and i have almost 15 things bout me in there!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTOafqbcSfrOfyJZ_laUe_R91zlXMm38cplMVfoFBfvHFiF5SXxoU64XnU6_e57Rjehnq32N6b55IRgDkUlCGCgknmdlgiw0zvVL7gWFfv3nr7xjRatI0mK6UlOtisdXSL19bVZoV6gndR/s1600-h/Honest_Scrap_2%5B1%5D.png"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 194px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTOafqbcSfrOfyJZ_laUe_R91zlXMm38cplMVfoFBfvHFiF5SXxoU64XnU6_e57Rjehnq32N6b55IRgDkUlCGCgknmdlgiw0zvVL7gWFfv3nr7xjRatI0mK6UlOtisdXSL19bVZoV6gndR/s320/Honest_Scrap_2%5B1%5D.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446720307649214450" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I wud like to pass on the award to <a href="http://my-takes.blogspot.com/">wistfully yours</a>, <a href="http://editakrishnan.blogspot.com/">Mysore Pak Conversations</a>, <a href="http://www.thepraveen.com/">The Praveen</a>, <a href="http://nautankey.blogspot.com/">Nautankey</a> and <a href="http://srsstudio.blogspot.com/">Oodles of Doodles</a>.<br /><br />Thank you Nish once again!the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-15043435661273394242010-02-28T18:57:00.005+05:302010-02-28T20:10:55.316+05:30C'mon Baby Light My Fire!<link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cswarna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">Dont be shocked that m posting a blog...n m posting it with my left hand...don mind the typos n spellos (as always)!
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">When u reach depths, u don ve a choice but the way back up. That’s how I ve started writing again. I thought in fact decided for good that its over my flair to write or my passion for it, its reached saturation, its torn into bits… networking sites with status’ msgs, a let out of thoghts as soon as they start to accumulate, no more do we wrte letters ,. no more do I blog…email killed the letters, IM killed email..FB killed IM.. n yea lately I c buzz is killin FB too…too many thoughts..too many outlets.. its all getting a bit too much to put out a blog post.. no time to write my own diary to say in human terms…no more introspection..nothin can live without passion or depth.. my writing has lost it too.. as with my passion for life and living it…
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<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">When life gets mundane..no offence to marriage but as u get older and more settled.. there is no more ‘hunting’. <span style=""> </span>I think as raw human wen we don hunt we don survive..wen theres nothing to seek nothing to look fwd to.. u die internally.. yea I got my desired partner and most desired job.. everything I ever wanted..and then the question arising is as simple as a complicated ‘ok now what???!!!’ no its not the deal and compromises tht come with the decisions I ve made tht scare me infact they make life worth fiting and living for.. after all m not someone who needs an eventless life.. always had an extra eventful life and love it wen I look bak at it.. I don like it smooth..infact i hate mediocrity in any form.. including an average life turns me off.. yes I do long for it ironically many times.. but its life and I ve learnt to take it as it comes..but when everything gets monotonous.. the passion is lost..the light is burning…but there aint no fire…m lost.. empty…unused…</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">To put it in my foodie terms, I wud equate it to eating the same breakfast everyday.. I wud rather b dead n gone instead.. I am not implying tht variety is the spice of life.. oh on second thghts yes I am but there is a possibility fr variety within means..well lets say u ve decided to eat egg for breakfast all <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:city> life.. ur not gonna break ur promise but learn to eat it in a million ways and explore as well as discover a zillion ways to make it better everyday… now u know wat I mean…lota writers who don’t get a chance or din take a chance to b one professionally due to social and financial reasons envy me.. well.. wat ve I become in the end.. someone who is so absorbed by the<span style=""> </span>monotony of a work that actually, in quite a literal sense, can have a lot more flavor and juice to it but I ve become a dry nut cracking slowly into an empty shell… </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Love and hate are the same damn emotions, its jus how u perceive it in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:city> positive or negative mood..so u can only hate something as much as u love it…the strength of the emotions are usually equal...depends on ur attachment to the subject.. if I can love u this much.. I can hate as much easily...well so I decided I don give a damn if m seeing the glass as half full or half empty, m going bottoms up baby and that’s all I care!</p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Pushing myself to the edge.. I write … I don’t ve a choice and I will….wen every part of me feels injured physically and mentally.. I feel useless n wasted..like I belong in the trash…m makin my own recipe for a pill..yea the same old I knew..giving it another chance…no matter if I feel disabled nuff to even type… writing…m gonna be writing…left or rite or even with my legs… m gonna be writing…</p> the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-36086095899734086342009-11-29T19:05:00.004+05:302009-11-29T19:10:05.024+05:30I Write Sins, Not TragediesPoker-faced Parasite has come alive again!<br /><br />Check it out <br /><a href="http://undefinedoxymoron.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-write-sins-not-tragedies.html"><br />http://undefinedoxymoron.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-write-sins-not-tragedies.html</a><br /><br />PS: Content Warning enabledthe blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-75121071513124172142009-11-28T00:39:00.001+05:302009-11-28T00:39:54.729+05:30Vote for my Chennai Foodie blog<a href="http://chennaifoodreviews.blogspot.com/2009/11/vote-for-me.html">http://chennaifoodreviews.blogspot.com/2009/11/vote-for-me.html</a>the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-520342291839212322009-11-09T23:44:00.002+05:302009-11-09T23:53:15.406+05:30PMS: Myths Busted - The Other Side of the StoryAll u ladies in the house, here’s an open question to u<br /><br />“How do u feel when ur really angry and pissed at something, its breaking ur heart, getting on ur nerves and u feel absolutely helpless and wanna break down, waiting on a regret or at least an explanation from him, if not a make-up act, and all u hear him say is ‘It’ll all be ok soon baby…ur just PMSing and m getting used to it’!”<br /><br />This is what I have termed as the act of ‘Easy Blame Reversal Syndrome (EBRS)’!