PMS: Myths Busted - The Other Side of the Story

All u ladies in the house, here’s an open question to u

“How do u feel when ur really angry and pissed at something, its breaking ur heart, getting on ur nerves and u feel absolutely helpless and wanna break down, waiting on a regret or at least an explanation from him, if not a make-up act, and all u hear him say is ‘It’ll all be ok soon baby…ur just PMSing and m getting used to it’!”

This is what I have termed as the act of ‘Easy Blame Reversal Syndrome (EBRS)’!

Well yo’all know what am talking about… I can hear the guys sigh as tho it’s the biggest curse that has been brought upon them since the birth of human race…but I feel like its the biggest plot that men have come up with (they probably do have a secret sorority to come up with such stuff on a universal basis)…to fool woman into believing that she and her precious body (which otherwise is worshipped by the same men as the greatest gift to mankind) are the only reason for any pain caused to her and in fact its causing pain to him too.. tho not technically even close to what she goes thro.. his miseries are more talked about than hers..in fact the only recognized pain of hers is that which affects him, if u know what I mean! I wonder in olden days when ppl knew nothing bout how the body worked and how hormones caused mayhem…did they still go thro PMS? I don think so dude! Those times wen she went thro pain.. it was seen as mere pain..and was empathized with..not as a u-don-ve-a-choice-so-stop-whining-n-put-up-with-it pain…

Alright… pre/post menstrual stress do exist upto to some level very much..i agree.. but its completely manipulated by the circumstance.. if u notice it mostly occurs to woman who are surrounded by a lot of men.. rather at least one of them..or lets say the stress is projected into a huge issue only by the men around.. u say it’s a reason woman give all thro the month to justify their bad moods.. I say it’s a reason men give to convince us women that its not him, its ‘her’ who is to blame..and its bcos of her hormones and its problems that she’s this anxious, emotional and angry at this time..well it’s a way to give the woman the blame, let her take it without denials and also blame her later for using it as a tool to get what she wants..well in the first place, if she gets what she wants y the hell is she even stressed? Yes of course she takes a lil advantage of it and use it to her benefit sometimes, thankfully, every coin has two sides.

I hate to call it pre-menstrual stress and keep it gender biased.. if the pain is for both the gender (as the men claim)..I wanna abbreviate it into ‘Production Management System’ if not for reproduction mgt sys.. cos both the parties (along with the hormones) involved in reproduction are causing it and the person takin it of course is the same one who takes the pain of the final output too. Lets see, when he took u out to a beautiful dinner for ur bday last yr..and made u feel like a queen.. u din ve any pms even a day b4 ur chums.. but this yr wen he forgot ur bday or jus din care to buy u even a rose.. ur pms bugs him too much this month… so yea, if ur boyfriend’s cheating on u and u know it, ur pms hits u well in advance.. mayb 2 weeks ahead of wen it shud.. and who cares how much it is bugging u deep inside wen u very well its not just the pms! Well its all in ur body hon and its stupid mechanics.. ur poor bf has to take all this shit from u cos of it.. phew!

Those instances were explained to u from what I have heard from gals.. who have been and are goin thro this treachery… ignorant of the curse they are blamed for, naively acceptin blame believing its in their favor.. sometimes feelin guilty for it too…and what I ve heard from guys who are boyfriends/husbands of such ‘PMS Possessed’ females who are making their lives miserable. I have also seen perfectly happy couples (really?) not knowing what the hell the term even means.

Nevertheless, from my experiences with PMS patients (who are clinically treated for this) and from what the doc suggests and the placebos given to them (that are jus bcomplex and vitamin tabs under a weird name! thanks to google!) I say with all confidence and pride.. it’s a bloody myth.. and its well used and utilized by the society to fool us all into thinking we are being protected.. wen in fact we are being abused in the name of it.. (y not we start treating EBRS too?) Its jus Psychiatry baby! Don be weak.. don blame ‘that time of the month’ nemore for your miseries.. and then u ll see that its jus another physical cycle like u pee or shit.. yes it causes a lot more of pain than the said..wat else do u expect wen life fucks u yet again in the same damn hole...now stand up for ur rite gals…n if he disagrees…tell him he’s jus goin thro ‘EBRS’…fart the shit out back on to his face next time.. and tell me how he reacts, m really curious!

