Resolutions and Reflections

Guess whose bak?...errr... I mean who's bak! Feels nice to sit in office ... relax ... browse... chat and blog in peach once again! Seriously, there is no other heaven!

End of the year and i have loads to post, but i decided on doin this as my last one for the year! This blog that brought me bak to life everytime i decided to walk away and took all the bashings with no complains... deserves a lil promotion here, don ya think? Here's a small presentation on a list of posts that mean somethin to me, its a special year cos it went from a blogspot to have a domain name and will soon become a part of a site, it became what i wud proudly call 'popular' than 2007 with massive increase in readership all of a sudden in 2008... and of course the contents changed and the tone changed in this new birth... but the attitude remains :) and it always will!

Before i write bout my favourite posts... i decided to chek out my last years' new year post and resolutions... and here it is

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

Check out resolutions! man! have i followed any? u gota tell me that... but lemme see...

(resolutions cut paste from the last post is in bold and my reply to it now is in italics for ur reading convenience :))

I will believe in love once again.. will fall in LOVE once again with all faith and belief and make it the perfect relationship I was looking for

ahem.. YES.. i have made a impressive attempt at that and succeeded in believing again!

I will be a happy person; I will bring happiness to people around me. I wont get into my lonely dark world and cry out for love.

Frankly, i ve done my best on this but m sure i ve loads to improve! i stay strong, but get into swings and phases, tho not as strong or long as before and still do and need to get over it...

I will find my career in writing with confidence by writing positive, thinking creative and most of all have a good self image

You gota gimme a pat for that! I have turned this blog into somethin almost positive from a dark hole trap! and yes i am in advertising now which i never thought i will be wen i wrote that post... and 'burrp' is a heaven sent boon...!

I will take care of my health and body to feel good looking again... eat right... work out

i did i did ... but lost it somewhere in the end again ... but not giving up... doin it again!

listen to the one person who loves me unconditionally keep her happy by being happy and a good gal

NO, i didnt do that but i will take the resolution again this year, although its too late for me to prove it to her nemore :) i will try!

yes am trying to become a teetotaler (really really com’on!) and am sure I’ll achieve it soon

i kno some of my close friend who read this last year had a good lauf... what say now? No m not a teetoler... but not an impulsive abuser or a party animal nemore! i mean i don even rem the last time i got high :)

On a second thought, man! that sucks.. is this me? hey is there a new year around anytime for an excuse? :D

travel the world or atleast DREAM and plan for it and work for it

not really...i can still do it... never late.. i ve explored a lot more than i have in all the 25 years b4 this...i shud say burrp has changed my life a lot, it has inspired me and motivated like anything else.. i swear i realised it as i type this post, i ve never had responsibililty and i ve never known what my interest was ... something that made me proud of myself for the first time :)

now y did i reply that to that... watever

visit my kids often love them more find more kids and bring more happiness to myself!

NO i didnt do it.. i hate me.. i'm giving myself this year one last chance b4 i decide to hate myself for life

follow what life has taught me

I have followed this religiously this year, and giving out advices like a moral saint too!

YES! I will DREAM! I will LOVE! No force inside or outside me can stop it again and if it does m gonna throw it outa me or outa my life

YES i did dream i did love with all my heart and clearly neglected any force that even showed any signs of negativity wen i dreamt or loved... i didnt throw those outa my life but i have learnt to ignore and dream & love for my own happiness selfishly! if u kno wat i mean, else never mind!

I am sure I’ll be on my blog in 2009 Jan! Lets c if I keep up all this then I’ll b a better person definitely in love (probably married) :D with lotsa kids where ever I go.

and so here i am being the good gal that i promised to be, keepin my word and leavin to open consideration if i did follow my resolutions sincerely to you all, but yes i kno i am a better person than i was this day last year and i hope to be even better person, but the best wife, DIL and SIL at the first attempt itself hopefully :) So the probably-married part is changing to a will-be-married in this post!

The goth inside me has died for sure, although i miss her at times, i do feel its all for good, that was a time i wondered if its even possible to be happily happy and how much pleasureable can it be than being depressed! i partly believe in it now too, there is a pleasure in being depressed which once tasted is tuff to come out of, but no i don wanna hurt ppl around me nemore and m happy tht i ve started lovin happiness for a change or atleast m tryin to at most times! OK cuttin the non-sequencial train of my restless mind... lemme list my all time favourite posts here!

