Tuesday, November 13, 2007

When Pain plays Hero

Here we go ……… I have decided to bring this blog bak to life not jus by writing but to write in a more pleasant way or shud I say not my kinda way. Yes it shud b a surprise to all u ppl who wud b expecting the same old depressed crap from me … nah nah … guess wat I ve grown up! No not really m still growing outa it … I dono wat m gonna write on ..I read somewr that writers block can be cured by writing down random thoughts scribbling continuously whatever comes to the mind! Now that I have an audience for it … I decided I shud do it …….

BLOCK! No this is not gonna happen! I have decided to survive and not look for a reason to do so. Every human being needs a motivation something to look forward to in life to move on, knowingly or unknowingly. Life sucks otherwise like it did for me .. no reason to wake up or work or even breathe. But when I think of it now I cant really relate my depression to one reason. I cant really answer if someone asked me y the fuk were u depressed! But now I know there r ppl in the world down in the dumps who need serious help. Doctors and treatments do help or maybe they don’t I don really know. It is a disease as pathetic as anything else but ppl feel ashamed to say it out cos they r not really understood. Like any part of the body the brain also goes for a toss sometimes.

Modern psychiatry doesn’t believe in the ‘mind’ at all. Its funny they calculate everything only with the chemicals in the brain but call it ‘mind care clinics’ hehe .. neways they think humans r just a machine and we work, think and act depending on what brain commands. We r jus flesh n blood, emotions r jus hormonal. Feels like m told m not a person at all. But yes I believe in science I gota agree with them. In the process, ppl say ive lost my funnybone. Yea? I find it true too. I cant write for nuts how much this has got into my life. Lost all my friends, lost my talent I based my career on, hurtin myself real bad losin self esteem n confidence is the worst part of anything. Now am in the best stage! Tryin to bring bak everything into my life isn’t really so easy wen the after effects are so deep. But m sure they r not unrecoverable.

No I still have no reason to live. But I decide to survive!

Now m gonna stop using this as my personal diary and start writing good stuff trust me I will … (wink wink). Maybe I shud start with changing my template to a sweeter one!