<br /><br />Well yo’all know what am talking about… I can hear the guys sigh as tho it’s the biggest curse that has been brought upon them since the birth of human race…but I feel like its the biggest plot that men have come up with (they probably do have a secret sorority to come up with such stuff on a universal basis)…to fool woman into believing that she and her precious body (which otherwise is worshipped by the same men as the greatest gift to mankind) are the only reason for any pain caused to her and in fact its causing pain to him too.. tho not technically even close to what she goes thro.. his miseries are more talked about than hers..in fact the only recognized pain of hers is that which affects him, if u know what I mean! I wonder in olden days when ppl knew nothing bout how the body worked and how hormones caused mayhem…did they still go thro PMS? I don think so dude! Those times wen she went thro pain.. it was seen as mere pain..and was empathized with..not as a u-don-ve-a-choice-so-stop-whining-n-put-up-with-it pain…<br /><br />Alright… pre/post menstrual stress do exist upto to some level very much..i agree.. but its completely manipulated by the circumstance.. if u notice it mostly occurs to woman who are surrounded by a lot of men.. rather at least one of them..or lets say the stress is projected into a huge issue only by the men around.. u say it’s a reason woman give all thro the month to justify their bad moods.. I say it’s a reason men give to convince us women that its not him, its ‘her’ who is to blame..and its bcos of her hormones and its problems that she’s this anxious, emotional and angry at this time..well it’s a way to give the woman the blame, let her take it without denials and also blame her later for using it as a tool to get what she wants..well in the first place, if she gets what she wants y the hell is she even stressed? Yes of course she takes a lil advantage of it and use it to her benefit sometimes, thankfully, every coin has two sides. <br /><br />I hate to call it pre-menstrual stress and keep it gender biased.. if the pain is for both the gender (as the men claim)..I wanna abbreviate it into ‘Production Management System’ if not for reproduction mgt sys.. cos both the parties (along with the hormones) involved in reproduction are causing it and the person takin it of course is the same one who takes the pain of the final output too. Lets see, when he took u out to a beautiful dinner for ur bday last yr..and made u feel like a queen.. u din ve any pms even a day b4 ur chums.. but this yr wen he forgot ur bday or jus din care to buy u even a rose.. ur pms bugs him too much this month… so yea, if ur boyfriend’s cheating on u and u know it, ur pms hits u well in advance.. mayb 2 weeks ahead of wen it shud.. and who cares how much it is bugging u deep inside wen u very well its not just the pms! Well its all in ur body hon and its stupid mechanics.. ur poor bf has to take all this shit from u cos of it.. phew!<br /> <br />Those instances were explained to u from what I have heard from gals.. who have been and are goin thro this treachery… ignorant of the curse they are blamed for, naively acceptin blame believing its in their favor.. sometimes feelin guilty for it too…and what I ve heard from guys who are boyfriends/husbands of such ‘PMS Possessed’ females who are making their lives miserable. I have also seen perfectly happy couples (really?) not knowing what the hell the term even means.<br /><br />Nevertheless, from my experiences with PMS patients (who are clinically treated for this) and from what the doc suggests and the placebos given to them (that are jus bcomplex and vitamin tabs under a weird name! thanks to google!) I say with all confidence and pride.. it’s a bloody myth.. and its well used and utilized by the society to fool us all into thinking we are being protected.. wen in fact we are being abused in the name of it.. (y not we start treating EBRS too?) Its jus Psychiatry baby! Don be weak.. don blame ‘that time of the month’ nemore for your miseries.. and then u ll see that its jus another physical cycle like u pee or shit.. yes it causes a lot more of pain than the said..wat else do u expect wen life fucks u yet again in the same damn hole...now stand up for ur rite gals…n if he disagrees…tell him he’s jus goin thro ‘EBRS’…fart the shit out back on to his face next time.. and tell me how he reacts, m really curious!<br /><br />Disclaimer: These are not facts, but my personal opinions based on true stories (plus a little research on google) and a few extracts from my free (unisex) relationship ‘counseling’ sessions offered on gtalk that I will soon start charging for (per hour)! <br /><br />(And of course forgive the hostile tone…m just feelin a bit aggressive cos m PMSing :D)the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-59477860775281589672009-11-05T00:54:00.004+05:302009-11-06T20:22:03.981+05:30Promoting Narcissism<link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cswarna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal">Its been long since I wrote a really random jus-typin-down-my-thoughts-as-they-flow post..in fact its been too long I actually wrote …I ve gotten outa touch with myself lately.. I ve numbed thoughts and not letting it flow.. I can sense I ve done it to myself consciously. but it takes a lot more for me to write as freely as I cud..bad I guess for a writer..cos no writing is good nuff if its not from the heart..i dono if its cos I ve become a readers writer…I still rem times wen I started the blog I din care who reads and jus wrote for my own let-out and used it as my punching bag…a diary I used this one as…but once the readership increased.. perception of the readers started influencing, sub-consiously tho I was in total denial..i guess now that I ve lost touch and lost readers too in the process… I can get to back to myself? (wait a min, am I shooing away even the few ppl who read me now..duh!) but anyways frankly now I cant write anything but for work..that explains y my food blogs are updated regularly..altho m too busy to write here…mayb cos m lovin it now too much and its like an addiction in itself…my work my hobby my everything it has become..sometimes overwhelming for myself.. still not got enuff of it..thanksfully!</p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">and yea of course on facebook.. I think thts the culprit..everytime something strikes me now I have somewhere to express it rite away than pile it along n develop on it and write a proper post spillin my heart out.. (mayb I shud do a <a href="http://swarbrat.blogspot.com/2007/01/quotable-quotes-by-sansmerci.html">quotable quotes by sansmerci </a>– part 2 post!) it usually goes unrecognized or misunderstood since its incomplete, even from my end.. I cant express wat I actually want to.. tho it feels nice to come up with status msgs reflectin my mood I shud agree.. in fact the whole industry is running on it now.. online media networking and even social marketing…wat else is twitter based on? Somehow m not into twitter (thank goodness!) but facebook yes takes all my free time nowadays.. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">What are we actually doing?! better communication and technology has actually tampered communication itself! I know all the blah about internet reducing socialization and stuff..but now even communicating has become short n quick n mostly half-hearted...i rem talkin for hours on the fone with friends in school days..now its mostly i catch up with them on chat all day so doesnt matter (probably my mom wud complain the same bout fones..there is nothing like meetin friends n talkin in person!)...'words' to me now means typed ones than spoken ones and smiles ve become smileys.. ironically tho it connects us to the oldest of friends from school and kindergarden too..which wud ve been a far-fetched dream even a decade ago…so we are supp to be more social now rite?
