A tribute to the not so FAIR sex....

sometimes life is so unfair...i know thats sucha cliched statement and u already kno this post is fulla my rants :P not really... i am a person who truly believes giving gives happiness and taking only leaves u feelin guilty and uncomfortable... but at some point a gal reaches saturation (Read men are from mars women are from venus!) i kno that book has inspired me lots mayb cos its the only one i ve read in life :D but seriously that almost seems like the story of my life and love ...mayb thats y it took me nuff interest to read it ....

there are many things money cant buy ... love is not one of it anymore... as lotsa ppl say and many ppl think and some people believe...but wat my life has taught me is that appreciation is one of it...it is probably the rarest commodity to get today and hence it is the biggest gift anyone can gimme.. now u kno y all my readers are so valuable? that wasnt said for the sake of readership but truly after all u do .. the least u can get is a smile of appreciation that u ve made someone happy with ur efforts...

like i had writen in my spiderman post... power does not bring in responsibility anymore..its more like someone has the power, some other the responsibility, someone else accounted for and yea the doormat does all the dog work! no m not talkin bout jus the work done or talent shown.. even love expressed ... wen not appreciated (note i din say reciprocated) is the worst thing money or anything u do for that matter can never buy... its jus so elusive!

y am i talkin all this shit? no m not in a good mood u got it rite! and i don even have the rite to trash it on my gtalk status anymore since m gettin married and anything i say in my status seems to be understood related to that! cant i have my usual mood swings :) ok if u don believe me lemme quote a small instance here...

There is young maid in our bangalore house say around 18 yrs old, who falls sick, and her sister (who happens to be even younger) comes to do the chores, i get pissed i tell my mom if she gonna let her do the work i will call the cops rite away for child labor!.. i am seen as an insensible idiot :( who lives by the text book rules ... mom promises to not let her work from the next day...so i look at this almost 8-yr old kid with her torn frock shown all her bak... and with that picture in my head i go to work... its disturbing me all day...i walk thro commercial street (as usual!) on my way bak home and those cute kids wear that i always love to watch and jus waiting to buy for someone n dyin to have kids jus for that sake! invite me inevitable.. i buy some and give this kid outa sheer selfishness of gettin the pleasure of buyin those cute stuff and takin away the guilt of makin the kid work for a day in my house and most of all make her promise that she will go to school regularly henceforth! *interval*

what happens next? she starts comin everyday to our house hopin to get something.. doesnt care bout school anymore.. tries to steal some cds... talks arrogantly to my mom...says that the dress already got old and she needs more after2 weeks... finally runs off with some 100 bucks and never comes bak... what do i get in return? everytime she does something i get all the scoldings like she is my kid! well words go like.. u think ur mother teresa ... u go buy that gal some crap she got on our heads... u jus dono who to trust... ur an idiot of the first order.. ur a fool bcos of u we lost a maid now.... u do all ur social service crap somewhere.. wat u think of urself don show off at home...etc etc.. i was left alone with a tear,... no i din have the heart to curse that kid even then ...i did it for my own pleasure... and i got bak nuff for it!

so that aside... y this title u ask as always... i kno ive always tried to be politically correct and try not to sound feministic... but wat the hell i am a gal and i need to relate wen the unfair sex sends unwarranted accuses in the form of forwarded emails.. oh yea they have this line always with it that says fwd to gals with a sense of humor only! i do have a betetr sense of humor than u wen the joke is on u :)

so this forward mail called 'guys rules' which has been comin to me for almost 3 4 yrs on a regular basis now.. always made me feel sick and irritated tho i never usually relate myself to gals (as most of u know!) with least gal friends to talk to know their attitudes and as most of my readers are men too i don even think of writing anything against them... but there were exceptions.. and this is one such post that will definitely start a controvery! but hey this thing made me feel too unfair on the part of the guys... which i ve quite learnt by experience is a basic characteristics of that gender...no wonder we are called the 'fair sex' and it took me too long to understand this!

so here it goes: My comments are in strong and bold letters! these are not my personal comments, infact some i don even relate to..like shoe shopping n stuff.. but yea 'i' here represents women as stereotyped to be as such!( i am not so.. but whats-ur-problem-even-if-i-am kinds!) :) and the 'u' here truly represents men who follow these rules.. if ur an exception don take it to heart... else pls do.. if u have one that is!

PS: excuse me for some words here.. i jus cudnt let out the frustration without the rite words!

The Guys' Rules
---------------------------

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally! , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers. - yea they are tube lites

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. - you just complained!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. - yea its not, shopping is another form of entertainment and it takes some maturity to kno sports is not the only form!

1. Crying is blackmail. - indifference is not human

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!- yea we already know ur tube lites, we got it at the first hint!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question. - there is something called 'doin it for u' which leaves us with a 'maybe if u want to' but yea how will u understand what that means?

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. - what exactly is ur boyfriend's a**-hole for?

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. - that means i need to c a lawyer u idiot! oh yea ur slow at getting hints rite! :P

1 Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. - find someone with a short term memory loss

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys. - ur already acting like one here!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. - if u think ur balding... don walk with me wen we go out! (since ur clearly shortsighted to see the extend we go to just look good for YOU !)

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one . - i jus heard u say 'm a loser'!

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. - u don have to tell it.. its apparent that ur good for nothing

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. - well sorry i love commercials, cant take my eyes off them to waste time on u!

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. - don waste the goddamn gas and my precious time for ur useless ego's sake!

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. - yea ur ignorant...so? wats ur point?

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that. - very much! we will fart wen u want us to tip toe like a delicate darling in that high heels to ur friends party...

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act likenothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. - exactly y it wasn't worth tellin u wat was rong either!

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear - y do u answer where u don have to... shameless?

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really. - watever makes u think m dressin up for u? don u c the million other eyes on me! :P (so u do kno it and want it rite... y r u in complete denial?)

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf. - don marry me unless ur ready to go shopping for shoes everyday! :P

1. You have enough clothes. - u watch enough tv!

1. You have too many shoes - how come u noticed? i thought u have better work!

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! - thats a good one... flicked from somewhere.. get real! don cry after i leave...

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight - one thing i accept :) but y just tonite? remember? we dont have short term memory loss!

i always considered women a mystery, men are so open and easy to understand! i jus cant get along with gals and they unanimously hate me i dono y! but i so wish i was a guy so i can fall in love with a gal madly... i think she'll be truly worth it physically and emotionally and morally....

