It's all about olive.. n a lil bout inspiration!

IF my biggest nightmare is to live a long life .. then urs shud b me blogging until my last breath! and looking at this 'inspiration' i mite end up doin it .. so beware!

This u wudve heard already .. bout the world's oldest blogger olive who passed away recently ..

Thats her first post, http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/2007/02/16/olives-first-blog/
the person who has been typing for her (Mike) wants us to understd her 'blob' (thats how she calls it), first by reading that!

and this http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/2008/04/24/someone-peed-on-the-fish/
is probably the last proper post from her.

wat enthusiasm! wat optimism! and wat is it tht makes life int for someone at 108! (yrs? :O) wen i cnt find one reason to wake up tomorrow ... no m not inspired, m more depressed thinking m a loser ... ah wat a loser!

Some parts of the blog are very cute and kiddish, probably its the second childhood thats speaking, as shakespeare (if m rite!) says.. so there is this other person Eric who had been blogging for her on behalf of Mike in the recent past since Mike was away and so the blog shifted to another place.

This is a nice post bout her school days 100 years ago! in the new (temporary) blog http://worldsoldestblogger.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html
very interesting .. really worth a read

and thats her final post after which everything has been from the others after her passing away.
http://worldsoldestblogger.blogspot.com/2008/06/settling-in.html its bout her days in the nursing home before she left the world.

they made a movie .. of course! http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/olives-movies/

Guess wat she has actually overtook this 96 year old, oldest blogger of Spain and here is a post of how they both communicated!!! http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/2008/04/02/marie-amelia-replies-to-olive/

aaaah ..............A 96 year old inspired by a 108 yr old .. n a 25 yr old reading it with :O shakin her head with a big no no no ... m not fallin for all this .. but hats off!

some interesting posts i read

http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/2008/04/06/i-wish-you-could-walk/
wataaa memory!

http://worldsoldestblogger.blogspot.com/2008/06/sing-happy-songs.html
she actually was soooooo happy rather kept herself so happy in her last days!

http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/2007/10/17/her-108th-birthday/
thats her 108th bday ... uh uh wat??? wonder how it feels to c that ... thats like just 83 yrs from now :) i can wait ... I hope time flies .. no i really hope it does IF i were to live so long..

and thats one year anniversary post :D
http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/2008/02/06/in-for-service/

Guess u can browse thro both the sites and get ur own fav posts .. but on a serious note, if somene has to live this long to see life from - days of walking to learning in a sewing school - to blogging right from her bed - .. shud call that a real life time experience.. wish i cud experience that but only if i can stay as happy cheerful active child-like and as beautiful as she is at 108!

Wish i discovered this blog just a few weeks early, I would ve had the honor or commenting n communicating with the world's oldest blogger.. well even now the blog is on and Mike is tryin to keep it alive with a 'In memory of Olive' etched on top while they r still discussing the future of the blog n wonderin wat to do yet.. u can take part in it too http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/

Maybe i ll wait for a much older blogger to come my way... but somehow Olive feels special and unique to me tho i ve no idea ... why?!!!!

Positive vibes can travel thro the net .. even after one's life, its still alive!
That's quite a discovery eh? :P

BUT in Chennai!

Fill it up fill it up.. The previous post has stayed on limelight for too long .. So what I've been doin all this while when that dumb post was catching all the unnessary attention .. I was reading other better, funny and interesting blogs unlike all of u who waste ur time on mine .. I have set this alert for chennai blogs and its too funny to ready the non-chennaites (esp northies :P) view of the city ..how much it varies from person to person .. the perconceived ridiculous notions, their surprise at the least surprising things and whole lota fun kinda pulling our own weaknesses, yes we kno! Let me take u for a small ride on the laufter rollercoastr I ve been goin thro .. strictly for chennai fanatics .. which I guess 90 percent of my readers who apparently do not live in chennai are!

Lemme start with our 'world' famous cuvaaam as a mark of auspicion :) guess this is a post from outa the country ..

http://christinewandering.wordpress.com/ says
Our walk home takes us along the Cuoom River, one of two rivers in Chennai. However, to call it a "river" is a bit of a stretch; the words I would use are more like OPEN SEWAGE PIT. The banks are littered (maybe teeming is a better word?) with garbage, and, at any given time, there are no less than four male motorists emptying their bladders into the water.