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Hmm I dono its kinda confusing..i ve a million ppl online ..i feel on top of the world sometimes love being the centre of attraction … tell ppl wat am doin now.. show off my poetic writing ability..smart thinking..jus express how m feeling and get noticed for it…sometimes impossible to handle the number of ppl who buzz me during the day.. but in the end I only try to control my smiles at the monitor..lest ppl near me (who I dono at all!) shud think otherwise…and of course I eat my lunch alone! Maybe its jus me.. or mayb I need to get a life.. but somehow I c life goin on only in here…is it true? Or is there a real world still out there? I envy ppl who are completely internet illiterate and have no idea bout this big wild world out here..taking over our lives…</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Ok so wat am I trying to say…I dono..i jus have this eerie feelings that this huge narcissistic promotions going on thro social networking .. is doin no good to the personality..its infact pretty depressing wen u get tired of it or jus don have access someday and feel left outa the world…like orkut was everything one day..it was where I used to wake n go to sleep to…now I don even login there nemore! Yahoo used to be my breath and today I don rem my yahoo password to login the messenger…And so will facebook or gtalk be soon…it certainly feels too lonely out here in this BIG internet world with access to a million ppl from anywhere in the world at ur fingertips..agree?</p> the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-46619907486006613452009-10-05T08:44:00.042+05:302009-10-05T09:22:38.280+05:30Eeram - The long awaited rains in Kollywood…<meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cswarna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style> <p class="MsoNormal">Impressed with the surprisingly refreshing recent Tamil movie 'Eeram', i ve been inspired to do something different too.. a movie review! There have been some of my 'comments' on movies in this blog such as these, <a href="http://swarbrat.blogspot.com/2007/05/ofcourse-rani-is-still-queen.html">Ofcourse Rani is still the queen</a>, <a href="http://swarbrat.blogspot.com/2007/07/3-in-1-movie-review.html">3-in-1 movie review</a>, <a href="http://swarbrat.blogspot.com/2007/09/movie-and-meal.html">Movie and a meal</a> and of course my superhit post <a href="http://swarbrat.blogspot.com/2008/08/push-up-my-bra-like-that-porno.html">Push up my bra like that, P</a><a href="http://swarbrat.blogspot.com/2008/08/push-up-my-bra-like-that-porno.html">orno Paparazzi Girl </a>(highest hits n comments on my blog until now..for all the rong reasons!)... i wudnt call any of them a professional review tho. (PS: all comments got deleted wen i shifted to this blog address :( )
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Here is my buddin attempt at actually reviewing a movie...(other than the so-called reviews i've written in the film studies paper at college :D), read on.. and gimme ur review on it!
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<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;" class="MsoNormal">Eeram - The long awaited rains in Kollywood…</p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Quenching the thirst of the many who watch movies for more than mere time pass and entertainment, here is a winner, the no-nonsense super natural thriller, Eeram, a deep, involving and intelligent movie made by a team that seems to know what they are doing pretty well! What a relief from the commercial mind-less flicks, Eeram, as the name suggests, is definitely a patch of wetness amidst the dryness, it is a day of drizzles in super hot Chennai.
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<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Eeram belongs to that genre of movies that release without much commotion and noise, but spreads through word of mouth and becomes a super-hit gradually. The professionalism and quality in the movie, and every aspect of it, speaks for itself and there is no need for huge budgets and sex appeal, when you rely on talent and confidence. No big stars, no song-and-dance sequences and of course no punch dialogues in the script. Produced by Shankar and directed by his assistant Arivazhagan, the cinematography by Manoj Paramahamsa is the best part of the movie, sets it a class apart!
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<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The movie opens with the death of the<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfCG5f7EUkEcN3TULkxAJFbgMaZl7cP2yboIHZB9_V4HrtCVIhPTc1G-t5JjCjcNS3LwnDjPnloJPQFbDZueHetSGjkXwkbDRXUyiUUivpoBcEbcFQ4sBILXDiTM4p3IZJ1ize-YfZ1yhc/s1600-h/Eeram_TVi_Music_Front.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 285px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfCG5f7EUkEcN3TULkxAJFbgMaZl7cP2yboIHZB9_V4HrtCVIhPTc1G-t5JjCjcNS3LwnDjPnloJPQFbDZueHetSGjkXwkbDRXUyiUUivpoBcEbcFQ4sBILXDiTM4p3IZJ1ize-YfZ1yhc/s320/Eeram_TVi_Music_Front.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5388956550357312882" border="0" /></a> female lead, Ramya (Sindhu Menon), the wife of Bala (Nanda) and the introduction of her past love interest Vasudevan (Aadhi) as the police officer investigating on her case. The film then flashes between scenes from their past and the crime investigation in the present. The love scenes from the flashback are a pleasant colorful relief to the almost black and white, always gloomy present. The ghost of Ramya, trying to prove her character to the people who shunned her when she was alive, uses ‘water’ to be her medium to kill her victims and the entire movie is literally themed on it, with little sunshine. Will Aadhi be able to help her out and save more deaths at the same time? Will he be able to find the mystery behind her death and find the person responsible for it, while his department loses trust in him? The mystery is not so hard to solve, you almost guess the accused right in the beginning, but the screenplay keeps you so engrossed, startles you at the precise moments and of course it is more than pleasing to the eye to watch Chennai all cloudy, rainy and picturesque all the time!</p><p class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The director has taken a lot of care into the minutest of detail, in producing every tiny little necessary element into scenes, representing lifestyle, culture, character and logic, very subtly without jarring immature contrasts in anything. The script is very smart and adds to the mystery element of the movie well. The logic is never tampered through out the movie, a well thought-out plot. The editing and graphics add to the overall quality of the movie, so naturally done, unlike many cheesy graphics we get to watch nowadays.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>Aadhi does need a special mention for his outstanding performance.