Disclaimer: Like i said none of these are my personal things, its jus to get bak at this email forward i used to get... as lucky that i am.. i ve got a guy who is too broadminded and loving to be sterotyped into any of this... i had to say this cos my wedding is around u ppl shudnt take this personally! A guy with such an attitude wouldnt even be my last choice :)

A truly commercial post

After a point of time.. every blogger becomes this... a bit of masala... tags.. awards.. nowadays awards don mean a thing... every blogger has a million of them listed in each post.. almost losin its meaning... but yea these ppl have been gracious nuff to remember me while givng out this award and am happy :) i ve such nice blog friends...but m not passin this on.. for reasons more than obvious.. almost every blogger on my blogroll has got em!

Multimenon thinks am a lovely blogger...

In his words, the award goes to bloggers who make you really feel at home with their super duper and fantastically calm demeanour plus loads and loads of fun and frolic lighting up the blogosphere with their priceless posts-hugely positive people if I am to say..

thanks a lot multi but b4 my readers hit me with rotten tomatoes and stones, i need to confess that i totally don think so.. lovely is probably the last word that describes my blog ... but u being the lovely person that ur... u've given it to me generously... thank u for that :) and where does calm and postitive even apply to me in the first place :D

Anoobhooti has given me this award that she says is given to blogs that invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers!

Attention yes! i cant have enough of that ever (piscean!) and this is partly true since my blog does invest lota time on relationships and i always thought its something negative, but now Ive got an award n am happy for it... yes i am here to make friends and have a social life... happy to kno m good at it! :)

Now time for the tag (rem the song and dance sequences that has to follow the stunts in the movies? how can we miss em! its like that...)

Prasad tagged me (infact i seized it from him :P!!) i intentionally take up some tags to introspect more and most of all to fill up my blog space while m too hectic with work but still don want my readers to forget me... so this one's too damn easy! i jus need to do some coloring work..:P so i just happily took it up... so here i am highlighting things Ive done in life and not highlighting things m yet to explore! simple aint it?

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink- maybe wen i have a baby... oh well then i cant drink!

02. Swam with dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula - duh wat?

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone - dinner yes! bath?

08. Said “I love you” and meant it - all the time!

09. Hugged a tree - absolutely!

10. Bungee jumped - mayb never :D

11. Visited Paris - wud die to!

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise - stayed up sure, conscious not sure!

14. Seen the Northern Lights - i dono which side is north, but yea i ve seen lite on most sides...

15. Gone to a huge sports game - mayb i shud b doin this from now on :)

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa - too much i say!

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. Touched an iceberg - i ve touched an iceberg lettuce :P

19. Slept under the stars - used to lie down on the terrace often once upon a time...

20. Changed a baby’s diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne - y not! its jus how u drink it that matters :)

24. Given more than you can afford to charity - feels dumb but feels good

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment - sometimes i wonder if i just smelt laughing gas!

27. Had a food fight - come'on ur talking to a foodie :P i rem 12 of us jumping over a single piece of cake in school :D

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger - if making friends with strangers counts, m used to doing it all the time...!

30. Had a snowball fight - it wasn't as cool as i thought it wud be, it was freezing!

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can - ask my mom bout that ;)

32. Held a lamb

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster - NEVER!

35. Hit a home run

36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking - huh! isn't that like a must wen ur drunk?

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day - for months wen i had to do 'customer service' to some dumbericans who need some words to be pronounced rongly to be understood!

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment - I don believe i just highlighted that!

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states - y does everything have to be based on the US!

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk - me? that's the funniest thing i've heard in yrs.. but wait a min yea i have done that too once!... jus returned a favor to a friend who does it for me on a regular basis :) *blindy smiles*

42. Had amazing friends - for two whole years i regret letting go now :(

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country - was too committed to take up oppurtunities ;)

44. Watched whales

45. Stolen a sign - watever that means...i 've stolen too many things to rem :P

46. Backpacked in Europe - yea rite!

47. Taken a road-trip - Of course Many!!

48. Gone rock climbing

49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach - yes on the Atlantic!

50. Gone sky diving

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love - wow! that summarizes my life story

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them - all the time! wat else will a lone restaurant hopper do :(

54. Visited Japan

55. Milked a cow

56. Alphabetized your CDs - i do arrange them once in a while, counts?

57. Pretended to be a superhero - as said in 'The Incredibles', well everybody's unique!

58. Sung karaoke - at home with friends yes

59. Lounged around in bed all day - mostly wen m sick.. n thats mostly :D

60. Played touch football

61. Gone scuba diving - mayb in the andaman this time (hint hint!)

62. Kissed in the rain - i ve kissed the rain tho :)

63. Played in the mud - always wen i was a kid

64. Played in the rain - love it!

65. Gone to a drive-in theatre - yea in Georgia

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

67. Started a business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken- wat is love without heartbreaks

69. Toured ancient sites - i live in an ancient city and its surrounded by many!

70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

72. Gotten married - don think too hard! morally u kno :P

73. Been in a movie - yes .. no more questions asked

74. Crashed a party - hosts fear my entry :)

75. Gotten divorced

76. Gone without food for 5 days - Yes i crash dieted with nothing to eat for almost a month wen in college! Man wish i had the strong will to do that now!

77. Made cookies from scratch - YES with white chocolate and it was yummy!

78. Won first prize in a costume contest - guess wat i was? vegetable vendor :P

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo - Not 1 but 3 of them!

81. Rafted the Snake River

82. Been on a television news program as an “expert” - but m sure i will be one day soon!

83. Gotten flowers for no reason - got it once cos its a Wednesday from who else ;;)

84. Performed on stage - everybody does in school

85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music - yea on my comp by myself !

87. Eaten Shark

88. Kissed on the first date - how about the second?

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

91. Been in a combat zone

92. Buried one/both of your parents

93. Been on a cruise ship - a casino cruise that is!

94. Spoken more than one language fluently - English, Tamil and Tanglish!

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

96. Raised children

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

98. Passed out cold - in most parties!

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country - in another couplea months :D

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over - shifted countries to start afresh...