What does http://lifein360.wordpress.com/ have to say?
Bouquets on the city's infrastructure, it being an IT hub and its shining star - Marina beach and ECR…Brickbats on the weather, water and most importantly..the people…The latter mentioned drawback outweighs all the plusses since a city is made by its people and defined by its people..

And then adds

Wherevr I lived till now, people spoke both Hindi and English. English is good, but English all the time sounds too formal and artificial to me. Hindi brings about this element of casualness and informality to the conversation. Its more of the language you speak in with your pals. And in Chennai, its more Tamil less English :(:(….Learning Tamil is going to be a task now!…Basically at this stage, i cannot rule out the negative possibility of how life in this city is going to turn out

Yea rite!

Here comes someone adding oil to our fire .. !

Then, in Chennai, the government has a monopoly over liquor distribution, which means that restaurants aren't allowed to sell liquor. This makes it okay for a fine dining restaurant to run without serving liquor, and hence the price setters in the market are not high-cost. This probably explains why fine dining is much more reasonable in Chennai compared to Bangalore. Says http://skthewimp.livejournal.com/

Chek out an angry chennaite here.. http://sandhyaiyer.wordpress.com/

First, he said the people here don't even wanna learn hindi (He expects everyone in the country to learn hindi because it is our rashtra bhaasha), where as those in B'lore or Hyd speak hindi… I am a great lover of tamil and I somehow couldn't stand it when he told tamil is just another regional language.

Hey Hey chek this out and have a nice lauf.. at ignorance!!

Accenture Method:Hire a lion....Send him to chennai, ask him to stay on bench for a long time, ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger". Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

Oh that lion was http://blogdhaba.blogspot.com/
btw lion 'say him' is purrrrrrphect engleesh i say :P

But in Chennai, the life and the pace is pretty similar to the life I had in Singapore, hectic, fast, crowded and tiring.
Says http://vasanthan.blogspot.com/

Ahem ahem ahem!

Last but not the least here comes news ppl! Chennaites eat in banana leaf.. well yea we live in stone caves too :)

http://mylifeislikearainbow.blogspot.com/ compares

Chennai climate is BAD! ( Bad would be an understatement…I would prefer the Mumbai Rains to it anyday! )

The Auto Drivers/ Taxiwala's of Bombay are so much more cordial in comparison to Chennai.

The Chennai Junk Food ,am sorry to say is just average…….( now I am sure the chennaites would say that I did not know where to go and find stuff )…….but that is not my idea of junk food…you should find stuff when you are hungry (not having to go from one end of the city to the other to find a particular thing)

Chennai has too many people who booze! ( Imagine you find people drunk in the bus at 9 in the morning)

In Chennai ladies in the bus are always quarrelling!!!!!!!( Duh! Gets on to my nerves)

In Chennai you cannot hang out with friends at beaches and stuff at night. You have cops who would accuse you of indecent and improper behaviour.

Hmm…may be the simplicity of people out there is nice…..Hard to find that trait in Bombay!!!

For the Carnatic Music fanatics, Chennai is the place to be!

'Malli poo'( Mogra )….I simply love the fragrance….you find it everywhere!

The cost of living……. so economical and affordable!

Eating on Banana Leaves! ( very hygienic! )

The local trains are better out there ( But I would still prefer travelling on the foot board in the Mumbai Local trains)

Ufff!! I guess thats nuff fun for a day .. lemme get bak to my real world.. i almost forgot i live in this place a lot of others are hallucinating about .. but all i can say is hmm hmm......... no comments :P

I feel it in ma fingers i feel it in ma toesss

I hear complains from few readers tht my posts don provide 'food for thought' nemore mayb cos its more about food food and food i write nowdays? .. but words and food are becoming equally passionate to me these days .. and wat better when i can combine both ... i do have some thoughts which i can share… or not? i dono …i sure have lost touch with writing controversies ..