Disclaimer: These are not facts, but my personal opinions based on true stories (plus a little research on google) and a few extracts from my free (unisex) relationship ‘counseling’ sessions offered on gtalk that I will soon start charging for (per hour)!

(And of course forgive the hostile tone…m just feelin a bit aggressive cos m PMSing :D)

If looks cud kill....then i must b writing this from hell...

Is it virtually possible to send out hate vibes to people? i have never hated anyone in my life ... i have had angers .. i have hated peoples specific characteristics.. i ve shouted and threatened to kill ppl too in moments of anger... i dislike some ppl at first site.. i dislike some ppl even b4 i meet them .. i ve been jealous.. i ve envied...i ve spited...i ve cursed...but i have never hated anyone in this last 26 years per se, i cant think of one person ...neither can i think of anyone who has hated me so much... again there are ppl who think m arrogant, m stupid, m selfish, m heartless, m an asshole... etc etc.. but jus plainly hate me for who i am? mayb someone does and i never knew it but it has never bothered me as much.. cos noone has ever meant that much to me in life to be affected by their vibes over me ... i am preacher of love and giving and wud foolishly give even if u keep on takin.. no m not proud of it .. i let ppl walk all over me cos of it .. it is my disease!

But NOW i feel hated... i feel hate vibes all around me.. don get me wrong.. its not bout family or friends they are all very supportive and infact takin all the shit i am givin them ...but there is hate and evil vibes all around me and i can feel it haunting me .. eating me alive...like a death machine...giving me brain shivers....am i paranoid...or am i really being hated so much? have u ever felt it? is it true? a vibe that can kill u .. looks that can give u a nervous breakdown...

Found a Friend in Food

I am happy I took a break for a week and writing this today. I’ve read a lot in this mean time while I have some changes in my mood too (yea as always). But I’ve a reason now something I want to share with everyone. Everyday I get to read a million articles on women, fitness, diet, clothing, fashion, exercise, this, that and what not. Moreover, there are commercials, television and movies. I might not know much women but almost everyone I know are so figure conscious, no matter if they weigh 30 kgs or 70 kgs. Well this includes me too. Sometimes, these seem like a positive thing but mostly it seems negative. Guess almost all of you know the incredible amount of weight I have put on since few months now that some people don’t even recognize me anymore? Yea I blame it on the medication I was/am on, but I agree I dint make much effort in the initial stage of it and now whatever I do, I just can’t get rid of it.

I made a resolution stating that I will diet and exercise and bring down my weight back to what I was in few months (if you remember me getting enlightened in my New Year post). I literally lived on fruits veggies and coffee for some 3 months out of which I hit the gym for 20 days causing me to put on another few kgs. I almost gave up, no actually I gave up! Started hogging on food left, right and centre. It was like revenge and I dint know I was hurting myself in the whole process but it’s like a vicious circle. You eat, feel guilty, get depressed and hog to chase away the blues (I swear nothing comforts like food not even alcohol). Maybe cos I have given up all my habits and have no resort to depend and was too lonely all thro the day and needed some company (my friend food). Now that adds a few more kgs. I resorted to pills and starting abusing FOOD and I really dint know that I was actually a victim of Bulimia nervosa. This is an eating disorder where people binge eat. Once I read up on it, it only interested me more and I was actually considering abuse of laxatives until I got to read the horrible effects of it! It is a typical act of Anorexics who are crazily affected by their body image and starve/purge and do everything to maintain it. I do agree that I believe that my good looking is very important to my self image and how I feel. I realized its not just me, there so many women around the world and a few I know too are disturbed so much due to this stereotypical stick figure view of a good looking woman but at the cost of physical and mental well being?

THINK AGAIN! (Well that doesn’t mean that am thinking again!)

And for all you Bulimics and Anorexics there (or almost there), I just found a MIRACLE DIET, (cant believe am saying that!) something that is fast, healthy and doesn’t take much of an effort. It actually worked for me. I still am yet to get outta the surprise (shock?)…. Dono how long it gonna last... So let me POSTpone it to the next POST!