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<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Overall, professionalism is the key word for the movie ‘Eeram’, a must-watch for true cinema lovers. </p> the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-78738230129362072202009-09-30T08:08:00.007+05:302009-09-30T08:30:15.435+05:30U know ur a true Chennaite when u…<w:ignoremixedcontent></w:ignoremixedcontent><w:compatibility><w:breakwrappedtables><w:snaptogridincell><w:wraptextwithpunct><w:useasianbreakrules><w:browserlevel></w:browserlevel> </w:useasianbreakrules></w:wraptextwithpunct><!--[endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} /* List Definitions */ @list l0 {mso-list-id:1393387570; mso-list-type:hybrid; mso-list-template-ids:681629934 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715 67698703 67698713 67698715;} @list l0:level1 {mso-level-tab-stop:.5in; mso-level-number-position:left; text-indent:-.25in;} ol {margin-bottom:0in;} ul {margin-bottom:0in;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><o:p></o:p>10. </w:snaptogridincell></w:breakwrappedtables></w:compatibility>Can comfortably eat Idli at Sheraton and at a Thattu Kada outside it, with absolutely no fuss in both the places…<br /><br /><w:compatibility><w:breakwrappedtables><w:snaptogridincell>9. </w:snaptogridincell></w:breakwrappedtables></w:compatibility>Know which 'auto-karan' to make friends with and which one to start a fite with and feel equally proud and happy about both the incidents.<br /><w:compatibility><w:breakwrappedtables><w:snaptogridincell><br />8. </w:snaptogridincell></w:breakwrappedtables></w:compatibility><w:compatibility><w:breakwrappedtables><w:snaptogridincell></w:snaptogridincell></w:breakwrappedtables></w:compatibility>Truly hate Hindi by blood.. tho the Tamil you speak is a dirty mix of words from English, Hindi/Urdu, Telugu and what not, only too twisted and tangled to recognize…<br /><br /><w:compatibility><w:breakwrappedtables><w:snaptogridincell>7. Cannot drive without swearing and cannot drive properly without such motivation from others either.<br /><br />6. Rush to <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Bangalore</st1:city></st1:place> every Friday night and try hard to book the Sunday nite (impossibly) unavailable train tickets back home...<br /><br />5. Cannot make a funny statement without mocking Vivek or Vadivelu in modulation, no we do not say ‘Mind it!’ anymore… in fact, we never did!<br /><br />4. Pay day at Pasha and Broke day at Bessie<br /><br />3. Proud of A R Rahman as though he’s your cousin brother…<br /><br />2. Can have filter coffee and Old Monk, one after the other….. in any order…<br /><br />1. Claim to work in a sweatshop and stay 90 percent of <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:city> time on Orkut, Facebook and of course Blogger!<br /><br /><span style=""> </span>The last one's a contribution from Brat....m sure i ve left out a lot... pls add to the list (dont gimme stereotypical media-projected nonsense tho)...dayaaaam... i am so jobless!!</w:snaptogridincell></w:breakwrappedtables></w:compatibility>the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-6523213975928173942009-09-15T10:16:00.007+05:302009-09-15T11:25:06.450+05:30If looks cud kill....then i must b writing this from hell...Is it virtually possible to send out hate vibes to people? i have never hated anyone in my life ... i have had angers .. i have hated peoples specific characteristics.. i ve shouted and threatened to kill ppl too in moments of anger... i dislike some ppl at first site.. i dislike some ppl even b4 i meet them .. i ve been jealous.. i ve envied...i ve spited...i ve cursed...but i have never hated anyone in this last 26 years per se, i cant think of one person ...neither can i think of anyone who has hated me so much... again there are ppl who think m arrogant, m stupid, m selfish, m heartless, m an asshole... etc etc.. but jus plainly hate me for who i am? mayb someone does and i never knew it but it has never bothered me as much.. cos noone has ever meant that much to me in life to be affected by their vibes over me ... i am preacher of love and giving and wud foolishly give even if u keep on takin.. no m not proud of it .. i let ppl walk all over me cos of it .. it is my disease!<br /><br />But NOW i feel hated... i feel hate vibes all around me.. don get me wrong.. its not bout family or friends they are all very supportive and infact takin all the shit i am givin them ...but there is hate and evil vibes all around me and i can feel it haunting me .. eating me alive...like a death machine...giving me brain shivers....am i paranoid...or am i really being hated so much? have u ever felt it? is it true? a vibe that can kill u .. looks that can give u a nervous breakdown...the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-69346558690642162122009-09-10T15:46:00.005+05:302009-09-10T16:03:11.040+05:30Stand by Me - Part 2After wondering for days (months?) on how and what to do as a come back post... i realised today is the day to do it... i started this blog with the same post 'Stand by Me' and it worked out well for me i guess... and this day Sept 10th! 5 yrs back was exactly when the stand by me campaign happened in my life... those glorious MCC days ... as i always say the best yr of my life was 2004 and probably this day was the one or one of the reasons the year was made special...<br /><br />I post the video which summarises everything i have to say about what happened on this day.. the script was posted by me in my first post.. this one almost has the same script but picturised so beautifully... with the best ppl i have met in life.. both my friends and my kids.. the place where i grew up and understood myself... i am a proud product of wat i have learnt from this place.. don get me rong.. not the college.. but the group and the activities... and yea bout my kids.. i don need a mention .. my blog is full of em .. here n there.. they need no introduction ..<br /><br />So this is to my kids...after 5 whole yrs .. and not being able to meet em for almost a yr now... missin u babies... and for my friends and a best friend....i missed somewr down the line.. missing u guys too...if only someone cud take me bak to those days... i mite not b wat n where i am today... for the better or worse .. that i dono... but nostalgia kills me ... so wat's new?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-maGSCVq7c">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-maGSCVq7c</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYKqkqRwLrQ&NR=1">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYKqkqRwLrQ&NR=1</a><br /><br />Watch both the links - its a continuation of the same video ...<br /><br />PS: wow i cud write so much .. y didnt i blog so long!the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-31574820875918178522009-07-13T16:35:00.003+05:302009-07-13T17:55:57.368+05:30I do remember you my first love!Ahem...havent taken such a long break ever from the day this blog was started.. yes i have no excuses to make, i was absolutely jobless... rather i din have a job per se (i was still working trust me) and had all the time for my new za za zsu <a href="http://swarskitchen.blogspot.com/">my recipe blog</a> (wata b**** m still tryin to promote it) ... so no excuses i kno.. i have been a bad gal..i have lost almost all of u in this process.. but i pretty much needed this break from my personal blog..since a lota changes ve happened in my life and this place needed yet another new avatar.. if not a complete make over but atleast a pause and a start (ah! i found something to explain) ... watever said n done m jus hopin this time around it gets a new face an recognition like it did last yr after a small make over in its looks and tone and character too...<br /><br />So i dono what to post on ... m sure u have guessed it by now.. but i have been postponin posting just due to this reason and i had to confront it by typing everything that comes to my head... thats how they say writer's clear their block usually... but if i write down everything on my head now .. trust me u don wnana read or come bak here once again . So i ve decided to take up this tag .. looooooooooong pending one tagged by i dono who all .. m guessing Renu, Nancy and Neetu and someone else too m tryin to remember...anyway this is to list out 25 random things bout me and m gonna do it rite away without yappin further....