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

102. Sang loudly in the car - car or bike but i definitely do!

103. Had plastic surgery

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived - yes it still hurts my head after almost 8 yrs :O

105. Wrote articles for a large publication - used to write for Gokulam as a kid and yea even now i ve had my poetry published and stuff...

106. Lost over 100 pounds - duh! i only weigh around so much

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback

108. Piloted an airplane

109. Touched a stingray - excuse me?

110. Broken someone’s heart - YES and everytime i get my heart broken i mock at myself mercilessly saying 'what goes around comes around'

111. Helped an animal give birth

112. Won money on a TV game show

113. Broken a bone - Yea...both my head and tail to be precise :D

114. Gone on an African photo safari

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears - nose! but not anymore

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

118. Ridden a horse - think so wen i was a kid...

119. Had major surgery - appendicitis is major?

120. Had a snake as a pet

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period - lemme first learn to sleep 8 hrs!

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States - only US! :(

124. Visited all 7 continents

125. Taken a canoe trip

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

127. Eaten sushi - hate it

128. Had your picture in the newspaper - Yes, for partying at 10D!

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about - i wish!

130. Gone back to school

131. Parasailed

132. Touched a cockroach - eeeeeeeeeks no!

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes - hmm think so... somewhere... never mind...

134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school and read - yea merci ;)

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

137. Skipped all your school reunions - seriously i missed almost all my friends weddings... school and college...

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

139. Been elected to public office - was elected as SPL in a school i joined the previous week and left the very next day :) !

140. Written your own computer language- written my own language on the computer!

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream - yea wen i get to write for a major client or simply get some appreciation for my reviews :)

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care - i didn't put him exactly but ive seen him there almost half his life and more than half of my childhood...

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you - i consider sellin blogspace to someone unknown as equal to this.. but anyway all my freelance work are my art (of writing) sold to someone unknown rite!

145. Had a booth at a street fair - inside college tho

146. Dyed your hair - almost every color u can possibly think of!

147. Been a DJ

148. Shaved your head

149. Caused a car accident - Car? nope (saved!)

150. Saved someone’s life- i ve been underweight to donate blood..mayb i shud try now!

Uff! that took much longer than i thought...any of u wanna takeup the tag? pls feel free to seize it like i did! will c ya soon with more time on my hands and a proper post to read :)

Join the Celebration of Our Love...

What else could be my first post for this special year?

Here it is!

Would love to see my blogging buddies on D day! But for obvious reasons i cant put up the venue in here (esp after the kind of attention this post attracts! :P). So if you are in Chennai and genuinely interested in seeing me in that bridal wear and hog on some yummy wedding dinner, pls take this as my personal invitation and i shall send u the venue by email, but do send me a pic of urs with that email u send, so i don look blank wen i need to introduce u to Brat :D!

PS: Keepin this post short after learning a lesson from the previous...

PS-2: Now i know y i cudnt write poetry for almost a year, looks like i saved it all for my wedding invite! Comments welcome on that pls :)

Design courtesy Anand

Resolutions and Reflections

Guess whose bak?...errr... I mean who's bak! Feels nice to sit in office ... relax ... browse... chat and blog in peach once again! Seriously, there is no other heaven!

End of the year and i have loads to post, but i decided on doin this as my last one for the year! This blog that brought me bak to life everytime i decided to walk away and took all the bashings with no complains... deserves a lil promotion here, don ya think? Here's a small presentation on a list of posts that mean somethin to me, its a special year cos it went from a blogspot to have a domain name and will soon become a part of a site, it became what i wud proudly call 'popular' than 2007 with massive increase in readership all of a sudden in 2008... and of course the contents changed and the tone changed in this new birth... but the attitude remains :) and it always will!

Before i write bout my favourite posts... i decided to chek out my last years' new year post and resolutions... and here it is

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

Check out resolutions! man! have i followed any? u gota tell me that... but lemme see...

(resolutions cut paste from the last post is in bold and my reply to it now is in italics for ur reading convenience :))

I will believe in love once again.. will fall in LOVE once again with all faith and belief and make it the perfect relationship I was looking for

ahem.. YES.. i have made a impressive attempt at that and succeeded in believing again!

I will be a happy person; I will bring happiness to people around me. I wont get into my lonely dark world and cry out for love.

Frankly, i ve done my best on this but m sure i ve loads to improve! i stay strong, but get into swings and phases, tho not as strong or long as before and still do and need to get over it...

I will find my career in writing with confidence by writing positive, thinking creative and most of all have a good self image

You gota gimme a pat for that! I have turned this blog into somethin almost positive from a dark hole trap! and yes i am in advertising now which i never thought i will be wen i wrote that post... and 'burrp' is a heaven sent boon...!

I will take care of my health and body to feel good looking again... eat right... work out

i did i did ... but lost it somewhere in the end again ... but not giving up... doin it again!

listen to the one person who loves me unconditionally keep her happy by being happy and a good gal

NO, i didnt do that but i will take the resolution again this year, although its too late for me to prove it to her nemore :) i will try!

yes am trying to become a teetotaler (really really com’on!) and am sure I’ll achieve it soon

i kno some of my close friend who read this last year had a good lauf... what say now? No m not a teetoler... but not an impulsive abuser or a party animal nemore! i mean i don even rem the last time i got high :)

On a second thought, man! that sucks.. is this me? hey is there a new year around anytime for an excuse? :D

travel the world or atleast DREAM and plan for it and work for it

not really...i can still do it... never late.. i ve explored a lot more than i have in all the 25 years b4 this...i shud say burrp has changed my life a lot, it has inspired me and motivated like anything else.. i swear i realised it as i type this post, i ve never had responsibililty and i ve never known what my interest was ... something that made me proud of myself for the first time :)

now y did i reply that to that... watever

visit my kids often love them more find more kids and bring more happiness to myself!

NO i didnt do it.. i hate me.. i'm giving myself this year one last chance b4 i decide to hate myself for life

follow what life has taught me

I have followed this religiously this year, and giving out advices like a moral saint too!

YES! I will DREAM! I will LOVE! No force inside or outside me can stop it again and if it does m gonna throw it outa me or outa my life

YES i did dream i did love with all my heart and clearly neglected any force that even showed any signs of negativity wen i dreamt or loved... i didnt throw those outa my life but i have learnt to ignore and dream & love for my own happiness selfishly! if u kno wat i mean, else never mind!

