C'mon Baby Light My Fire!

Dont be shocked that m posting a blog...n m posting it with my left hand...don mind the typos n spellos (as always)!

When u reach depths, u don ve a choice but the way back up. That’s how I ve started writing again. I thought in fact decided for good that its over my flair to write or my passion for it, its reached saturation, its torn into bits… networking sites with status’ msgs, a let out of thoghts as soon as they start to accumulate, no more do we wrte letters ,. no more do I blog…email killed the letters, IM killed email..FB killed IM.. n yea lately I c buzz is killin FB too…too many thoughts..too many outlets.. its all getting a bit too much to put out a blog post.. no time to write my own diary to say in human terms…no more introspection..nothin can live without passion or depth.. my writing has lost it too.. as with my passion for life and living it…

When life gets mundane..no offence to marriage but as u get older and more settled.. there is no more ‘hunting’. I think as raw human wen we don hunt we don survive..wen theres nothing to seek nothing to look fwd to.. u die internally.. yea I got my desired partner and most desired job.. everything I ever wanted..and then the question arising is as simple as a complicated ‘ok now what???!!!’ no its not the deal and compromises tht come with the decisions I ve made tht scare me infact they make life worth fiting and living for.. after all m not someone who needs an eventless life.. always had an extra eventful life and love it wen I look bak at it.. I don like it smooth..infact i hate mediocrity in any form.. including an average life turns me off.. yes I do long for it ironically many times.. but its life and I ve learnt to take it as it comes..but when everything gets monotonous.. the passion is lost..the light is burning…but there aint no fire…m lost.. empty…unused…

To put it in my foodie terms, I wud equate it to eating the same breakfast everyday.. I wud rather b dead n gone instead.. I am not implying tht variety is the spice of life.. oh on second thghts yes I am but there is a possibility fr variety within means..well lets say u ve decided to eat egg for breakfast all ur life.. ur not gonna break ur promise but learn to eat it in a million ways and explore as well as discover a zillion ways to make it better everyday… now u know wat I mean…lota writers who don’t get a chance or din take a chance to b one professionally due to social and financial reasons envy me.. well.. wat ve I become in the end.. someone who is so absorbed by the monotony of a work that actually, in quite a literal sense, can have a lot more flavor and juice to it but I ve become a dry nut cracking slowly into an empty shell…

Love and hate are the same damn emotions, its jus how u perceive it in ur positive or negative mood..so u can only hate something as much as u love it…the strength of the emotions are usually equal...depends on ur attachment to the subject.. if I can love u this much.. I can hate as much easily...well so I decided I don give a damn if m seeing the glass as half full or half empty, m going bottoms up baby and that’s all I care!

Pushing myself to the edge.. I write … I don’t ve a choice and I will….wen every part of me feels injured physically and mentally.. I feel useless n wasted..like I belong in the trash…m makin my own recipe for a pill..yea the same old I knew..giving it another chance…no matter if I feel disabled nuff to even type… writing…m gonna be writing…left or rite or even with my legs… m gonna be writing…

U know ur a true Chennaite when u…

10. Can comfortably eat Idli at Sheraton and at a Thattu Kada outside it, with absolutely no fuss in both the places…

9. Know which 'auto-karan' to make friends with and which one to start a fite with and feel equally proud and happy about both the incidents.

8. Truly hate Hindi by blood.. tho the Tamil you speak is a dirty mix of words from English, Hindi/Urdu, Telugu and what not, only too twisted and tangled to recognize…

7. Cannot drive without swearing and cannot drive properly without such motivation from others either.

6. Rush to Bangalore every Friday night and try hard to book the Sunday nite (impossibly) unavailable train tickets back home...

5. Cannot make a funny statement without mocking Vivek or Vadivelu in modulation, no we do not say ‘Mind it!’ anymore… in fact, we never did!

4. Pay day at Pasha and Broke day at Bessie

3. Proud of A R Rahman as though he’s your cousin brother…

2. Can have filter coffee and Old Monk, one after the other….. in any order…

1. Claim to work in a sweatshop and stay 90 percent of ur time on Orkut, Facebook and of course Blogger!

The last one's a contribution from Brat....m sure i ve left out a lot... pls add to the list (dont gimme stereotypical media-projected nonsense tho)...dayaaaam... i am so jobless!!