<br /><br />1. Random things about me change from time to time. so wat i say now may or may not hold good in the past or future.. even in the recent past or the immediate future.. virtually this is a useless document we are preparing then ..<br /><br />2. I think one word to describe bout me will be 'dependant', yea i can get dependant on anything from a person to a place to a substance to a food.. i am a parasite ... and a very loving one at that ..so there is always an addictive quotient in me .. both ways... easily addicted and very much addictive once you kno me ...<br /><br />3. i can talk talk and talk for hours and you can kno my life history in a few hrs of conversation with me.. i cannot keep a secret even if it means to degrade my life into something very cheap i will still let the world know what it is.. uh i hate myself!<br /><br />4. i am a set of extremes.. ritely called the undefined oxymoron formerly... i am an all or nothing person .. m either too happy, elated and jumping or down depressed and completely hate my life ...too busy or too lazy...too high or too low.. too amitious or completely laid back.. too level headed or too emotional... i can love u unconditionally or hate you with ultimate venom ... i can be an angel or a demon basically... but never in between<br /><br />5. Okay enough of negative things bout me .. lemme c if something good there bout me.. i like helpin people.. does that count as positive? sometimes no... i jus cant say no and i go outa the way to be there for people .. and after being walked all over by others selisfhness i sit n cry in self pity .. but then again .. i like it that way u c!<br /><br />6. damn i cnt even writ 5 things bout me .. i used to write pages... ok lemme make this snippets... hmm i love writing .. i can write thro out the day and still dream bout it like its a distant vision to achieve someday ... i write for my work.. i work for entertainment.. i write for time pass.. writing is my profession and my hobby and m still not gettin nuff of it!<br /><br />7. i love kids.. anything esle in the world comes secondary to them...unquestionably<br /><br />8. i am a sucker for love. period.<br /><br />9. big time foodie.. doesnt need a mention<br /><br />10. if u leave me alone.. i ll do crazy things to make sure i don need to stay tht way.. even if it means to destroy myself to get a release .. now thts something that surprising me too<br /><br />11. i often feel lifes too long to live .. m sure not many feel that way...m too lazy to live thro all those yrs ahead of me<br /><br />12. nostalgia kills me .. to an extent u won believe.. i can think of a place i lived for 2 days and die for it hatin where i am now ... and it continues ...<br /><br />13. i ve learnt that life is a vicious cycle ,,, watever goes around comes around and keeps going and comin around .. even if u make serious atempts to put a full stop somewhere...<br /><br />14. i crave for attention and appreciation.. wen i don get it i cnt survive... i begin to think m not worth living ... losin self esteem is the worst of me... i need to be motivated always (hint hint)<br /><br />15. oh m already startin to feel i ve lost my readers and noone is gonna even read this shit y am i writing this now!... there u go.. told ya ...<br /><br />Nah .. i just cant think of 10 more things bout me now ... and m sure u wud understd.. i ve said more than i need to in the 15 already! :) and m hopin to write something good.. in my next post!the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-58282842084796995182009-06-10T16:11:00.004+05:302009-06-10T16:22:15.097+05:30Here Comes the Big Momma!Hey all! guess wat it is this time? I am 3 months-married and already have my 4th kid here! Too much to manage eh? ur damn rite! i got one more blog this time a recipe blog! i always wanted to start one but was too lazy and never had nuff time to cook and display :) So here it is for ur viewing pleasure anytime swarskitchen.blogspot.com, Brat will b sharing his preparations occassionally too since we share the kitchen u kno :P<br /><br /><script src="http://cdn.widgetserver.com/syndication/subscriber/InsertWidget.js" type="text/javascript"></script><script>if (WIDGETBOX) WIDGETBOX.renderWidget('dc2116fa-fd41-44de-8246-b467788a326c');</script><noscript>Get the <a href="http://www.widgetbox.com/widget/whats-cooking-today">What's cooking today?</a> widget and many other <a href="http://www.widgetbox.com/">great free widgets</a> at <a href="http://www.widgetbox.com">Widgetbox</a>!</noscript><br /><br /><br />Now go n chek out my new blog and tell me how it is :Dthe blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-68540552633343373042009-05-27T15:17:00.002+05:302009-05-27T15:21:56.374+05:30I wish...i wish the tv was a woman<br />and loved him back as much...<br />yes! i love him enough to wish for that<br />no! i don love him enough to wish i was her...<br /><br />i jus want to feel jealous without feelin stupid!the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-78045679098853358862009-05-13T18:58:00.004+05:302009-05-13T19:02:26.573+05:30Havent you checked it out yet?i gave birth to <a href="http://undefinedoxymoron.blogspot.com/">Poker-faced Parasite </a>recently!the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-41806686303075485112009-05-08T13:47:00.005+05:302009-05-08T14:18:25.487+05:30Where do i write now?Yay! i write news for <a href="http://metroplots.com/">metroplots.com</a>, no m no real estate guru but yea i can write and hmm yea i can WRITE that pretty much makes me (rather i can make myself) a guru on any topic in the world! You can read it here <a href="http://metroplots.com/news/">http://metroplots.com/news/</a>. But trust me, this is a really cool real estate site for chennai rentals and apartments for sale n stuff! Yea i am looking for new place to stay .... to make a home of my own :) they provide end to end solution to make a home for newbies like me <a href="http://metroplots.com/services/">http://metroplots.com/services/</a><br /><br />Other than buying, selling and renting properties, this site is not a classified page per se, its fun to browse thro, the homepage tells u the per sq feet rate in every area in chennai, i loved that part.. so i can keep havin a watch on besant nagar and wait till the time i can buy that beach house!!!! Why am i promoting Mr. Metroplots here? cos i BLOG there and they reward me :)<br />and i thought i can let ya all kno so u can read my words of wisdom as well as write ur own and get rewarded too :) NO! i dont write for nothin, unless its on sansmerci.in :P<br /><br />If you are completely clueless to write on such stuff, jus like me :D, u can also participate in the Facebook forum, join the group. <a href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=42882173612&ref=ts">http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=42882173612&ref=ts</a>, they have happening discussions there about best places to live in chennai to interior designing to what not?<br /><br />Now lets get to business! You can join and blog too... how hard is it to write about our home? i mean the topics are not just limited to real estate so any of us who survive in any kinda place has something to write about! <a href="http://metroplots.com/blogs/">http://metroplots.com/blogs/</a><br /><br />My winning post was on Vasstu Shastra (yea rite!) and this i din wanna paste again here, but since i havent written here in a long time, pls do read my post and pass on ur comments there :) <a href="http://metroplots.com/blogs/?act=detailedBlogs&blogs_id=13">http://metroplots.com/blogs/?act=detailedBlogs&blogs_id=13</a><br /><br />PS: i ve a lot of tags to complete, i ve not been regualr on blogospehre, i been a bad gal. I will read all ur blogs, every post and comment in everything i promise, since m completely jobless starting today for the next infinite number of days to follow....the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-80428282534000717622009-04-16T00:25:00.009+05:302009-04-16T12:26:36.204+05:30My experiments with loveWarning: The following piece has a million repetitions of the word 'love' in it, buts its not remotely mushy other than the effect this word creates, but if ur still allergic to it, stay away!