When Pain plays Hero

Here we go ……… I have decided to bring this blog bak to life not jus by writing but to write in a more pleasant way or shud I say not my kinda way. Yes it shud b a surprise to all u ppl who wud b expecting the same old depressed crap from me … nah nah … guess wat I ve grown up! No not really m still growing outa it … I dono wat m gonna write on ..I read somewr that writers block can be cured by writing down random thoughts scribbling continuously whatever comes to the mind! Now that I have an audience for it … I decided I shud do it …….

BLOCK! No this is not gonna happen! I have decided to survive and not look for a reason to do so. Every human being needs a motivation something to look forward to in life to move on, knowingly or unknowingly. Life sucks otherwise like it did for me .. no reason to wake up or work or even breathe. But when I think of it now I cant really relate my depression to one reason. I cant really answer if someone asked me y the fuk were u depressed! But now I know there r ppl in the world down in the dumps who need serious help. Doctors and treatments do help or maybe they don’t I don really know. It is a disease as pathetic as anything else but ppl feel ashamed to say it out cos they r not really understood. Like any part of the body the brain also goes for a toss sometimes.

Modern psychiatry doesn’t believe in the ‘mind’ at all. Its funny they calculate everything only with the chemicals in the brain but call it ‘mind care clinics’ hehe .. neways they think humans r just a machine and we work, think and act depending on what brain commands. We r jus flesh n blood, emotions r jus hormonal. Feels like m told m not a person at all. But yes I believe in science I gota agree with them. In the process, ppl say ive lost my funnybone. Yea? I find it true too. I cant write for nuts how much this has got into my life. Lost all my friends, lost my talent I based my career on, hurtin myself real bad losin self esteem n confidence is the worst part of anything. Now am in the best stage! Tryin to bring bak everything into my life isn’t really so easy wen the after effects are so deep. But m sure they r not unrecoverable.

No I still have no reason to live. But I decide to survive!

Now m gonna stop using this as my personal diary and start writing good stuff trust me I will … (wink wink). Maybe I shud start with changing my template to a sweeter one!

Same time last year

http://undefinedoxymoron.blogspot.com/2006/09/i-don-believe-in-life-after-death.html

http://undefinedoxymoron.blogspot.com/2006/09/frozen-chilli.html

Sept 07 and am here still with the same feeling, except that it has grown into a bigger thingy and eating me up now … it has a certificate and am still the same… wen will I get out and get a life or will I ever have one?

Wanna know how long u gonna live?

Read some crap on relationships and harmony and watever if ur bored, it will sound good to u if ur depressed, well written, if u need some 'hope' to carry on.. if ur 'hopeless' like me just jump down to the last part it is super fun!

http://www.peterussell.com/WUIT/Relationships.php

http://www.peterussell.com/SP/QReln.php

http://www.peterussell.com/LGN/JustLGo.php

Here it comes! enter your answers honestly and you ll know ur real age (health age now) and how many more yrs ur gonna live if u continue ur lifestyle the same way.. only thing u can do is (i.e. for ppl who wanna live)to decrease ur real health age as much as possible by changin ur habits and hence increasing the number of yrs ur gonna live possibly..

Here's the link! it actually seems very true to me cos they measure it on the rite terms not some crap quiz u find often on the internet at least i believe so...

http://www.peterrussell.dreamhosters.com/Odds/RealAge.php

Even if you are least interested in knowing how long ur gonna live ...at least to get an insight into ur present lifestyle and habits and where ur goin wrong i think u shud take this and sincerely write ur real health age and number of yrs ur gonna live more ...in my comments page! DEAL - I WILL WRITE MINE FINALLY UR SURE TO GET A SHOCK!

3 in 1 Movie Review!!!!!!!!!!