I do remember you my first love!

Ahem...havent taken such a long break ever from the day this blog was started.. yes i have no excuses to make, i was absolutely jobless... rather i din have a job per se (i was still working trust me) and had all the time for my new za za zsu my recipe blog (wata b**** m still tryin to promote it) ... so no excuses i kno.. i have been a bad gal..i have lost almost all of u in this process.. but i pretty much needed this break from my personal blog..since a lota changes ve happened in my life and this place needed yet another new avatar.. if not a complete make over but atleast a pause and a start (ah! i found something to explain) ... watever said n done m jus hopin this time around it gets a new face an recognition like it did last yr after a small make over in its looks and tone and character too...

So i dono what to post on ... m sure u have guessed it by now.. but i have been postponin posting just due to this reason and i had to confront it by typing everything that comes to my head... thats how they say writer's clear their block usually... but if i write down everything on my head now .. trust me u don wnana read or come bak here once again . So i ve decided to take up this tag .. looooooooooong pending one tagged by i dono who all .. m guessing Renu, Nancy and Neetu and someone else too m tryin to remember...anyway this is to list out 25 random things bout me and m gonna do it rite away without yappin further....

1. Random things about me change from time to time. so wat i say now may or may not hold good in the past or future.. even in the recent past or the immediate future.. virtually this is a useless document we are preparing then ..

2. I think one word to describe bout me will be 'dependant', yea i can get dependant on anything from a person to a place to a substance to a food.. i am a parasite ... and a very loving one at that ..so there is always an addictive quotient in me .. both ways... easily addicted and very much addictive once you kno me ...

3. i can talk talk and talk for hours and you can kno my life history in a few hrs of conversation with me.. i cannot keep a secret even if it means to degrade my life into something very cheap i will still let the world know what it is.. uh i hate myself!

4. i am a set of extremes.. ritely called the undefined oxymoron formerly... i am an all or nothing person .. m either too happy, elated and jumping or down depressed and completely hate my life ...too busy or too lazy...too high or too low.. too amitious or completely laid back.. too level headed or too emotional... i can love u unconditionally or hate you with ultimate venom ... i can be an angel or a demon basically... but never in between

5. Okay enough of negative things bout me .. lemme c if something good there bout me.. i like helpin people.. does that count as positive? sometimes no... i jus cant say no and i go outa the way to be there for people .. and after being walked all over by others selisfhness i sit n cry in self pity .. but then again .. i like it that way u c!

6. damn i cnt even writ 5 things bout me .. i used to write pages... ok lemme make this snippets... hmm i love writing .. i can write thro out the day and still dream bout it like its a distant vision to achieve someday ... i write for my work.. i work for entertainment.. i write for time pass.. writing is my profession and my hobby and m still not gettin nuff of it!

7. i love kids.. anything esle in the world comes secondary to them...unquestionably

8. i am a sucker for love. period.

9. big time foodie.. doesnt need a mention

10. if u leave me alone.. i ll do crazy things to make sure i don need to stay tht way.. even if it means to destroy myself to get a release .. now thts something that surprising me too

11. i often feel lifes too long to live .. m sure not many feel that way...m too lazy to live thro all those yrs ahead of me

12. nostalgia kills me .. to an extent u won believe.. i can think of a place i lived for 2 days and die for it hatin where i am now ... and it continues ...

13. i ve learnt that life is a vicious cycle ,,, watever goes around comes around and keeps going and comin around .. even if u make serious atempts to put a full stop somewhere...

14. i crave for attention and appreciation.. wen i don get it i cnt survive... i begin to think m not worth living ... losin self esteem is the worst of me... i need to be motivated always (hint hint)

15. oh m already startin to feel i ve lost my readers and noone is gonna even read this shit y am i writing this now!... there u go.. told ya ...

Nah .. i just cant think of 10 more things bout me now ... and m sure u wud understd.. i ve said more than i need to in the 15 already! :) and m hopin to write something good.. in my next post!

I wish...

i wish the tv was a woman
and loved him back as much...
yes! i love him enough to wish for that
no! i don love him enough to wish i was her...

i jus want to feel jealous without feelin stupid!