<br /><br />Its been 13 yrs, my hide-n-seek with love began<br />It has made me laugh, cry, crave, die,<br />But that love - It has made me who i am<br />Love I heard of, love I been in and out of<br />Love that b and not to b, love that din let me b me<br /><br />A love all divine, darling n grossly dedicated<br />And love absolutely illicit but as true as stated<br />Love lust desire and want - all around i saw....<br />But Love unselfish n unconditional leaves me in awe…<br />And there is a love-let-go-n-move-on love seeming more true!<br />This love I tell ya - whatever it is - it becomes ‘you’<br /><br />Love i realised is total old-fashioned shit,<br />Its boring, dry and overrated…<br />The Love that made me feel hatred…<br />but hate then became another way to love<br />Love so strong that took me to my death bed<br />and love then saved me from the said…<br />funny its the same Love that spins me around<br />same but aint similiar, the stinkin ol’ freakin Love<br />that makes me feel dumb, when self-love takes over this loser!….<br /><br />This love for myself that I betrayed until<br />A Love for the dark n bizarre, i fell<br />A love to hurt myself, a love to teach myself<br />In love with loneliness in love with emptiness<br />In love with love and the idea of falling in it<br />In love with anything that makes me forget my love<br /><br />Love! Love! Love! When will u b over and done with me?<br />I wanna look around and there’s nothing else I can see<br />Love for money love for the poor,..<br />Love for crime love for justice<br />Love for control love for freedom…<br />Love for the sake, love per se…<br /><br />Love, i had to write her off my life<br />Love, that cuts like a knife<br />Love, my inseparable insatiable wife!<br /><br />With all the love from deep inside me, I brought strength<br />With all the love for my life, I lived again<br />With all the love I had for her, I took her hand for help<br />With all the love I had for him, I trusted to wait<br />With all the love, all the love, all the love for love<br />I fed her own medicine to her.. so Love, ur all I see now,<br />Blinding every other thought, faith or feelings…<br />Am love-numb, am love-cuffed, am love-blind<br />Yes am a proud useless wasted classic love-fool….<br /><br />Am living Love<br />Anything else u hear, read or see is just material illusions of u mortals…the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-39138768767356951102009-04-12T23:27:00.007+05:302009-04-12T23:51:24.996+05:30My husband is a....ahh.. well.. err... nothin... hmm now that ur here, lemme tell u, actually this post is here cos:<br /><br />1. I just love saying 'My husband', what's better than having a post with that title in my blog.<br />2. I write a mandatory short post after the boring long one.<br />3. I am so bored, jobless, uninspired, unmotivated, feelin useless, good-for-nothing, pesty, etc. etc., but din wanna write a whiny-whiny post either.<br />4. I have nothing else to write on (unless u realise i've made good use of point 3 :P) but i don want to leave a long period of silence in here once again.<br />5. I just assumed that the mystery element in the title will bring in readers :D...............or not...!!!!!!!the blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-56604099149521195302009-04-02T11:10:00.013+05:302009-04-02T13:28:01.630+05:30and she will remain ONLY as a reflection in the mirror...La belle Dame Sans Merci.... i miss her... she used to be a part of me, she still is, quite literally, tatooed strategically so i can see her only thro a mirror....<br /><br />but otherwise... swarna is born... this feb 22nd 2009 i realised the ME in me and have accepted myself to be swarna... the person i never knew i am but the only person i can be... i have let my spirit free and let it be what it has to....a person who always thought she should be loved for what she is and never wanted to lose her identiy just realised she din actually have an identity until she din mold it for her loved ones, the ppl she lives with, that is her real identity! and so am loving this change within and outside me! it wasnt surprising that i was least excited bout my bday this yr since i was still baskin in the glory on my wedding... in fact i still am.. m so high up there that it seems impossible for me to get down to my dark world, however hurt however sad however let down neglected or disappointed i feel... i still m up there, RITE THERE... the effect seems impossible to fade away. YES! i attained the summit, the highest emotional point in my life last month... or mayb i will go higher wen i hold my baby... ahh no mayb not.. cos i already am a mother and that gives me more satisfaction n happiness in life than anything else... and i think a woman is a woman only wen she knows she's a mother, not wen she actually becomes one, i ve felt a mother in me even wen i was 10, i ve felt it with my kids during college days and now i can feel it completely, so am i a complete woman today?<br /><br />ahhh! i forgot the intro :D... i was supposed to write on something.. but this time there was no specific thing i wanted to write on, i was waiting for the last 40 days to think of a nice title and a hard hitting post about the wedding, feelings and values and the blah blah since i wanted the post after my wedding to be a super hit! but looks like i will not come up with any s*** and i was dying to write (don rem when i wrote last!) that i actually dreamt of blogging yday nite. One thing is that readers mite decide that i ve stopped blogging for good and another is that i mite forget how to write a blog. So today morn i woke and as soon as i logged into the internet, i decided to open blogger without second thoughts on what to write, how to write, etc. i kno there was lot of pressure as to how my post-wedding post will be and that definitely contributed to my not-writing-so-long, since i din want it to sound like i-am-the-only-person-married-on-earth or i-feel-married-and-so...hmm yea i feel married kinds :P (i really don feel like we r a just-married couple even for single moment!) but either way wud've been rong since i was tooooooo high and tooo low at the same time and i wudnt have been satisfied writing my emotions, as i was lost about how i am feeling. i think the highest degree of happiness is damn depressing, duh! thats so sansmerci, aint it?<br /><br />The real reason tho is that i ve been travelin non-stop and din have any time to sit online, except for uploading pictures... wedding pics took a month :D and the trips (we r in the process of takin out moms around north, so mostly temples it is! :P) are half way uploaded and some more to be done (oh btw, we r off to varanasi and gaya tonite!)... and for the number of honeymoon pics we have, i think will take a year to uplaod, tho am completely jobless (meaning, m without a job), i cant find a single min to sit idle and write crap and bug u all which i used to do easily almost everyday wen i was working! so now i kno what real work is, its not sittin in front of a comp and pretend to be typin (writing) something, its managing a house that is the most difficult and most enjoyable and active job in the world and it takes a lot of energy, both emotional and physical, makin one feel actually USEFUL!<br /><br />So comin bak to the topic, i decided to jus write today, without any apprehensions as to what to write and how it will sound or even without thinkin of a topic or message (posts without any message usually gets good response :D) i am a pro at non-sequential posts and so its better to start with a comfy post rite? (m jus amazed as to how m jumping topics like a train, i mean unlike a train... err...i jus m typin non-stop and gonna post this, readin it is ur prob!) and yea most ppl will jus b damn happy to c write a happy post m sure...