A dedication to sansmerci...

who is still wondering if she should c 25 or no? Time’s running out there is just a few hrs more…

My hearts been beaten black and blue
My green veins are running a reddish hue
My eyes tear-ing into a salty brown
My nose turns pink, m looking like a clown
My dried up scars are splitting again
My scratching nails are yellow n insane
My blotted body is pale turning white
Rainbows are jealous looking at this sight!
Happy Birthday Baby!

My resolution is to remember that am nothing special and everybody has birthdays and not to make a fuss about it from now on, now that am 25 .. Am celebrating silver jubilee.. Uh! Here I go again … but hey what’s wrong is being happy on my birthday .. After all its just about one day for me!

And yes I will grow up … like everyone wants me to.. or I wont just like everyone says!

And yea sansmerci.in, formerly known as undefinedoxymoron.blogspot.com has reached 10,000 hits since August 2006.

Another reason to celebrate? I got more than a million reasons to celebrate in the last few weeks but I realized I’ve become absolutely nirvanic and have learnt to take both excitement and pain with numbness. Now am I matured?

Lesson learnt: Lying is maturity, fraud is the beginning of wisdom, and hypocrisy makes you a complete human being!

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this now or posting it, but I do need a birthday post and a 10k post but am sorry this is my current state of mind. But I promise there is a lot coming up; I’ve been researching on many topics lately. How interesting it is to you, I really don’t know. Also written some stories to be published here.

Anyways wish me into the next quarter of my life starting from tomo. Am looking forward to lose a lot this yr right from my identity as sansmerci to my loneliness to my insanity to my habits to my immaturity(really don want to) to my weight (really want to) etc etc. It ll be a New-me or a No-me for good.

PS: I ve started writing restaurant/food reviews on chennai.burrp.com as Sansmerci of course. DO follow up!

Once upon a time there was a 'Sansmerci'

Who am i what am i doing here
disturbed lost and confused
where do i belong what do i live for
what shud i compromise
what shud i stand up for
how do i please everyone
how do i not hurt anyone
sometimes whats rite seems rong
if this is rite then which is rong?
is love aint true?
Does hostility rule?
if i cant answer these
i aint worth this life she gave me
or mayb i am but again i don agree...
one thing am sure of my
life or death will be with you
so if am worth it or not is totally upto you!

DON FORGET TO VOTE!

Tagged by PointBlank and here are my answers

Eight things I am passionate about:

1. Writing – utter crap at least I don care as long as I let my thoughts out n there is at least one person to read it.
2. Cooking – its an art I like to master I jus love to experiment and play with flavors n cuisines .. not killed anyone yet so m lil confident ..mayb I ll b a chef or open a restaurant one day .. like every tom dick n harry wants to
3. Children – love em wherever whoever however they r .. n consider every kid in the world to b mine .. m too damn selfish
4. Love – wanna spread it .. make it a world religion/epidemic .. I kno its impossible
5. Beauty/art – admire it in any form gals/boys/nature/painting/writing/eyes/words/sadness/saris/beach/children/poetry/what not .. a thing of beauty is a joy forever!
6. Depression/ death – I kno ur all sighing there but I cnt deny it its true .. I do admire and enjoy sadness, m in love with it and I worship death and the gothic/psychedelic emotions/feelings/experience attached to it … well I think it takes a lota depth to understand the beauty n passion of this .. yea am a goth/emo.. call me whatever
7. Emotions – I hate indifference, wats life without emotions m either too elated or too sad.. but its nice to b in extremes than b bland n numb .. that’s real death
8. LOVE MAKING – It is an art! I think it’s the essence of life birth love emotions creation relationships and everything that gives a reason to live … the way i can express love and feel loved … I think if one is not passionate in love making they can as well not be alive ..