But yes i am looking for some anwers to some questions m sure there r no answers to. then wat m i lookin for? Thts wat m lookin for .. ok cuttin the crap .. lets say m thinkin about the basic essence of life, or atleast wat i think and have always believed as wat the world goes around for.. if u know me u guessed it rite.. m bak to cribbing about love and as always wondering wtf is it! So typically me but hey do u have an answer?

So many things happening around me, weddings, heartbreaks, affairs, sex... emotions being played around left and rite swinging around everywhere in the air.. hostility care indifference detachment attachment lust ... well u kno emotions don u! Now what is love? The word that’s used for every damn thing with no value attached to it nemore ...

I feel love wen i get butterflies in my tummy.. na thts just freakin lust..na i wudnt give it so much of an honor.. its probably well... hmm just butterflies? I feel love wen my mom brushes my hair sayin m the most beautiful baby shes ever seen.. isn't it too unconditional to be love.. is that wat is just love? i feel love wen m made to feel special by someone.. me call that vulnerable.. u dumb gal! I feel love when my kids come running to me even wen I c them after a year.. its overwhelming to kno they rem u after so long.. hmm so this cud b love .. but thn again how far or long is it? I feel love wen m made love to .. but then there r so many times wen u feel like a fukin machine… well quite literally … no no no dear!

But wait I truly believe or believed that love is ever thing in the world to live for.. love is god.. it’s the only form of creation I know and so can believe it to be the creator or god or whatever u wnana call it..sometimes u do feel well … hell with it .. theres no shit called love its just a freakin word to fool me .. to make me do things I ll never do otherwise.. to make me surrender.. to make me budge.. hurt me gimme pain … but then again whats wrong in that? What else is the world spinning around for?

Yes I agree tht whatever may come I will not (even wen I so badly want to) give up my basic value in life – to give love and be loved .. in whatever way possible.. Love is giving… love’s inside you its more fun wen u give it out … than getin more n more n stockin it inside.. don wonder if m a saint! Apparently sometimes I decide tht I shud be expecting no love in return .. Duh! how long u think someone can keep giving? It only accumulates to frustration and desperation … and its ugly followings .. better unmentioned...

So now actually coming to the wat I wanted to say :D this key to life.. cud it mean a lot diff to a lot of ppl? .. it so confusing! Wen I say I love u I just mean I love u … wat else can it mean? But then wat does it mean? There r ppl who value it as commitment? Mayb thts wat the Indian media has projected it to be .. man thts scary.. if something as free-willed as love can be made a commitment … its like imprisoning god in some random jail on earth! It demeaning its narrow and its sick..but thts me alrite...most ppl don agre with me wen i say motherhood is in a gal rite from birth, i think its an inborn quality, feeling and value to be a woman in the first place.. i turn furious wen i hear this common sayin 'a woman is complete wen she attains motherhood' .. of crap man .. that is so ironically stupid .. a woman is a woman only wen she has the 'mother' in her .. and it has no shit to do with 'f'ing and makin another creature plz...

Getting back to our God being imprisoned, I ve never believed in commitment or anything thts forced upon me without love .. learning from life ..i realize m not exactly rite.. u cud always love ur commitment .. or love to be committed...thts wat a marriage is all about rite? else why wud any one wana stick to one person all their life?.. being an Indian thats a basic moral ethic in our country aint it?..

hey don chek the link again … yes its me talking… don get me wrong .. there is always an ‘if’ there is love… and there is always as many ‘buts’ as in this post…

BUT then again.... wtf is this love am crapping so much bout?????????

Yellow Yellow Dirty Fellow!