<br /><br />How does a fish feel in an aquarium? m a piscean, he's aquarian, that explains y he's 'home' to me! Yea the fish definitely suffocates in an aquarium after being in the wide sea for years, but she slowly learns to c the beauty of the place, the pains taken to make this new home a HOME to me and the comfort i have here than the salty sea, yea the sea is still freedom, the aquarium feels dependant but its special, its mine, its made specially for me with all the care and love! There are so many things m learning tho, which will b too long to post here, but i can put in a summary and say i am learning to live... and everyday is a lesson where m surprising myself beyond belief by accepting everything with a smile as life comes, to forget disappoints and hurts overnite or even over-a-second, to deal with sarcasm, discrimination, unfairness, being neglected, arrogance or indifference (these are things i used to fear more than anything in the world) like am watchin a movie (yea whoever said u need to sit under a bodhi tree to learn to look at the world objectively, u jus need to get married once :P), to not just give without taking, but to find happiness in it, to take inequality as love and to take neglect as responsibility... n most of all tht m not a kid nemore n i will not be taken care of that way :) NO! that i am not learning deliberately :D tho i am being reminded this strongly at every instance and change, i rebel! y not? i can b a mother and a kid at the same time, i think a good mother shud b a kid at heart to kno her kid well! No i will not get everything i desire anymore, its hard but i am tryin hard to let go of my ever-giving mother (like a kangaroo!) and be HER to others! In fact m so happy now that i jus m excited bout everything including the fact that being overexcited about anything is a grave mistake and i will only disappointed in the end, m sure u all kno wat i mean.. atleast the women who are married!<br /><br />i ve never prayed or thanked anyone for the happiness in my life (if there was ever) but i jus wish i had someone to thank for this period in life, the one i enjoyed the most purely from within, even if i had been depressed all thro life, i think this ONE high tide in my life is more than enough to cherish forever! Someone once asked me if Brat did so much to me that m this hyper! I wudnt say YES or NO to that question, since its not just him, but it wud've been nothin without him. But yea its the whole thing, a new life, lifestyle, people, events, responsibilities, a home of my OWN!, a wedding that made me feel like a queen (even if i did it to myself, it still worked!)... yea i brought it from within, this happiness, this splendour, i wudnt owe it to anyone else but ME! I achieved it.... i finally found happiness in a place i never thought it is and in things i thought will hurt me and my ego...and found myself in the process... n Hell No i am not giving it up for anyone or anything, however hard u try to hurt me and turn me around to sans-merci....<br /><br />Although she will definitely remain as a memory, as a reflection on the mirror, so i can rem that i was once this person... that i will never be again... and who am i today? i thought i will be Swarna Barath but NO i was wrong... the identity i can think of myself now... is of a Mother... and a mother can never be sans merci, can she? its virtually impossible!<br /><br />So yea, if u think Swarna is married and she has changed, NO! she is a mother and she is just being one :) she is being everything she has to be and not what she wants to be, without regrets!<br /><br />YAY! i wrote sucha big post with NOTHIN at all!!!!!<br />i can beat Seinfeld, can i? :Dthe blogger formerly known as sansmercihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15533560813167752267noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-7492503719144277212009-02-18T11:59:00.001+05:302009-02-18T23:06:21.653+05:30The day I lived a million times <p class="MsoNormal">So many thoughts flowing through my head I dono where to start and where to end this post...so forgive me if u find me more non-sequential then ever … well its jus me… as u kno…But m tryin to type this post on MS Word and paste on blogger so I can be more understandable.. haha now I kno the tuff times u all go thro.. Ms Word is spittin errors on me for every word! Some copywriter eh <span style="font-size:+0;"></span>:P on my blog.. its simply freestyle!!!</p><p class="MsoNormal">ok! I am supposed to write about d-day! I am not outa topic actually, freestyle wedding it all started to be so ... then there were so many obstacles, so many disappointments, so many compromises, so many surprises,…. In the end…all’s well that end’s well rite! And this purification process is not just of my writing or my words it is of my heart, my body and my soul… I am in a process of taking all the dirt away, quite literally grooming at the salon and quite metaphorically within myself.. chasing away negativities…i don want to be sansmerci anymore.. i was never.. it was always my wannabe character and m happy won need to be nemore... so yes i am tryin to make myself pure and simple and blank for the day… the pure white dress a bride wears mite not b so in our weddings.. but it’s so in my heart…a new born with a lot to learn...
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Where is all the nervousness, all the fear, all the anxiety I had over the last few months? Its not to b seen, m numb m blank.. I already feel married… </p><p class="MsoNormal">I woke up today and touched my skin, its clear, spotless…plain, well groomed… all-set to carry the bride thro a million glances on the day…i make sure not even a nail scratches my nose or a mosquito bites my hand.. but I can only hope it stays so forever… I hope my heart stays this pure forever….so does our love!
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">They say wen we tie the ‘notorious’ thali we become god and goddess ourselves for the moment …I never believed in the concept of thali… I always thought I wud never ever wear it in my life… the influence of Indian movies… the over stressed importance worked reverse on me.. its jus so that my religion 'love' doesn’t believe in material commitments and with or without the thali as against whats represented as our ‘culture’ thro media.. I wud love him and be his wife no matter wat… thts the reason I am already swarbrat everywhere tho some people wonder and even sent congrats messages assuming the wedding must b over! yes i choose to use his name with mine.. u mite wonder what happened to the rebellious gal who wudnt want to lose her identity.. this i do outa sheer love.. to kno m gonna be a new person henceforth with a new name.. and him a part of me.. all mine... i can feel the butterflies everytime i sign his name with mine...in fact itis not thati use myname more than my nickname.. tis onlynow that i have no apprehensions in using it.. i ve found myself and the confidence to show myself i cud say...
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">and yet again i surprise myself … cos in my memory .. in my mind… in my thoughts.. tht lil thali has got on my neck a million times!.. the moment which i thought meant nothin..the moment wen everything stops.. including my heart…m sure i wud love to jump and hug him tight..shut my eyes close and forget everyone around for the next<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>infinite hours… but no I cant do that! Man! Do they even have a ‘u may kiss the bride’ in our tradition!!! I jus need a ‘u may hug the groom’ from the priest… </p><p class="MsoNormal">Every morn wen i open my eyes...its blisssss...m so not a morning person.. but these days are so different..m on cloud nine.. one more day has gone past...i imagine wakin up on 22<sup>nd</sup>.. I imagine how it wud feel on the day.. I imagine myself in my pink sari dressed with all the bridal blahblah … they do have a bridal make up trial.. yes but once! But I have it all over and over again everyday … over and over again … a trial in my head… the way i shud smile...the way I wud walk.. I have no freakin grace and I only am more clumsy in<span style="font-size:+0;"> a </span>sari! I wud make the worst bride in history of our country.. runnin around in the sari… doin all the arrangements myself.. no delicate darling don-touch-my-manicured-nails-mite-break bride I can afford to me… I cudnt afford to even take rest for the last few days… I don think i'll get my beauty sleep.. I don think I ll be all calm and peaceful the day.. I kno i<span style="font-size:+0;"> '</span>ve arranged everything to perfection and it shud work.. But still …. U know….i jus cnt sit for a min without the tension.. i feel guilty to watch tv for a few mins..really i jus cant relax!