I am sure I’ll be on my blog in 2009 Jan! Lets c if I keep up all this then I’ll b a better person definitely in love (probably married) :D with lotsa kids where ever I go.

and so here i am being the good gal that i promised to be, keepin my word and leavin to open consideration if i did follow my resolutions sincerely to you all, but yes i kno i am a better person than i was this day last year and i hope to be even better person, but the best wife, DIL and SIL at the first attempt itself hopefully :) So the probably-married part is changing to a will-be-married in this post!

The goth inside me has died for sure, although i miss her at times, i do feel its all for good, that was a time i wondered if its even possible to be happily happy and how much pleasureable can it be than being depressed! i partly believe in it now too, there is a pleasure in being depressed which once tasted is tuff to come out of, but no i don wanna hurt ppl around me nemore and m happy tht i ve started lovin happiness for a change or atleast m tryin to at most times! OK cuttin the non-sequencial train of my restless mind... lemme list my all time favourite posts here!

My first post

STAND BY ME - will always remain special to me cos its bout the closest thing to my heart, something which has such an effect, that ur opinion can make or break my relationship with u

Not man enuff for me - that was my first controversial post, i kept in my draft for days and finally wented out the frustration with the courage to post it, tho there were a lot more horrible ones that took over, but first always feels good!

No means maybe Yes .... - Speaks a lot bout me and my weaknesses

I don believe in 'Life After Death' - startin of a phase i went thro... i dread those dark days even to read on words now!

socially dead virtually alive - something to ponder!

Raindrops n Seashore .... - wen i fell in love...

Frozen chilli - one of my favourite dark poetry

za za zsu - i love crushes!

Quotable quotes by Sansmerci - :P

MAn! i feEl LikE a wOmaN !! - short and sweet post!

i cant write for nuts .. u FOoooooooools!! ... y d... - u really have to read this, takes just a second... trust me... duh! me and my mood swings..

Who broke my penance of death ??? - wen i hit rock bottom!

Flirtin death - truly from goth!

rEbOrN 2 lIvE tHiS dEatH aGaiN? - very short but not so sweet post!

Wanna know how long u gonna live? - this gets the highest hits on my blog! i dono y!

BUT in Chennai! - that brought loads of attention

Forgive me spiderman, for i think otherwise! - i simply like it for the title, i am a genius uh! ;)

Wise men say only fools rush in... - seriously nobody understood this one liner post, so i like it!

A letter to my 18-year-old self - i tagged myself and jus poured my heart out!

Torn apart..... - somethin i thought noone will understd, but i was surprised at the response!

i jus realised most of my favourites are from older posts, recent posts seem more commercial eh! and the epitome of it i shud say is this one....

Push up my bra like that, Porno Paparazzi girl... - needs a special mention cos ... its a post strongly sayin that its not just sex that sells and the post by itself proved it rong, it gets me readers and hits from every tiny town in some corner in the world every single day like noother post ever has for me, jus cos of the words used in the title, yea its the sex that sells this post more than anyother in my blog! A true oxymoron in itself!

And yes i wanna tell u my favourite comments too! wait wait... don run away... i kno m already yappin for too long... so instead m gonna pass on this award given to me by Reflections to my favourite commentators, her rules are simple

Display the Award in your page
Award them to your favourite commentators.
Ask them to forward it to their favourite commentators.
And dont forget to link their page to their names.

I wud like to thank all my readers but specially thank the commentators who take an effort to leave their opinion n motivate me and this award is for the extra special people who are here regularly makin me feel alive and important, so i kno i am not blabbering to myself here, i do have an audience for the crap i write ... So here we go, this is for u for puttin up with me :)

anoobhooti - Renu! am sure she knows this is comin to her first! i was unknown, unsettled, unorderly and almost felt unwanted in this blogosphere until i knew that she'll be among the first few to comment... n i try to watch my language too for her :) (ah can u believe i jus said that?)... and yea she is my lucky charm, somehow after she started makin visits, this place has become a picnic spot :) my circle of blog friends has increased invariably!

mysoor pak conversations - Edita... i dono this felt nice, she actually mentions my name in her blog and says i motivate her, seriously love the way u write comments like i mean a lot ... wen i wonder if i actually did mean anything at all!

The fat lady's rantings - Tess! came outa the blue, first person who caught me on orkut, made me feel like a celeb!! tho now i have most of my blogmates on FB or orkut ... felt good the first time... hurray! somebody actually read me and wanted to kno me personally, howzzat?

Reflections - i asked for this award and she jus happily handed it over to me, what other reason do i need? haha... frankly, a very good source of encourgement thro her regular comments!

Psychedelic - i shudve mentioned her first as always, but she been busy lately :P but m sure she's one of the very few committed visitors and commentators on my blog from day 1 i mean post 1!

Nautankey's Stage - i shud confess, i was actually thinkin its a 'she' wen i read his comments, then i knew its a 'he' wen i read his blog, i was surprised... no offence to guys... but its true, i can make out a male comment from a female comment... but seriously this was deceptive, but thts wat i like bout it!... my latest commentator but a loyal, genuine and unbiased one at that!

Multimenon - Ah how did u slip my mind! sorry multi, tho this comes late to him.. i kno hes totally worth it being a regular motivator at my blog here! and m sure he ll be there this year too! and yea thanks for writing EVERYTIME :) without fail...

VJ - i cant link vj cos he doesnt have a blog, so i had mention in the end, tho it hudve been on the top otherwise! Someone who has always been here and who i kno will always b! and no matter what s*** i write, it ll be a frank and honest opinion on it for sure.. so that i ll kno what to do next time! the blog wudnt have passed even the first yr without ur support :)

B - there's nothin like hearin from the other half, i jus love every bit of wat he has to say to me good or bad... who takes an extra effort to kno me better? i mean even better? and more better!

ahh.. that has come to become a longer post than i intended to make it into... but i still feel incomplete....did i forget something? ... hmmm...did i?....

oh yea Happy New Year! Have an awesomeeeeeeeeee 2009!

This will be a special year for me, i will be born again as a new person with a new family to take care of! i hope and wish it will be a special year for you too, in a way or the other for sure!

c ya all next yr.... muaaaaaaaah :)

Who says you cant go home?