Ok! Back again .. No no m not missing orkut .. m jus missing work at work .. if u kno wat i mean
Wat i been upto .. i met with an accident sittin at home totally fucked .. well nothin new .. i can c that smile on ur face .. n yea make it broader cos mine is broader than urs ,.. m so happy hurt everywhere .. after all how ll u kno my pain if i don wear it on my body .. ok ok lemme cut the crap n start my work sorry post for the day ..

i saw 3 movies in a row n m gonna write bout each of them ... its funny how it screws ur head wen u watch 3 completely diff kinda movies in a row.. one inspiring .. one depressing and one pakka masala ... yea a post like this!!

I truly from my heart recommend all of you to watch this movie ‘Dead Poets Society’, esp some ppl who I don wanna name here but sure will read my blog who deserves some inspiration (stuck in the world of just 'world' n nothin else.. m sure u din get it!). Its about art love romance and everything that your heart longs for, I could even include death if I have the passion for it .. its so inspiring to do what you want to, 'seize the moment' … to break the rules and look at the world from a different angle, I ve already written about stereotyping so don wanna repeat it here, it cost me a job, my first job and a bunch of friends, I miss everyday! Oh m deviating from the topic .. yea the movie is for every business school bred corporate world maniacs who need to c the world find peace in beauty of rain (my own build up) or just love life as it is n not make it tough and stereotyped! I dono current affairs I don follow the corporate world I don wanna make money I have my own little world my poetry kids writing love rain pain death or whatever but I am what I am you don tell me what am supposed to be …. It’s a typical ‘ we don need no education’ movie! Its inspiring plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust me the next movie m gonna write about is the most depressing ever made or I ve seen in the history of 24 yrs of my life. If a suicidal person (worse than me I mean) watches it, it will push him/her to death. Its ‘Requiem for a Dream’ well the title sounds like the story of my life, doest it? hehe, now don go look for wat Requiem means [;)]. Yea Linkin Park sang it rite ‘In the end it doesn’t even matter’ after all you dream and all you try! I am sure most of you would be googling or searching wikipedia or imdb for the movie, its an underground movie I cudnt get it anywhere, its bout drugs addiction and yea it’s a psycho movie (wen u kno i like it), but if you c it deep nuff it’s a movie about love not just between a guy n a gal, but mother n son, husband n wife, bf gf, the dream u have in every stage of your life, the dream to be a star, to be married, to have kids/grand kids, to live with the one you love and mainly yea to make money and be famous of course! It was like a scare to me that I could be that one day, well my dreams are dead now, but I am in the path … the movie was almost my life exaggerated I could say, I don recommend you to watch it if you are really depressed, but tis a movie everyone shud watch once and throw it out the window, not to be stored in your collection! But shud watch! … or maybe not but I loved it esp the background score its called ‘summer overture’, it stays in your head for hours after the movie is over … its like a voice in ur head u wanna throw out but cant .. I downloaded it immediately… neways .. got fuked after I watched it I was insane for sometime … so if ur already fuked .. BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well the next movie you shud ve guessed by now was ‘Shivaji’! Full time entertainment masala no logic typical Rajni movie I just loved it for no reason but Rajni and Vivek ofcourse. Tried to whistle as much as I cud tho I cudnt! Anyways shreya or shriya whatever her name is looks beautiful, but cud ve shown her face a lil more and din expect a Rajni movie heroine to wear nothing but inner garments in all the songs twas like watchin a kamal movie or porn I shud say .. She cudve atleast worn a blouse for gods sake.. She looks beautiful,.. cudve made use of that .. Hello! Some respect plz! Neways .. I shud say Rajni din touch her much … Rajni is Rajni.. or so I think ..Neways who cares .. din like the music I dono AR Rehman has come down in his standards… But had nice fun as such super masala entertainment!!!!!! Must watch for all Tamilians at least cos it featured in UK top 10 Box office in first week i guess and the highest budget for any movie taken in India or something and has a lot more of records..or atleast for all the hype created... not pretty much evident in the movie tho! Watch it for Thala’s sake.. He looks 20 yrs younger .. I cant believe .. he looks like he used to in those days when he used to act with Ambika Radha kinds I guess 80s, wen I was born .. boo .. awesome .. Money is money ..can do anythin .....ahhhhhhh … Not really!!