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">But in my dreams.. yes I am… I am those fairy tale brides.. with all smokes and all around my legs :P and a few bridesmaids (I don even kno if i have ONE!) around me… and then ... and then...there is this feelin that am gonna sleep off! Seriously m not kiddin I woke up at 12 noon yesterday… can u believe I shud be dressed up by 7 in the morn on sunday! so I shud b getting up at 4 which means i sleep for 30 mins assuming that I sleep at my regular 3 or 3 30 am timing!i don rem wen i slept peacefully in the last couplea months.. eveerytime is shivarathri.. ironically my weddin reception falls on shivarathri itself! m sure i ll sleep like a log that day!
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">And then soon the day will be over… the day i waited for since I was 10 years old…i relished cherished and almost gave up will never come... and then it jus came and it ll go in a moment.. and we will be jus another married couple... all the drama all the importance.. all the show and care like we are the only people gettin married will fade out...i am not the centre of the stage anymore.. i kno i shud enjoy it wen i have it...the last 5 months went in a fraction of a second… I have totally lost track of time… a minute lasts for gazillion yrs and days last for seconds.. if u know wat I mean… </p><p class="MsoNormal">3 days and 5 hours.. I will be married.. I will be adopted into a new family.. a new mother.. a new brother… a new life.. I will be a new person…new home.. I will be born again that moment as a wife, a daughter, a sister, a more responsible and more matured person who has to lead a home of her own!</p><p class="MsoNormal">And no no high hopes! am not gonna leave alone even then...u will of course see me write all over again …
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<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Mrs. Swarna Barath</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">The blogger formerly known as </span><meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" equiv="Content-Type"><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5Cswarna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1107304683 0 0 159 0;} @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><s><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Sansmerci </span><?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p></s></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>PS: i lost my blogroll list in this change...please leave a comment, so i can add u on my blogroll again!</o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com49tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-603394555292868793.post-73565307749159089062009-02-13T10:06:00.000+05:302009-02-18T22:09:22.619+05:30The Art of Feeling Lovedi dono wat to write on d-day as everyone asks for, but i cud start by my usual abstract ways..wrting bout something i ve learnt over these 25 yrs in my life....about love...<br /><br />when does one decide to get hitched? how do u take the decision of living with someone all ur life, changing urself for them, accepting every disappointment, struggling through every obstacle that comes ur way and be strong that its 'this person' that will be committed too and wil never be tempted to choose anyone else... thats wen u decide to legally become someones husband/wife, the amount of confidence it takes on the other person is not simple... so much of insecuity, so much of apprehension, so much of fear of the unknown future... what breaks it allmakes the heart happy and long so deepyly for the day i ll be all his.. is the love...m sure u all wud agree.. if not for love.. flowers would've remained mere parts of a plant's anatomy...<br /><br />what is this love that makes the world spin around and reproduce and changes the by-default selfish nature of human into a 'giving' nature? is it the attraction/crush i felt towards the 13 yr old boy wen i was in 8th std, and i thought i will be married to him one day after probably 20 yrs :P or the lengths i went thro wen i was 17 to make sure my family accepts my affair with my 'boyfriend' at school and get me married by the time i finish my UG! or probably run away with him wen m 18 and never turn bak...and yea live happily ever after like a movie couple!<br /><br />Now i was 20 and i realised its time to move on...and i knew that family comes first and there's no better love than their's. I found a nice person at heart, who let me be myself, learn, grow up, no strings attached, no forceful commitments and posseiveness, no kiddish fites as with the teenage love... i felt myself grow in the relationship, made me see the world as a better place and more to life than all this... 'love' found yet another meaning in my life... but mayb i grew too much outa it...there are some people like a ladder in life u will never forget ur gratitude towards them and he's one of it, but i still din get enuff love i think ... mayb i am insatiable... and i had to fly... far away to learn life by myself.. independant of family and friends...<br /><br />and there was another learning.. another life i had to learn.. the hard way.. and another love.. much stronger... much longer and much more important than anything i had in life... so is this love? the one i wud give anything for? i wud go thro anything for, I wud give my life for... i am 22, am i ready to commit to one person? how do i decide? u think u wud want to live with a person u love? hell no! i cud love a million people, once i decide on my life partner i cud love him to death, and thats how arranged marriages work rite? love is inside you and u decide who to shower it on....<br /><br />so YES! the fact remains that u decide to live all ur life with someone with whom u FEEL loved! and it doesnt come so easily... its very easy to show love, to express it, to give, its too damn difficult to take, to find and to feel loved unless the person is someone who showers it everyday dramatically... and if u think its an energy that comes from the outside, i don think so, to feel loved is an art in itself, to feel wanted, to feel important, to feel special to someone, it takes so much strength within to know that ur worthy of this person's love esp. this person who u think is worth ur love. its once in a million yrs that these two coincide and thats wen u see the rainbows and butterflies in colors u havent seen since u were 13 and had ur different versions of love...<br /><br />i, being a cynic, being a person with very low self esteem with high self-confidence, is the worst in this art, i cud be called a child's scribble at sketchin in feelin loved and watever u do, i will still feel unworthy of ur love...and then i decided to get hitched to the long term love of my life, only cos i love him and not cos i felt loved... i ran away from him who i was running to...n then i learnt my mistake...what was missin from my heart...i learnt it...yes i did wen i was 25, and learnt it religiously in the last one yr.. to know what love actually is, to know how to absorb it from everyday actions, to know thatur being loved and wanted... to ignore the fights, to ignore moments of anger, to ignore broken promises, to ignore being ignored.. and to c the whole picture... to see beyond material everyday happenings... to feel loved and cherished.. it comes from me.. its from within that it needs to start... its my decision to feel loved or unloved by someone...very simply taken from the decision he has made to love me forever....<br /><br />...and then i found HIM, its been the same him for all the while but its a HIM in my heart now and it'll remain on the throne forever... cos i feel loved.. i KNOW he loves me come what may, expressed or implied... cos 'I' know it.. and i have learnt to know it....the art of feeling loved is the toughest to learn ever...and once u do... ur ready to start a life, a family, be THE mother to the entire family and give love unconditionally!<br /><br />I AM READY!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com22