I came zooming back home trying to escape the scorching sun, wiping my sweat, turning the air conditioner on and actually talking to it… ‘F***in' cool up fastttttt’ I yelled frustrated. Nobody can deny the heat that had taken over Chennai this summer, like any other year but somehow this yr has burnt me into something unrecognizable. So one more bang at the door and that was my final call for the juicy watermelon my mom was cutting for me, well it better be worth all the pain I went through to buy it. What the hell is she doing! BANG BANG I knocked my door, no way on earth am getting outa the room. Still no reaction from her! Fine I walked out not able to resist the site of juicy red watermelon and getting it in my mouth cooling my head but wat I saw shocked me! There was this juicy fleshy YELLOW watermelon! Ahhh! Now what is this? No wonder she was wondering what to do with it so long. Is there something called a Yellow Watermelon or is it some kinda hybrid with pumpkin or is it just some Very OLD watermelon! I almost don’t care; I just want to quench my thirst right now… fine let’s ask Google and Wiki I decided; the only people I trust lately!

And here is what the internet told me… so many blogs with ‘SURPRISE’ I saw a yellow watermelon posts! But nothing from India … so mine has the privilege to be the first surprise-watermelon-post in a blog from India I guess! Anyways there were some useful info sites; Wiki has a very small entry in the keyword ‘watermelon’ itself that’s all. Seems this variety is supposed to be more honey tasting and juicier… so I rushed and digged in to the scary looking yellow watermelon hoping am alive tomo, cos I still wasn’t really sure how this came to India in the first place! But I don’t think this one’s any sweeter and better than our yummy looking/tasting life-saving weight-reducing reddy reddy watermelons!

Some info I got on the net!
http://www.produceoasis.com/Items_folder/Fruits/YellowWMelon.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watermelon
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080302112816AAhP71S
http://www.calorie-count.com/forums/post/44844.html
http://www.watermelon.org/watermelon_funfacts.asp

Some Man-am-so-surprised blogs…
http://caviarandcodfish.com/2007/06/01/yellow-watermelon/
http://funnyaccent.typepad.com/funnyaccent/2004/10/post.html
http://senacle.blogspot.com/2006/06/on-yellow-watermelons.html
http://www.forks.ca/yellow-watermelon--012708.php
http://jackson.typepad.com/photos/taiwanese_food/yellowwatermelon.html
http://www.chezpei.com/2006/08/yellow-watermelon.html
http://crumbs.nomadlife.org/2006/06/yellow-watermelon.aspx
http://thespicecafe.com/2007/07/24/watermelon-ginger-ale/
http://arrgh-matey.com/crap/yellow.html

The funniest thing I found after some research later is the Yellow Watermelon appreciate group! The tagline goes like … "I wish i was a yellow watermelon"! What the hell! .. hehehe
http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=4894980279

And of course some funny youtube videos too!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kxP_hPeRi8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVyTDKisbQk&feature=related

A date with Mr.Murphy

If anything can go wrong, it will!
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
If everything is going right ... something is wrong.
Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong.

If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers!
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.

No matter where I go, there I am.
A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
The road to success is always under construction
If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

Mrs. Murphy's Law
If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town....
If something goes wrong, it's Mr. Murphy's fault.
If Murphy's law is right then it will go wrong
If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable.

And on the eighth day God said; "O.K. Murphy, you take over!"
If you make it through a Murphy Day...YOU WIN!

Sansmerci's goin places!

First of all F*** the GM diet! Its a total piece of crap and I only put on more weight after i stopped it! Most regretful post i did on my blog is about the diet... never mind! Thats all for the bad news!

The good news is...
1. m off my medication after almost a year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. My darling doc has prescribed me into pills to reduce weight added due to such meds :) Can it get better? Doesnt mean am gonna get it just like that, need to workout and diet too..

Now why the hell did i call this post this way? Check it out for urself

sansmerci.instablogs.com

http://chennai.burrp.com/user/sansmerci

sansmerci.sulekha.com

Keep cheking my regular updates in these sites! I will keep it on the navigation panel in here. Since sansmerci has been unstoppably writing on blogs and freelancing sites and a lot more... i never had time to let the devil play on my mind, doesnt mean am gonna desert my first child :)

My Experiments with ...

Okay! Since a lot of people have been asking me to write bout the MAGIC diet that I followed.. here it goes... sorry to disappoint u guys its called the GM diet and u can jus browse Google to know a lot bout it … but here i write bout my experience with it!