My husband is a....

ahh.. well.. err... nothin... hmm now that ur here, lemme tell u, actually this post is here cos:

1. I just love saying 'My husband', what's better than having a post with that title in my blog.
2. I write a mandatory short post after the boring long one.
3. I am so bored, jobless, uninspired, unmotivated, feelin useless, good-for-nothing, pesty, etc. etc., but din wanna write a whiny-whiny post either.
4. I have nothing else to write on (unless u realise i've made good use of point 3 :P) but i don want to leave a long period of silence in here once again.
5. I just assumed that the mystery element in the title will bring in readers :D...............or not...!!!!!!!

A truly commercial post

After a point of time.. every blogger becomes this... a bit of masala... tags.. awards.. nowadays awards don mean a thing... every blogger has a million of them listed in each post.. almost losin its meaning... but yea these ppl have been gracious nuff to remember me while givng out this award and am happy :) i ve such nice blog friends...but m not passin this on.. for reasons more than obvious.. almost every blogger on my blogroll has got em!

Multimenon thinks am a lovely blogger...

In his words, the award goes to bloggers who make you really feel at home with their super duper and fantastically calm demeanour plus loads and loads of fun and frolic lighting up the blogosphere with their priceless posts-hugely positive people if I am to say..

thanks a lot multi but b4 my readers hit me with rotten tomatoes and stones, i need to confess that i totally don think so.. lovely is probably the last word that describes my blog ... but u being the lovely person that ur... u've given it to me generously... thank u for that :) and where does calm and postitive even apply to me in the first place :D

Anoobhooti has given me this award that she says is given to blogs that invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers!

Attention yes! i cant have enough of that ever (piscean!) and this is partly true since my blog does invest lota time on relationships and i always thought its something negative, but now Ive got an award n am happy for it... yes i am here to make friends and have a social life... happy to kno m good at it! :)

Now time for the tag (rem the song and dance sequences that has to follow the stunts in the movies? how can we miss em! its like that...)

Prasad tagged me (infact i seized it from him :P!!) i intentionally take up some tags to introspect more and most of all to fill up my blog space while m too hectic with work but still don want my readers to forget me... so this one's too damn easy! i jus need to do some coloring work..:P so i just happily took it up... so here i am highlighting things Ive done in life and not highlighting things m yet to explore! simple aint it?

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink- maybe wen i have a baby... oh well then i cant drink!

02. Swam with dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula - duh wat?

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone - dinner yes! bath?

08. Said “I love you” and meant it - all the time!

09. Hugged a tree - absolutely!

10. Bungee jumped - mayb never :D

11. Visited Paris - wud die to!

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise - stayed up sure, conscious not sure!

14. Seen the Northern Lights - i dono which side is north, but yea i ve seen lite on most sides...

15. Gone to a huge sports game - mayb i shud b doin this from now on :)

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa - too much i say!

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. Touched an iceberg - i ve touched an iceberg lettuce :P

19. Slept under the stars - used to lie down on the terrace often once upon a time...

20. Changed a baby’s diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne - y not! its jus how u drink it that matters :)

24. Given more than you can afford to charity - feels dumb but feels good

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment - sometimes i wonder if i just smelt laughing gas!

27. Had a food fight - come'on ur talking to a foodie :P i rem 12 of us jumping over a single piece of cake in school :D

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger - if making friends with strangers counts, m used to doing it all the time...!

30. Had a snowball fight - it wasn't as cool as i thought it wud be, it was freezing!

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can - ask my mom bout that ;)

32. Held a lamb

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster - NEVER!

35. Hit a home run

36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking - huh! isn't that like a must wen ur drunk?

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day - for months wen i had to do 'customer service' to some dumbericans who need some words to be pronounced rongly to be understood!

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment - I don believe i just highlighted that!

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states - y does everything have to be based on the US!

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk - me? that's the funniest thing i've heard in yrs.. but wait a min yea i have done that too once!... jus returned a favor to a friend who does it for me on a regular basis :) *blindy smiles*

42. Had amazing friends - for two whole years i regret letting go now :(

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country - was too committed to take up oppurtunities ;)

44. Watched whales

45. Stolen a sign - watever that means...i 've stolen too many things to rem :P

46. Backpacked in Europe - yea rite!

47. Taken a road-trip - Of course Many!!

48. Gone rock climbing

49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach - yes on the Atlantic!