My first post

STAND BY ME - will always remain special to me cos its bout the closest thing to my heart, something which has such an effect, that ur opinion can make or break my relationship with u

Not man enuff for me - that was my first controversial post, i kept in my draft for days and finally wented out the frustration with the courage to post it, tho there were a lot more horrible ones that took over, but first always feels good!

No means maybe Yes .... - Speaks a lot bout me and my weaknesses

I don believe in 'Life After Death' - startin of a phase i went thro... i dread those dark days even to read on words now!

socially dead virtually alive - something to ponder!

Raindrops n Seashore .... - wen i fell in love...

Frozen chilli - one of my favourite dark poetry

za za zsu - i love crushes!

Quotable quotes by Sansmerci - :P

MAn! i feEl LikE a wOmaN !! - short and sweet post!

i cant write for nuts .. u FOoooooooools!! ... y d... - u really have to read this, takes just a second... trust me... duh! me and my mood swings..

Who broke my penance of death ??? - wen i hit rock bottom!

Flirtin death - truly from goth!

rEbOrN 2 lIvE tHiS dEatH aGaiN? - very short but not so sweet post!

Wanna know how long u gonna live? - this gets the highest hits on my blog! i dono y!

BUT in Chennai! - that brought loads of attention

Forgive me spiderman, for i think otherwise! - i simply like it for the title, i am a genius uh! ;)

Wise men say only fools rush in... - seriously nobody understood this one liner post, so i like it!

A letter to my 18-year-old self - i tagged myself and jus poured my heart out!

Torn apart..... - somethin i thought noone will understd, but i was surprised at the response!

i jus realised most of my favourites are from older posts, recent posts seem more commercial eh! and the epitome of it i shud say is this one....

Push up my bra like that, Porno Paparazzi girl... - needs a special mention cos ... its a post strongly sayin that its not just sex that sells and the post by itself proved it rong, it gets me readers and hits from every tiny town in some corner in the world every single day like noother post ever has for me, jus cos of the words used in the title, yea its the sex that sells this post more than anyother in my blog! A true oxymoron in itself!

And yes i wanna tell u my favourite comments too! wait wait... don run away... i kno m already yappin for too long... so instead m gonna pass on this award given to me by Reflections to my favourite commentators, her rules are simple

Display the Award in your page
Award them to your favourite commentators.
Ask them to forward it to their favourite commentators.
And dont forget to link their page to their names.

I wud like to thank all my readers but specially thank the commentators who take an effort to leave their opinion n motivate me and this award is for the extra special people who are here regularly makin me feel alive and important, so i kno i am not blabbering to myself here, i do have an audience for the crap i write ... So here we go, this is for u for puttin up with me :)

anoobhooti - Renu! am sure she knows this is comin to her first! i was unknown, unsettled, unorderly and almost felt unwanted in this blogosphere until i knew that she'll be among the first few to comment... n i try to watch my language too for her :) (ah can u believe i jus said that?)... and yea she is my lucky charm, somehow after she started makin visits, this place has become a picnic spot :) my circle of blog friends has increased invariably!

mysoor pak conversations - Edita... i dono this felt nice, she actually mentions my name in her blog and says i motivate her, seriously love the way u write comments like i mean a lot ... wen i wonder if i actually did mean anything at all!

The fat lady's rantings - Tess! came outa the blue, first person who caught me on orkut, made me feel like a celeb!! tho now i have most of my blogmates on FB or orkut ... felt good the first time... hurray! somebody actually read me and wanted to kno me personally, howzzat?

Reflections - i asked for this award and she jus happily handed it over to me, what other reason do i need? haha... frankly, a very good source of encourgement thro her regular comments!

Psychedelic - i shudve mentioned her first as always, but she been busy lately :P but m sure she's one of the very few committed visitors and commentators on my blog from day 1 i mean post 1!

Nautankey's Stage - i shud confess, i was actually thinkin its a 'she' wen i read his comments, then i knew its a 'he' wen i read his blog, i was surprised... no offence to guys... but its true, i can make out a male comment from a female comment... but seriously this was deceptive, but thts wat i like bout it!... my latest commentator but a loyal, genuine and unbiased one at that!

Multimenon - Ah how did u slip my mind! sorry multi, tho this comes late to him.. i kno hes totally worth it being a regular motivator at my blog here! and m sure he ll be there this year too! and yea thanks for writing EVERYTIME :) without fail...