Rules I did not follow –
Do not even attempt to smell anything other than what is given on the diet for each day, if you really wanna lose weight and are dedicated to it.
Learn to cook the wonder soup, search for GM wonder soup anywhere u can have it anytime how much ever you want (don use any ready made soup they contain lotsa sugar n starch)
NO MILK except on day four Get over coffee at work or shift to black coffee (or just pretend that u din read this line!)
Go easy on salt and no sugar intake
NO FRUIT JUICES except day 7! Abstain from all alcohol…
Drink 10 glasses of water for sure and 1/3rd more on Day 5!

I would like to confess that I did not follow even one of this except the alcohol part of course (teetotaler alrite!) I did have coffee (milk and sugar) everyday, fruit juice by mistake one or two times and I really din make an effort to cook the soup, and duh! I couldn’t eat my veggies without salt for heavens sake! And my answer to point one is yea I was partly dedicated, I did take a bite or two now and then to cheat my tongue from depression. Trust me it works, take a bite of ur favourite food and chew it longer cheatin urself like ur eatin lots, all ur tongue needs is the taste, quantity doesn’t matter.

Ok so this is a 7-day diet, I am not gonna describe it cos its all over the internet.

Day ONE – All fruits except bananas.

‘Melon’choly day – Toughest day, makes u wnana give up so badly but trust me push thro this, and its gonan b too good from day 2!

Breakfast: watermelon pieces
One litre of aquafina (say between 11 to 2)
Lunch: lunch box full of water melon
One litre of aquafina (say between 3 to 6)
Dinner: Watermelon pieces and one apple

(Try to eat just water melon, it helps lose more weight ...don b an ass like me)

Day TWO – All vegetables starting with a large baked potato for breakfast.

POtaTOE! – a diet that lets u have potato wow! tho its jus bland baked potato with a lil butter n maybe pepper on it, u die for this after a day long of just melons!

Breakfast: Boiled/Micowaved potato no butter (cheated with a lil salad dressing, com’n I din do use butter!)
One litre of aquafina (say between 11 to 2)
Lunch: salad at subway – lotsa crunchy lettuce, cucumber, onion, tomato, fat-free sweet onion dressing ( not supposed to but its irresistible) btw try it out its the sexiest i ve had in chennai!
One litre of aquafina (say between 3 to 6)
Dinner: home cooked boiled cabbage one big bowl and some chopped cucumber.

(Potato is yumm even if it has no seasoning! Veggies with water content reduce weight soon like cabbage, snake gourd, ash gourd and beetroot.)

Day Three – Fruits and vegetables

Oh-yea-m-on-a-diet day!

Breakfast: very few pieces of apple and some green grapes
One litre of aquafina (say between 11 to 2)
Lunch: salad at pizza hut – lil smaller bowl lettuce, pineapples, cucumber, etc.
One litre of aquafina (say between 3 to 6)
Dinner: cooked beetroot (cheated with a spoon of curd) and grapes

(Veggies are tastier than fruits and healthier too. Just go easy on oil/salt.)

Day Four – Eight bananas and drink three glasses of milk

Go Ba’na’na’s!

Breakfast: 1 banana and my usual large cup of coffee (not cheating cos milk is allowed today!)
One litre of aquafina (say between 11 to 2)
Lunch: 2 bananas and a frappe at CCD [:D]
uff no water!
Dinner: two bananas around 6’clock and 1 small cup milk at 9 o’ clock

(You don’t need to finish all the 8 bananas eat as much as u can. But the body naturally craves for banana n nothing else today. Get non-fat milk, try not to add sugar or sugar substitute.)

Day Five – 10 oz. portions of lean beef (lean protein) and whole tomatoes

Supposed to be the FEAST day! Naaaaaaaaa

Breakfast: hard boiled egg (din remove yolk since m a sucker for it!)
Lemon juice with salt
Lunch: tomato rasam with very few spoons of rice and lotsa extra tomato pieces
Forgot the water (supposed to drink 1/3 extra today!)
Dinner: sprouts with tomato and 2 big glasses of tomato juice (unstrained) with salt

(Tomatoes reduce weight like nothing else! Eat tomato morn day n nite and c the difference. I am planning to go on a complete tomato diet! Make sure to get the water requirement for this day. Vegetarians can substitute the beef for egg whites (strictly no yolk, spoils the whole purpose), sprouts/tofu is the best option! You are allowed to make a sandwich out of any of these ingredients today.)