50. Gone sky diving

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love - wow! that summarizes my life story

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them - all the time! wat else will a lone restaurant hopper do :(

54. Visited Japan

55. Milked a cow

56. Alphabetized your CDs - i do arrange them once in a while, counts?

57. Pretended to be a superhero - as said in 'The Incredibles', well everybody's unique!

58. Sung karaoke - at home with friends yes

59. Lounged around in bed all day - mostly wen m sick.. n thats mostly :D

60. Played touch football

61. Gone scuba diving - mayb in the andaman this time (hint hint!)

62. Kissed in the rain - i ve kissed the rain tho :)

63. Played in the mud - always wen i was a kid

64. Played in the rain - love it!

65. Gone to a drive-in theatre - yea in Georgia

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

67. Started a business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken- wat is love without heartbreaks

69. Toured ancient sites - i live in an ancient city and its surrounded by many!

70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

72. Gotten married - don think too hard! morally u kno :P

73. Been in a movie - yes .. no more questions asked

74. Crashed a party - hosts fear my entry :)

75. Gotten divorced

76. Gone without food for 5 days - Yes i crash dieted with nothing to eat for almost a month wen in college! Man wish i had the strong will to do that now!

77. Made cookies from scratch - YES with white chocolate and it was yummy!

78. Won first prize in a costume contest - guess wat i was? vegetable vendor :P

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo - Not 1 but 3 of them!

81. Rafted the Snake River

82. Been on a television news program as an “expert” - but m sure i will be one day soon!

83. Gotten flowers for no reason - got it once cos its a Wednesday from who else ;;)

84. Performed on stage - everybody does in school

85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music - yea on my comp by myself !

87. Eaten Shark

88. Kissed on the first date - how about the second?

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

91. Been in a combat zone

92. Buried one/both of your parents

93. Been on a cruise ship - a casino cruise that is!

94. Spoken more than one language fluently - English, Tamil and Tanglish!

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

96. Raised children

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

98. Passed out cold - in most parties!

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country - in another couplea months :D

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over - shifted countries to start afresh...

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

102. Sang loudly in the car - car or bike but i definitely do!

103. Had plastic surgery

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived - yes it still hurts my head after almost 8 yrs :O

105. Wrote articles for a large publication - used to write for Gokulam as a kid and yea even now i ve had my poetry published and stuff...

106. Lost over 100 pounds - duh! i only weigh around so much

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback

108. Piloted an airplane

109. Touched a stingray - excuse me?

110. Broken someone’s heart - YES and everytime i get my heart broken i mock at myself mercilessly saying 'what goes around comes around'

111. Helped an animal give birth

112. Won money on a TV game show

113. Broken a bone - Yea...both my head and tail to be precise :D

114. Gone on an African photo safari

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears - nose! but not anymore

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

118. Ridden a horse - think so wen i was a kid...

119. Had major surgery - appendicitis is major?

120. Had a snake as a pet

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period - lemme first learn to sleep 8 hrs!

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States - only US! :(

124. Visited all 7 continents

125. Taken a canoe trip

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

127. Eaten sushi - hate it

128. Had your picture in the newspaper - Yes, for partying at 10D!

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about - i wish!

130. Gone back to school

131. Parasailed

132. Touched a cockroach - eeeeeeeeeks no!

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes - hmm think so... somewhere... never mind...

134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school and read - yea merci ;)

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

137. Skipped all your school reunions - seriously i missed almost all my friends weddings... school and college...

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

139. Been elected to public office - was elected as SPL in a school i joined the previous week and left the very next day :) !

140. Written your own computer language- written my own language on the computer!

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream - yea wen i get to write for a major client or simply get some appreciation for my reviews :)

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care - i didn't put him exactly but ive seen him there almost half his life and more than half of my childhood...

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you - i consider sellin blogspace to someone unknown as equal to this.. but anyway all my freelance work are my art (of writing) sold to someone unknown rite!

145. Had a booth at a street fair - inside college tho

146. Dyed your hair - almost every color u can possibly think of!

147. Been a DJ

148. Shaved your head

149. Caused a car accident - Car? nope (saved!)

150. Saved someone’s life- i ve been underweight to donate blood..mayb i shud try now!

Uff! that took much longer than i thought...any of u wanna takeup the tag? pls feel free to seize it like i did! will c ya soon with more time on my hands and a proper post to read :)