As the humid salty and hot early morning wind blew swiftly across my hair and face wakin me up bak to reality... bak home... bak to life or lets say my life.. or even better wen i say my kinda life...i almost instantly started typin in my mind... this post... the one on Chennai and the feelings and emotions associated with it ... CUT! (i did try writing like a writer... didnt i?... no? ok forget it...lets continue b4 i lose sequence once again :D)

i kno i kno.. m a drama queen.. i jus been outa the place for a month or a lil more now and i already feel nostalgic wen i get bak there for a couplea days.. But man! home is home rite? i felt the same way after i returned there in '06 too.. a place ive never left for more than 2 days.. i left for a year and a half... everyone said i ll start to hate it once i leave it.. but i only fell in love with it more.. in its absence or my absence in it.. and comfort'll spoil u eh? whoever says home's not comfortable? is, according to me, an emotional orphan...

This time the problem was a different one! My train to Chennai is at 11 45 PM in Cauvery Express and i casually watch the news (which btw in itself is news!) and the headlines go like1. Tight security in airports and railway stations (rite after mumbai attacks!), many flights were cancelled, 2. the water level (esp in my area) in Chennai after cyclone 'Nisha' was still horrible and ppl were travelin by boat, and there was a cyclone threat the very next day wen i had booked my return ticket!, 3. the babar masjid thingie was on that day....ahm.. Dec 6th i guess? and so there was for threat in public places...no wonder! and 4. was the best..our very own cauvery issue and there was some problem being created in trains between no-points-for-guessing where? Bangalore and Chennai of course (Remember Cauvery Express?) ... When everyone said i need to cancel my tickets! There i stood... brave and patriotic :P WHO SAYS I CANT GO HOME? After all i was there so many years and ppl are scarin me from goin there for a day? i went, i suvived and am bak! with all ur blessings i must add :P

Ah! i never want religion or politics in my blog thts the main reason i never wrote bout even the cruel mumbai incident... but somehow it peeps in.. i truly hate these subjects partly due to irritation and partly due to my ignorance which u wud be knowing by now!

So now comin bak to Namma Chennai ... as soon as i got down in the chennai central station, wow! the smell of chennai, hated by many, i jus took a deep breath... m homeeeeeeeeee! and the notorious autoguys! how can someone even start writing a post on Chennai without a reference to them? As they approached me buggin like pests to give them a share of my non-existant fortune to drop me home... i usually bark bak releasing half of my frustration from the journey... but this time i gave a knowing smile.. that meant so much to me... things like oh-how-i-missed-this and gosh-this-never-changes...and a lot more! Yea i kno the auto guys must've thought m nuts or i din understand tamil or m another tourist to milk from! .. duh who cares? there's a flashback already reeling in my head...my eloquence in Chennai Tamil, my days of outsmarting the smart auto guys.. my rides to office... my fites with the auto stand group and my pride in marchin away from them ... (well u'll never kno the kidnap and rape scenes that run in my head wen m doin the forward march... hmm unless u do some sorta psychic reading or read this post now of course!)

...and wen the auto started and sped away 15 kms in 10 mins! the humid salty hot wind blowin against my hair...reminded me once again... this speed.. this rush.. i missed it.. everything seems slower wen m not in Chennai... life comes to a full stop or at times some dots like this... a very long one in that...even the autos are freakin slow leave alone missin my dear bikey ... sometimes i jus feel like gettin out and walkin along with the 'ricks' in bangalore! People say m too damn fast, i need a speed breaker... now i kno where i got it from.. its in the blood i c, its in the brought up! Who else brought me up u think? Other than the city that made me so strong, taught me to be shrewd and told me that am capable... and whatever and everything that is i am today... i can survive and adapt to any place with the lessons learnt from this place called Home... where my heart always is... and will be...

So i say with pride today... u can take the gal outa the city, but u can never EVER take the city outa the gal! WHAT SAY?

PS: Before you ask me or come to a decision about my 'titling' skills, why do i name mosta my posts after a song? One, cos it easily comes to my head, two, cos it gets a lota hits and brings in new readers from google...i kno wat ur thinkin...shameless! :P

Outta the Blue...

Beep Beep

Busy?

Beep Beep

What will a single woman be busy with at this time in the nite?

Beep Beep

(Absolutely outa the blue) Do you think Indian women are less Virile?

Beep Beep

Duh wat? (bad vocab for a copywriter i kno i kno :))

Beep Beep

... are they less horny?

Beep Beep

whatever makes you think so?

Beep Beep

It's just a general opinion

Beep Beep

I dont think so and its too huge an issue to be generalised so easily!

Beep Beep

I am not generalising but it jus seems so

Beep Beep

i think talkin bout sex esp by women has been considered a taboo in Indian society and that makes women shut up when they feel horny but that doesnt make them any less hornier than ur and i don think its the case anymore.. infact women are becomin too open about their sexuality these days much beyond men do..don u watch movies.. y r u thinkin so conservative.. wat makes u think so.. i think ur judgin on the basis of someone u kno? Do you think its good that they are less horny or do u have a prob with it? and what is rong if they are.. its not that they are.. but i strongly feel that u need to wake up to the present... times have changed and u have to agree... Ding! SMS limit reached

Trin Trin Trin

Me: Hello?

snakecharmer: Wow u actually picked up a call? Are you ok? why do u get so tensed for this?

Me: i am not a 'fone' person u kno...fone calls make me feel weird! i can yap away in person ...or am better on sms or even better online! i've already started bloggin bout this in my head!

snakecharmer: Man i wudnt write such a thing in my blog...

Me: There u go... so ur less hornier than i thought eh!

snakecharmer: Cme'on Sans... my parents'll read my blog.. my cousins will.. my bro will!

Me: So what.. so does my mother.. so will my MIL soon! What else is bloggin there for.. and how do to expect ppl to be interested in ur blog otherwise?

snakecharmer: hmm...why dont you write on how not to flirt with women? i'm sure u've met numerous guys who've hit on u having absolutely no idea how to do it!

Me: i cant write on a given topic! i suck at it!

snakecharmer: Trust me Sans .. u'll write very well on it and it'll be an instant hit!

Me: silent

snakecharmer: How about this? "How to give men sleepless nights" atleast dont say u dont know how to do that!!!!

Me: yea rite!

snakecharmer: Trust me, it will make an interesting piece for ur readers... i've tasted both beauty and wine and wud say without a doubt that beauty is more intoxicating than wine...

Me: silent

snakecharmer: Man! what does a man have to do to prove himself in these situations...