VJ - i cant link vj cos he doesnt have a blog, so i had mention in the end, tho it hudve been on the top otherwise! Someone who has always been here and who i kno will always b! and no matter what s*** i write, it ll be a frank and honest opinion on it for sure.. so that i ll kno what to do next time! the blog wudnt have passed even the first yr without ur support :)

B - there's nothin like hearin from the other half, i jus love every bit of wat he has to say to me good or bad... who takes an extra effort to kno me better? i mean even better? and more better!

ahh.. that has come to become a longer post than i intended to make it into... but i still feel incomplete....did i forget something? ... hmmm...did i?....

oh yea Happy New Year! Have an awesomeeeeeeeeee 2009!

This will be a special year for me, i will be born again as a new person with a new family to take care of! i hope and wish it will be a special year for you too, in a way or the other for sure!

c ya all next yr.... muaaaaaaaah :)

Who says you cant go home?

As the humid salty and hot early morning wind blew swiftly across my hair and face wakin me up bak to reality... bak home... bak to life or lets say my life.. or even better wen i say my kinda life...i almost instantly started typin in my mind... this post... the one on Chennai and the feelings and emotions associated with it ... CUT! (i did try writing like a writer... didnt i?... no? ok forget it...lets continue b4 i lose sequence once again :D)

i kno i kno.. m a drama queen.. i jus been outa the place for a month or a lil more now and i already feel nostalgic wen i get bak there for a couplea days.. But man! home is home rite? i felt the same way after i returned there in '06 too.. a place ive never left for more than 2 days.. i left for a year and a half... everyone said i ll start to hate it once i leave it.. but i only fell in love with it more.. in its absence or my absence in it.. and comfort'll spoil u eh? whoever says home's not comfortable? is, according to me, an emotional orphan...

This time the problem was a different one! My train to Chennai is at 11 45 PM in Cauvery Express and i casually watch the news (which btw in itself is news!) and the headlines go like1. Tight security in airports and railway stations (rite after mumbai attacks!), many flights were cancelled, 2. the water level (esp in my area) in Chennai after cyclone 'Nisha' was still horrible and ppl were travelin by boat, and there was a cyclone threat the very next day wen i had booked my return ticket!, 3. the babar masjid thingie was on that day....ahm.. Dec 6th i guess? and so there was for threat in public places...no wonder! and 4. was the best..our very own cauvery issue and there was some problem being created in trains between no-points-for-guessing where? Bangalore and Chennai of course (Remember Cauvery Express?) ... When everyone said i need to cancel my tickets! There i stood... brave and patriotic :P WHO SAYS I CANT GO HOME? After all i was there so many years and ppl are scarin me from goin there for a day? i went, i suvived and am bak! with all ur blessings i must add :P

Ah! i never want religion or politics in my blog thts the main reason i never wrote bout even the cruel mumbai incident... but somehow it peeps in.. i truly hate these subjects partly due to irritation and partly due to my ignorance which u wud be knowing by now!

So now comin bak to Namma Chennai ... as soon as i got down in the chennai central station, wow! the smell of chennai, hated by many, i jus took a deep breath... m homeeeeeeeeee! and the notorious autoguys! how can someone even start writing a post on Chennai without a reference to them? As they approached me buggin like pests to give them a share of my non-existant fortune to drop me home... i usually bark bak releasing half of my frustration from the journey... but this time i gave a knowing smile.. that meant so much to me... things like oh-how-i-missed-this and gosh-this-never-changes...and a lot more! Yea i kno the auto guys must've thought m nuts or i din understand tamil or m another tourist to milk from! .. duh who cares? there's a flashback already reeling in my head...my eloquence in Chennai Tamil, my days of outsmarting the smart auto guys.. my rides to office... my fites with the auto stand group and my pride in marchin away from them ... (well u'll never kno the kidnap and rape scenes that run in my head wen m doin the forward march... hmm unless u do some sorta psychic reading or read this post now of course!)

...and wen the auto started and sped away 15 kms in 10 mins! the humid salty hot wind blowin against my hair...reminded me once again... this speed.. this rush.. i missed it.. everything seems slower wen m not in Chennai... life comes to a full stop or at times some dots like this... a very long one in that...even the autos are freakin slow leave alone missin my dear bikey ... sometimes i jus feel like gettin out and walkin along with the 'ricks' in bangalore! People say m too damn fast, i need a speed breaker... now i kno where i got it from.. its in the blood i c, its in the brought up! Who else brought me up u think? Other than the city that made me so strong, taught me to be shrewd and told me that am capable... and whatever and everything that is i am today... i can survive and adapt to any place with the lessons learnt from this place called Home... where my heart always is... and will be...

So i say with pride today... u can take the gal outa the city, but u can never EVER take the city outa the gal! WHAT SAY?