Day Six – Unlimited Beef (lean protein) and vegetables

Egggggggggggggs

Breakfast: hard boiled egg (its better to have sprouts!)
One litre of aquafina (say between 11 to 2)
Lunch: egg white omelet
Forgot the water!
Dinner: cooked cabbage bowel!

(Felt lighter when I woke up, thanks to yesterday's tomatoes. Go for water veggies and sprouts today)

Day Seven – Brown rice, fruit juices and all the vegetables

Now this is my feast day!

Breakfast: skipped!
The new amsutra slice ;) (What the hell I can have fruit juice today rite! .. ok! who am I kiddin?)
Lunch: boiled rice with cauliflower
Forgot the water!
Dinner: cucumber slices and apple juice (unstrained and no sugar)

(DO not drink packed fruit juice, have fresh ones unstrained and no sugar, I found out they actually taste good! Brown rice is thar rice in India, well m not really sure lemme kno if anyone knows, else there is always chapathi as a substitute.)

You can repeat the diet as many times u want but take a minimum 3 day break in between! This is 'not' like other FAD diets letting u starve thro the day, you can fill urself with the food recommended for the day as much as u want, in fact if u ever get hungry then ur not following the diet properly!

Wake up on Day 8 and ur pants will seem bigger! buy a belt for safety, trust me i experienced it!

Now this will sound funny to u after reading all this! I did not lose any weight after I did this diet! But I ve lost inches and I feel lighter and able to dress like I used to! Mayb its a healthy way to get in shape and a great mood lift! But one thing to remember is that 'don hog after the diet is over'.. its too easy to get the weight bak in maybe just a couple of days! Keep exercising as much as u can and plz be grateful to friends veggie fruits lean protien and water (esp. melon and tomato?) and keep eating lotsa them in ur every day diet!

...and on my way to nowhere...I lost myself somewhere!

No this is not my usual 'Oh-am-so-lost' post, am very much alive and understanding that i am but I cant find myself, the person I was, that I thought, knew I was. It's so tough to be in this new avatar I am in. Its like am a completely diff personality who I (as swarna) despise! I am so boring! I can’t believe that am boring. Well I do have some evidence that makes me believe that am boring. For starters I have started typing with proper punctuations and in ‘English’! Now that must be shocking to most people who follow my blog since the day I started yapping here cos my words have always been a no-control no-rules mess, just like me and I probably had the worst spelt posts that blogspot has ever seen.. hehe… neways (lemme try and sound like myself!)

Now my wardrobe needs a complete make over, m sick of my depressing clothes I ve chosen in the funny lil depressed stint I was in last yr. wooo man! the effects are crazy too long to handle. I feel a 100 yrs older in just a year. Yea yea am tryin to be bak but personality doesn’t just comprise of words and wardrobe rite? From within I can’t be the bubbly self I always was until 24 yrs of my life. Yea I almost stopped making friends and of course not talking to any of the old ones and am completely anti-social (me :O) I jus hate to think of being in the company of ppl … how did I ever become a loner? It seemed biologically impossible for a chatterbox like me!

I am happy i am being 'Swarna' from 'Sansmerci' but i dono which is rite or rong, its like am going thro puberty and i m losing my charm and identity cos of it, is it worth it? In the end i dono who i am, i dono what i stand for or to stand for and feel pathetic. I was stronger wen i was kid (until march 2007?), atleast i had an opinion! Now am strong that being opinionated is being a 'Bad' gal and 'Good' gals compromise and live life for their loved ones. Well yea i always wanted to keep my loved ones happy but from when did i want to be the 'good' gal? Yikees! I’m interested things I would ve shunned a year back, I actually don mind things I was strongly against, I dono if I have given up on life or dreams or if I jus don wanna fite? Oh am I a loser? Maybe am just becoming 25 in my head, now if 25 feels this crappy how wud 30 feel like? I really have no interest or motivation to see that. Some ppl still call me a party gal, all i think is 'yea rite!' I cant even relate to the gal now, I would probably get scared of her if I c her now… maybe run away.. or is that wat am doin? Running away from myself … or is this what u call growing up? Maturity? Getting serious bout life? Whatever it is … TRUST ME IT SUCKS BIG TIME!