Me: silent

snakecharmer: (giving up) Hmm ok I think u shud jus stick to wat u do best?

Me: and that is ...?

snakecharmer: FLIRT!

Bang!

Beep Beep

Ok now tell me ... Wassup????

What am tryin to say? well first and foremost.. i ve forgotten how to write a post! been busy.. yea u read it rite .. for a change i was busy with work.. and squeezin in time to read other blogs now and then ... and yea i've been thinkin wat to blog on but hell cudnt get anything at all.. i need a lota inspiration i see. the more happier my life's gettin the worst my words are gettin ... now i dono if i shud hope for a better life or for better words? it is a tuff decision i tell u .. knowin how much my words mean my life to me!

Anyways the above conversation raised a lot of 'whys' in my head which i thought i ll put down here since i have nothin else to write about and i dont want this blog to be forgotten until my brain resumes bak to actually writing something read-worthy, if it ever does...

So here it goes:

Why are women who speak bout their sexuality casually considered an outcast? or are they even considered so anymore?

Why is that a man who is not horny nuff incapable but a woman who is too horny a whore?

Why is SMSing/chattin and blogggin more comfortable to express views and opinions? Or is it just me?

Why do women never believe men and men always wanna prove themselves?

Why is beauty considered more intoxicating than wine? or is it not?

Why do people generalize so much? Is it impossible to not judge? i mean i am already generalising here!

Why are grown-ups scared to let out their opinion in public? Who are we hiding those public secrets from?

Why do conversations between the opposite genders always involve something that is considered not-so-appropriate to be considered interesting?

Why am i not good at anything else but flirting?

Why the hell do i care?

PS: I am having a painfully severe block, can u suggest something i am good at writing so i can refresh my blog from the next post making it read-worthy? or mayb u suggest i take this as a sign and shut down this blog for good and give you some peace eh?

Tagged with a difference!

Singaporean Indian tagged me but since i ve already done the tag, he has graciously let me flick one of his old tags that i liked a lot :) So here it goes... trust me .. u ll enjoy this more since there less blah blah of mine in this one for a change :D

The rules are simple:
Answer the questions below and do a Google image search on your answer, pick a picture from the results on the first page, with minimal explanation (alrite i get ya.. no BSing around!)

1.) The age you will be in your next birthday: 26

Yea Rite!

2.) A place you’d like to travel to: London

Beautiful!

3.) Your Favorite place: Home

Cute eh? :D

4.) Your favorite food/drink: Eggs/Iced Tea


HAHA!


Awwwwwwww!

5.) Your Favorite pet : babies are considered pets? i prefer human to animals!

Naaaa.. Not really :P

6.) Your favorite color combination: Blue and white!

Duh! wat?

7.) Your favorite piece of clothing: Shorts and tee

Ok now i didnt do this to get more traffic.... damn i shudve said swimsuits ;)

8.) Your all time favorite song: Krptonite by 3 doors down

Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha... roflmao!

9.) Your favorite TV show: Seinfeld Of Course!

Gosh i din kno which pic to select in this one.. all were so funny.. was actually tempted to see the second page and cheat... but swear i didnt.. anyways settled for this one... oh sorry.. i am supposed to keep it short :)

10.) Full name of your significant other: Hmm lets call him Brat :)

uh! that actually reminds me of my bro.. how true of big bros eh?

11.) The town in which you live in : Chennai, and now Bangalore.. so which one?

That explains the traffic!

so u kno wats what :)

12.) Your screen name/nickname: You kno it!

Holy crap... who dat??? :)

13.) Your First job: Frost & Sullivan

Why? Why???????????

14.) Your Dream job: M living my dream job - an ad copywriter

:P

15.) Bad Habit you have: Shout at mom

How true :D

16.) Your worst fear: Being unloved

Now who drew my mind and posted it on google images?

17.) The one thing you’ll like to do before you die: Build an orphanage

same to u man...now wait ...is that a good sign?

18.) The first thing you’ll buy if you get $1,000,000: Two tickets for a trip around the world...

OK! THANKS!

ahh its over! ok now wat?

PS: tagging - anoobhooti , Reflections, The fat lady's rantings, mysoor pak conversations, Inexplicably, The Multi Menon Chronicle, Obscurity Speaks , The Praveen , Psychedelic, It Belongs To Man To Err!!! , Frankly Speaking and the very new entry Ma Silly Blog!

Back BUT from BANGalore!

Hello pplzzzzzzzzzz

i c u missin me bad eh ... i ve been missin internet n blogsphere bad too!... reason: 1. the rain, 2. the diwali, 3. the bangalore and 4. the wedding :)

Firstly, the rain... will u believe me if i told u it took me 4hrs and 15 mins to reach less than 15 kms (from nungambakkam to velachery)? well if u don here is a photo story i did on the same... chek it out!

http://picasaweb.google.com/sansmerci/TheJourney#

Check it out n tell me how it is?

i, for a change din curse my bike, my fate and the ppl around but sat in an autorickshaw, took pics and had fun in the flood! seriously... the anti-anxiety pills r workin eh ???... ofcourse it does at least on my appetite!... hope i don gain bak all the kgs i lost ... i jus started lookin mlike myself again after all the med stoped..uff again..atleast not for the next few months until .. until i am no more single and (may or maynot be) available ......oh yes! thats the big news i wanted to share in the last but one post... and thats the point number 4 in there 'the wedding' is on feb 22nd '09 :) and m already on my toes running around for it since point number 3 happened i.e., i had to rush to bangalore.. where i am rite now n will b for some time i guess... the point 2 is understood i guess.. but this time diwali was special and so much fun after say 10 yrs? i was a kid again and hope to b ever after from now on :)

I hope m not a runaway bride since m sinkin knee-deep in cold feet... that shud b called a cold leg i guess..i jus dono wat the future holds.. as of now m excited bout the weddin than the marriage.. if u kno wat i mean..n if at all i have to b married after the wedding.. for that sake.. i can compromise ;)...but on a serious note (if it sounds so)... i really am lookin for a miracle... to either change my mindset or my life.. as of now the docs taken over again... no m not bak to help to my kryptonite.. i guess i ve grown up for good...

With that note i wud like to finish two of my leftover tags... sorry ppl for this late compliance.. but u shudve known sooner or later i will do it.. the love i ve for tags and talkin bout myself...