Eight things I want to do before I die (In no particular order):

1. Adopt my baby/grow her into the most loved and spoilt brat
2. Build an orphanage – I know thts jus a dream
3. Make my amma feel proud of me/ as the most loved mother for at least a minute in her life
4. Live in a dream beach house
5. Visit the world - Singapore Bangkok Mauritius Australia Paris Switzerland London Dubai? Nice try!
6. Find out what LOVE actually is
7. Become a famous writer! Yea rite!
8. KISS A GIRL AM IN LOVE WITH and vice versa…

Eight things I say often:

1. Yea rite!
2. Nice try!
3. ammaaaaaaaa
4. k/whatever/like I give a dam/fuk/like I care
5. I dono/hehe
6. FUK OFF/dumb fuker/loser/asshole – am a bad gal L
7. :D/Huggy - Yea i live on the internet
8. thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Eight books I’ve read recently:

I am not a reader .. guess everyone knows it … lemme try answering anyway!

1. Sweet valley university – lota episodes.. oh I mean versions uh? Ok whatever u call it.
2. Tell me your dreams – my all-time fav and many other Sidney Sheldon novels which all seem the same to me now
3. MEN R FROM MARS WOMEN R FROM VENUS – non-ficiton i cud relate to n enjoy reading!
4. Da vinci code – that was like a duty to read since everyone did
5. wow m at 5 think I can do it .. hmm hmm yea I used to read a few comics/childrens magazine
6. ahh 3 more .. lemme c .. I ve read stories written by myself I ll blog them soon
7. I follow many blogs regularly
8. yes I read sansmerci.in over n over again esp the comments!

Neways I don read I prefer watchin dvds.

Here are 8 (Not really!) Movies I can watch over n over:

1. Girl interrupted – the story of my life!
2. Love actually – story of everyones life!
3. Big daddy – or any kid movie for tht matter
4. 50 first dates (adam sandler movies/romantic comedies)
5. Finding nemo – NUMBER ONE always! And many other animation movies
6. Butterfly effect/monster/ many more psycho thrillers
7. Rangeela – only Hindi movie I love and some Indi movies like Flavors, FIRE
8. alaipayuthey /minnale /snehithiye/ dum dum dum!

Eight songs I could listen to, over and over:

Right now it is -

1. Kryptonite – 3 doors down
2. Where is the love – BEP
3. Lemon tree – Fool’s garden
4. Aisha – outlandish
5. Fuck it – eamon
6. King of sorrow – sade
7. Iris – goo goo dolls
8. She will be loved - Maroon 5

It changes too damn often … depends on my mood .. n 8 is too less a number for music ..don you think?

Eight things that attracts me to my best friends:

1. Broad mindedness
2. Open n frank n honest
3. Partner in crime
4. Non-judgmental/non-stereotyping
5. rebellious no boundaries outa the box thinking but no westernization or attitude … need to b down to earth
6. Good looking and an eye for the good looking!
7. Be there wen m down n listen to my advice patiently wen they r down
8. Put up with my moods and understand my immaturity PAMPER ME!

Eight people I think should do this tag:

Everyone on my fav list and if possible more ppl .. but u think ppl are as jobless as I am?

Anyway who wants to read all this about me? Hey wait dont tel me am gonna be spammed! oh Crap!

Lonelytown

This place I don’t belong faking life
This time I don’t emote faking smile
I wanna go home to lonelytown
I wanna go back where I belong
My shiny tears and beautiful fears
Dark and cloudy silent and haunted
Where is my pain am missing you
Where is my sorrow m empty without you
Come and take me home my gothic baby
Happy clowns here r scaring me
Oh so phony. Oh so crazy!
Come take me home to lonelytown
Come take me home to lonelytown
That is where I belong!

I am starving without some bleeding
I am dying without some insanity
Life so eventless so mediocre so nothing
Life so pretentious so-called happy!
Where I am, am so lost, lost in the crowd
Crowd of clones with no mind of their own
Save me from this place filled with sham
The cheater ‘joy’ and the fooling ‘excitement’
The Liar ‘love’ and the selfish ‘compassion’
Am sorry momma I gotta go back now
Don’t worry I’d be better in my home
Am going back to lonelytown
Am going back to lonelytown
That is where I belong!