Found a Friend in Food

I am happy I took a break for a week and writing this today. I’ve read a lot in this mean time while I have some changes in my mood too (yea as always). But I’ve a reason now something I want to share with everyone. Everyday I get to read a million articles on women, fitness, diet, clothing, fashion, exercise, this, that and what not. Moreover, there are commercials, television and movies. I might not know much women but almost everyone I know are so figure conscious, no matter if they weigh 30 kgs or 70 kgs. Well this includes me too. Sometimes, these seem like a positive thing but mostly it seems negative. Guess almost all of you know the incredible amount of weight I have put on since few months now that some people don’t even recognize me anymore? Yea I blame it on the medication I was/am on, but I agree I dint make much effort in the initial stage of it and now whatever I do, I just can’t get rid of it.

I made a resolution stating that I will diet and exercise and bring down my weight back to what I was in few months (if you remember me getting enlightened in my New Year post). I literally lived on fruits veggies and coffee for some 3 months out of which I hit the gym for 20 days causing me to put on another few kgs. I almost gave up, no actually I gave up! Started hogging on food left, right and centre. It was like revenge and I dint know I was hurting myself in the whole process but it’s like a vicious circle. You eat, feel guilty, get depressed and hog to chase away the blues (I swear nothing comforts like food not even alcohol). Maybe cos I have given up all my habits and have no resort to depend and was too lonely all thro the day and needed some company (my friend food). Now that adds a few more kgs. I resorted to pills and starting abusing FOOD and I really dint know that I was actually a victim of Bulimia nervosa. This is an eating disorder where people binge eat. Once I read up on it, it only interested me more and I was actually considering abuse of laxatives until I got to read the horrible effects of it! It is a typical act of Anorexics who are crazily affected by their body image and starve/purge and do everything to maintain it. I do agree that I believe that my good looking is very important to my self image and how I feel. I realized its not just me, there so many women around the world and a few I know too are disturbed so much due to this stereotypical stick figure view of a good looking woman but at the cost of physical and mental well being?

THINK AGAIN! (Well that doesn’t mean that am thinking again!)

And for all you Bulimics and Anorexics there (or almost there), I just found a MIRACLE DIET, (cant believe am saying that!) something that is fast, healthy and doesn’t take much of an effort. It actually worked for me. I still am yet to get outta the surprise (shock?)…. Dono how long it gonna last... So let me POSTpone it to the next POST!

Nobody invited you to read ...

He’s gotta girlfriend
She has got a kid
She got married
He is engaged
He got a busy job
She got her own family
He got other patients
She went to study
He went abroad
He found his career
She found a rich guy
He got a wife
He … she … can’t think of more
And if even SHE is preoccupied
Where do I go?

Why am I getting bak to my dark world? For no reason? I dono but its just too lonely here … this time am sure somebody will save me b4 I sink in it. Somebody talk to me plz am going crazy here all alone .. how does it feel living with urself the whole day? Do u have an idea? How does it feel to carry so much within u and walk alone ……

What did I actually wanna write on? My mind is so restless am not able to get a hold of it and put down words here. Its flying out in every direction possible

NO I aint surrendering
You cant have me back my love …
You know I cant resist you
but is that all u care
After all you hurt me
what makes you think
I would get back to u for help
Yes I slipped but never again
I would rather lose my head
I would rather die restless
I would rather spend sleepless nites
But I don need to sleep with u
U can seduce u can overdose…
For all u care, I cud b no more in the morn …

Oh it feels so nice after I got that shit outa my head! Feels good to have written that, I know makes no sense to u! If you think its bout my x boyfriend…Get to know me soon!

Anyway, wud like to add to this psychic post I actually wanted to post on Bulimia and Anorexia, if you are wondering what it is, it’s the new battle am fighting against…