Psychedelic tagged me to write 4 random things about myself.. boo.. i write so many random things bout myself all the time that half of u cnt make sense of.. anyways since she asked for it and i don like disappointing friends :P.. here it goes...

random 1: i talk too much to many people and too little to some people.. i dono y.. but wen i talk its jus random with no sequence of thought or logic.. i jus don think .. one topic to another i jus have to spill it all out else i ll feel so heavy and incomplete and kinda disoriented.. i dono .. i really dono y!

random 2: i have a very low self esteem but very high self confidence...don ask me how.. am askin myself too!

random 3: i am very very i mean really clumsy.. i cant behave.. m worse than a kid.. i cant eat without spillin my food.. i cant walk without tripping.. shit m a slapstick freakin clown..m not comfy in anything but casuals ...so not elegant to be called a gal... and can easily be befriended and also laufed at by any kid below 5..

random 4: i cant write wen under pressure, i jus cant ... and if m forced to i get tears and i hate myself for being a bad writer that i start thinkin of other career options... but wen nobody bothers me the words jus flow outa my bloody head for no reason.. n i jus bug ppl to read it ... n i jus get so proud of myself and my life...

Now Anoobhooti tagged me to write 5 of my addictions, now thats simple and even u cud answer it if u jus hit 5 random posts of mine int he last 2 yrs... anyways....

Addiction 1: OFCOURSE the internet, i live on it, eat and sleep internet.. wen i don have access, i feel like my life line is cut and i mite die any minute.. yes i can live without oxygen but not the net.. i have no real friends.. n all my used-to-be real friends if any i ever had are in touch only thro it.. no internet.. no merci.. no swarna...

Addiction 2: Love and pampering.. i cant be without being loved and pampered ..the min i feel m not loved i start questionin my existence and decide otherwise.. dangerous and emotional addiction.. but beyond my control..mayb thats y i jus cant stay single even for a day ...

Addiction 3: substances yes! but no! i mean its like on andoff wen m really emotionally down .. i jus need somethin to get me either high or low... i cant deny it... n i wont.. but i ve absolutely got over it... alcohol is not my thing tho.. it used to b.. wen i m happy or sad to celebrate or to drown myself in it...but my kryptonite viz. my happy pills have and will always be my weakness.. the min u hurt me its the first thing on my mind for help.. i shud say i ve got over it partially... n ofcourse the heavenly cancer-stiks used to be my first love... which is nomore too (like anyother love of mine)... but then u ll never forget ur first love rite?... these were my addictions .. so at present i jus live in past glory :) if thats an addiction.. but substance addiction in someway or other.. say atleast on binging food will always remain with me..

Addiction 4: Comin to simpler things... lets say shopping is an addiction.. abusin my cc is my pastime... kids and playin with em is an addiction..i jus cant leave any kid and go home. .. m greedy n i want them all... giving is an addiction.. i keep buyin ppl something.. i keep doin something for someone no matter wat... or how they treat me ... i keep tryin to impress ppl.. satisfy everyone... its a very bad addiction and i ll never get over it... i fall in love and get crushes so easily ... guys are an addiction.. more than that gals are an addiction.. there are so many times i wish i was a guy ... they r jus fabulous n so not mine.. but yea i keep tryin additively to befriend them... food is a big time addiction.. i kno i eat very poor but i jus need to keep tastin variety and this obssession is insatiable too.. but yea it paid off in the form of burrp and blogs tho...

Addiction 5: Doin em tags are an addiction in itself ... yea u got me...i just cant think nemore...

alwrite i ll shut up ... so now u kno ....next time u tag me u ll think twice eh :)

My sansmerci.in domain is expiring in a month, since m gonna b mrs. brat in feb... i'm really confused bout my identity just like i ve no clue bout my own personality.. shud i stay the same or shud be what i shud b .. but then wat is it that i shud b?... i ve a poll on the rite side... choose what u think i shud choose plz :) so my id and my address will change (or not change) from 2009 according to your wish....

shuttin up until next time ......

Torn apart.....

Here's another short post that follows the very long one....

I need help choosin between two options again, its a life decision and i hope u'all can help..before i put forward THE Question! lemme add a lil more gyan on the topic so it doesnt become incomprehensible like last time...

But to express... i've lost the flair to write poetry... i thought its cos my dark days are over... and i cant write for nuts wen m happy or sober... not that i ve been really happy.. but yes i ve been too sober... but hey think m getting bak there.. so for starters lets let papa roach and linkin park sing for me ....

The current tracks playing on the playlist o' ma head is...

I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
i Don't know what you are expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware,
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

and....

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand....

when papa roach wrote this song,they wudnt have even imagined that its so for me and it will have the honor to appear on my blog... :)

Now help me ...

Tell me whats more painful ....

A bad liver?

or

A broken heart?

For ppl who cant form ur words (jus like i cant)... i've got a poll on the side, choose the option that you would rather stay with..

PS: Sorry this was supposed to be a short post rite? ... duh! i've become so eloquent :P

A letter to my 18-year-old self

I almost forgot how it feels to write a post. I have been so much bloghopping these days (and takin care of my second baby cruly ignoring the first) that i almost din realise that its been long since i posted here.. while my lil baby here was carryin the promotion for my foodie blog with no complains :) this post has been long pending.. by which i mean really long wen i read this post 'a letter to my 18-year old self' in Ritu's blog, searched for blogs with that post and read many bloggers who have done a lot of introspection by doin this little exercise.. seriously i wanted that relief in myself i decided to tag myself on it.. but never had the time to post that...

So here it goes... (a blush jus creeped into my face... gosh wat am i turnin into :O.. ive actually lost my sense of i-don-give-a-damn writing.. ok now thats another post by itself on how subconsciously writers start writing FOR their readers.. even if they rebel not to...oh oh lost track! .... )

Dear Swarna

First of all, who the F*** do u think ur? sorry for sucha rude start, i kno am elder to u and i need to teach u how to speak with respect, hell no.. this is how ur language will grow.. as u get older.. the more life frustrates u the more fs in ur language increase invariably... but seriously who do u think ur? earth to girly! Come down to the 'real world' whre u ll be welcomed with a lot or stones and rotten eggs soon... You aint no beauty queen.. you aint no conquerer of the world.. u not gonna rule any kingdoms.. u not gonna have princes fallin outa horses to their knees to woo u...