PS: Before you ask me or come to a decision about my 'titling' skills, why do i name mosta my posts after a song? One, cos it easily comes to my head, two, cos it gets a lota hits and brings in new readers from google...i kno wat ur thinkin...shameless! :P

Outta the Blue...

Beep Beep

Busy?

Beep Beep

What will a single woman be busy with at this time in the nite?

Beep Beep

(Absolutely outa the blue) Do you think Indian women are less Virile?

Beep Beep

Duh wat? (bad vocab for a copywriter i kno i kno :))

Beep Beep

... are they less horny?

Beep Beep

whatever makes you think so?

Beep Beep

It's just a general opinion

Beep Beep

I dont think so and its too huge an issue to be generalised so easily!

Beep Beep

I am not generalising but it jus seems so

Beep Beep

i think talkin bout sex esp by women has been considered a taboo in Indian society and that makes women shut up when they feel horny but that doesnt make them any less hornier than ur and i don think its the case anymore.. infact women are becomin too open about their sexuality these days much beyond men do..don u watch movies.. y r u thinkin so conservative.. wat makes u think so.. i think ur judgin on the basis of someone u kno? Do you think its good that they are less horny or do u have a prob with it? and what is rong if they are.. its not that they are.. but i strongly feel that u need to wake up to the present... times have changed and u have to agree... Ding! SMS limit reached

Trin Trin Trin

Me: Hello?

snakecharmer: Wow u actually picked up a call? Are you ok? why do u get so tensed for this?

Me: i am not a 'fone' person u kno...fone calls make me feel weird! i can yap away in person ...or am better on sms or even better online! i've already started bloggin bout this in my head!

snakecharmer: Man i wudnt write such a thing in my blog...

Me: There u go... so ur less hornier than i thought eh!

snakecharmer: Cme'on Sans... my parents'll read my blog.. my cousins will.. my bro will!

Me: So what.. so does my mother.. so will my MIL soon! What else is bloggin there for.. and how do to expect ppl to be interested in ur blog otherwise?

snakecharmer: hmm...why dont you write on how not to flirt with women? i'm sure u've met numerous guys who've hit on u having absolutely no idea how to do it!

Me: i cant write on a given topic! i suck at it!

snakecharmer: Trust me Sans .. u'll write very well on it and it'll be an instant hit!

Me: silent

snakecharmer: How about this? "How to give men sleepless nights" atleast dont say u dont know how to do that!!!!

Me: yea rite!

snakecharmer: Trust me, it will make an interesting piece for ur readers... i've tasted both beauty and wine and wud say without a doubt that beauty is more intoxicating than wine...

Me: silent

snakecharmer: Man! what does a man have to do to prove himself in these situations...

Me: silent

snakecharmer: (giving up) Hmm ok I think u shud jus stick to wat u do best?

Me: and that is ...?

snakecharmer: FLIRT!

Bang!

Beep Beep

Ok now tell me ... Wassup????

What am tryin to say? well first and foremost.. i ve forgotten how to write a post! been busy.. yea u read it rite .. for a change i was busy with work.. and squeezin in time to read other blogs now and then ... and yea i've been thinkin wat to blog on but hell cudnt get anything at all.. i need a lota inspiration i see. the more happier my life's gettin the worst my words are gettin ... now i dono if i shud hope for a better life or for better words? it is a tuff decision i tell u .. knowin how much my words mean my life to me!

Anyways the above conversation raised a lot of 'whys' in my head which i thought i ll put down here since i have nothin else to write about and i dont want this blog to be forgotten until my brain resumes bak to actually writing something read-worthy, if it ever does...

So here it goes:

Why are women who speak bout their sexuality casually considered an outcast? or are they even considered so anymore?

Why is that a man who is not horny nuff incapable but a woman who is too horny a whore?

Why is SMSing/chattin and blogggin more comfortable to express views and opinions? Or is it just me?

Why do women never believe men and men always wanna prove themselves?

Why is beauty considered more intoxicating than wine? or is it not?

Why do people generalize so much? Is it impossible to not judge? i mean i am already generalising here!

Why are grown-ups scared to let out their opinion in public? Who are we hiding those public secrets from?

Why do conversations between the opposite genders always involve something that is considered not-so-appropriate to be considered interesting?

Why am i not good at anything else but flirting?

Why the hell do i care?

PS: I am having a painfully severe block, can u suggest something i am good at writing so i can refresh my blog from the next post making it read-worthy? or mayb u suggest i take this as a sign and shut down this blog for good and give you some peace eh?