I am sure u have learnt quite a lot in last 2 years, havent u? Rem this, Life aint one big honeymoon, dont keep fallin for romantic losers who lose their romance faster than their head.. n this attention u get.. wont last forever..u mite think guys are at ur disposal today, u will die for a word or touch of love in future.. well stop searchin for true love.. accept love wen shown to u.. too much searchin will end up in total waste of time and ur life.. in the end no use regreting hurting and losin someone who u think is the one... wen u actually grow up and realise who ur and what u need...it mite b too late to have that someone u missed! well no m not even tlkin bout the person ur callin ur bf now.. yea u ll give ur life for him today and go against the world for him .. tomo he ll mean nothin to u .. as much u wont recognise him when u see him on the same street as urs... trust me but life goes on... and if not virtually single.. u will find lonliness and the feelin of being unloved ur company for life ... get used to it .. well u wont even kno wat i mean now.. hmm i think i wud jus say enjoy the love and attention that u get an overdose of to the jealousy of others.. u ll soon b a loser for life...

n hey don worry about studyin in a school for a college .. u ll soon enjoy the best college days of anyones life ...u will actually have real 'friends' in life!.. how does it feel to be at the peak of a hill and the hit the valley.. yes get ready for the best 2 yrs of ur life and then hit rock bottom.. i wish u don make the rong decisions u do.. but then eveything happens for good and i can only say don lose hope and never HATE anyone no mtter wat... n if u hurt someone ... don regret too late..wat goes around comes around .. n b ready for it.. u f***in deserve it.. well life's not a big honeymoon honey m tellin u yet again..there r no fairy tales or happy endings.. not everyone understds ur language of love.. do not overrate it...do not overlong for it... stop trusting ur mom on unconditional love .. its not true.. u don get it.. u cant give it without being taken for granted and fooled.. somehow it works only with moms..

Learn to sleep! whatever trbl u mite face.. b independant.. u gonna have a lota trbl due to not learning these two things .. emotional dependancy is not something to b proud of.. jus cos ur not financially dependant... dependancy is a syndrome.. (on substance or people) ..a disease u ll b treated for.. and yea dreams....if u think thts wat makes ur life go on.. then stop living rite away cos not all dreams come true (infact u ll come to a stage u ll forget how it feels to dream).. STOP DREAMING! GET REAL! No u will not have that dream house by the beach ur dreamin of, but u wont even have a house of ur own.. oh well first of all u shud have a life of ur own..hehe.. u dono wat the opposite of freedom is today.. u ve been brght up oh-so-broadminded and free of any restrictions.. wonderin how it ll b if u don have the basic freedom to live life the way u want to? oh man! and get ready for some dark days.. accidents.. a lot of heart breaks..and i mean a lot of! No u have no idea wat that means now.. well u ll have ur share of everything...in the end it is fun m tellin u.. how many times do u think u ll flirt with death? take a guess? m i scarin u too much? ... duh! i think u shud b happy that ur life ll b a lot eventful than ur plannin it to b...

Do not take what u learnt from ur relationship to the next.. its not the same always.. Don lose ur friends u can never ever get em bak.. don break relationships easily it can never ever patch bak like it used to be.. gettin it bak is like stickin a glass together.. if u kno wat i mean.. Stop over reacting to things.. stop havin opinons there'll b a time they wont count nemore..and if u don have the strength to stand for wat u rebel against,.,.. freakin shut up.. don keep cribbing bout it.. n hey u WILL lose all ur energy to rebel against anything in life.. trust me U WILL SUCCUMB.. u'll be jus another gal compriomising her values for normal life (which as far as i kno u've not had until 2008, yes u will believe to have it in future) .. u ll b JUST ANOTHER PERSON.. nothin special..nothin unique.. jus anther hypocrite living in the face of earth..awww! whats that look on ur face.. kinda familiar to me..hmm... do u feel like hittin me with a brick? hate me? face it! I am YOU in a few years from now on :)..

Since u beg me i tell u some good things i can think of.. hmm .. hmm.. i think ur overrating love and the goodness of giving love unconditionally will pay off someday .. don give it up .. m sure u wont even if ur beaten out to hell.. being the loser tht ur... well somewhere down my heart.. i believe in it sweetheart .. oh oh.. lets delete these lines... oh yea one more good thing of ur unrestrained galivanting around the city n eating in every nook and corner will pay off.... wonderin how? anythin done with passion gives good results trust me n love ur city that u hate now.. u gonna do it by default soon and the city will love u bak nuff for it.. n u wont believe this if i tell u .. but after all the shit u ve been thro and lost hope on ur career and talent (there'll be a point wen u think mayb ppl r rite.. if ur a good student.. u need to be a doc or engineer.. haha!) .. U WILL BECOME A WRITER! ok fine dont believe me :P dumb gal...!!!! (do i see a smile? :P)

But hey since i do love u as a child i would like to give some advice to ...i ll tell u one secret u need to kno to hold on to ur life strongly..which u will lauf at me now for.... u mite hate ur bro .. u mite think ur moms a nobody.. but if u will have something to live for in future... it will be.. YOUR FAMILY.. nothin else is urs.... u ll kno it pretty soon...

PS: Get over ur dad.. that could be the first step u can do to fix ur life.. u will never be able to fill his space and thats the freakin truth ..

Your's truly
Sansmerci (No u dint change ur name in the Gazette, its jus an evolved form of ur f***ed up head)

Alrite! Uff! Does it feel gr8 to get bak to my kinda writing? Yes it does.. rem those days wen i jus write the flow of my head without thinkin who's readin and what ll they think..but now that i ve a diff circle of blog friends.. acutally everyone from every age and class and attitude.. i dono what me and my blogs becomin.. i cud write more freely wen i wasnt judged...well this time i realised i shud b myself and this one place i got where i can use as a friend wen m down and happy... Oh! thinkin of happy.. Yes i do have somethin to share wth everyone ... but hey not in this ugly post .. lets save it for the next one!

Disclaimer: This post was not meant to hurt anyone or blame anyone for my life.. its purely a letter to myself about the many mistakes 'I' and only 'I' have committed in life and the lessons learnt thro these yrs thro many events and many ppl and many phases ..

Now for ppl who want to introspect.. i wud so love to read what each of u have to say to ur 18-year old self.. do u dare to take it up?