MS Word is spittin on me with too many reds n greens m too bored to correct them, that’s what I do at work … this is my space i do what i want (inspired by Dead Poets Societ ;)) isn’t this a long post? Co'mon u have to put up with me .. its jus 11 45 n I have no work till 1 and nothing after lunch either .. I wonder if they gonna pay me at all .. heard they r hiring 2 more copy writers! Ahem for wat??????????? More blogs to read hurray!!

Y no comments on my previous post [:(] and this is the only way i keep in touch online or say with friends as such .. so visit often 'request more comments' too ...

whachamacallit?

i was thinkin of a lota things to write about .. dono which one to give priority! i can make it many posts to make my blog pop or i can jus write crap in here rite now to spend the next 30 mins sittin in office ...

Ok i choose the second option.. since i don wanna go mad! i had so much idle time u wont believe i wud go to extent of killin myself jus bcos m bored n have nothin to do! trust me on this! i wudnt mind sittin n hittin myself to pass time ... idle mind is devils workshop and in my case... i turn into the devil!

probably last 2 yrs of idleness has turned me into this creature i am today, i will tell u a secret... i had WORK! for the last 3 days tooo much work tht i cudnt handle i felt so wanted needed loved(dono y really) and i actually din have time to think about if m loved or wanted or if i have a life or what m gonna do with it etc like i usually do, i rem sittin n countin seconds in grocery stores n jewelery stores where i had nothin to do ... maybe thats wat screwed my mind slowly into emptiness .. not to blame it .. it was experience which noone had n i loved it as much as m lovin work now i would rather say ' lived my life' n m happy about it ... i kno nothin lasts forever i dono if tomo i ll feel this way or if ll have work to do or even have a job .. anyone can throw me outa anything anytime n m used to getin over things people jobs and life! yea i finished all my work at 5 n for the last 30 mins i ve been feelin bored as hell n i ve been thinkin of ways to kill myself hehe .. wat a crazy bych eh?

Anther thing wanted to write about was emotional blackmailin, well its been goin around me a lot these days. gfs blackmailin bfs, vice versa, brothers sisters, moms sons daughters, whats this thing that holds us to someone emotionally that we do something jus bcos they don hurt themselves! its too much! its like i ll do this to myself if u dont do that, n hey that person does it cos they love u obv, (otherwise emotional blackmailin def wudnt work, so love does exist eh?) anyways this been a big torture in my life ... wat do u suggest ... is it better to fall for it or just let go? (Secret: yes i am a big time emotional blackmailer but wen it comes to me or my friends ... boooooooo i dono wat to do or advice them to do) m in a real fix now i tell u! how about blackmail bak ??? yea thats wat i do ...shud i add talking about dependency here .. yes i get crazily depend on ppl .. till they get sick of me .. n i kno that or imagine that they are sick of me.. which makes me more depend on them .. its a vicious circle .. is there a way outa it? .. uff uff !! head breakin ... i don wanna think bout this nemore!

what else what else its jus 10 mins ... no m not gonna write for the next 20 mins n bug ya.. lotsa things happenin in my life i ve been away from everyone of my friends! probably this is the only way they r getiin to kno bout my life .. i dono how long its gonna last, but m lovin this loneliness, mayb its for good or bad , m jus goin with it , maybe i ll regret it someday! but m jus doin watever my head says! n a lota tabs tabs tabs n hospital etc etc,. long time since i answered yeah m fine for a how r u .. neways .. who cares wen u don talk to ppl nemore! hey wait can u believe that i left orkut? i del my 15000 scraps(hearbreak) n 150 friends and 150 communities hehe .. yea but the account will b del by orkut soon i guess m trying .. nways i need comments on that friends plz .. did u ever think? i was addicted like a nut? lived on it? now u wonderin if m living? maybe i shud write a separate post on 'life without orkut' if m inspired to do so .. somehow i don miss it much! so i ve proved that i do i have a real life.. or maybe not ... watch out for that post soon .. or maybe not .. ok forget it!

Alrite! thats it for now .. hey i forgot i read God Debris by Scott Adams (Author of Dilbert) i loved it .. i 'READ' somethin after a long time i thought i lost that patience long long back ... i really recommend all of u to read it .. i actually posted it here n it was too long for a blog .. neways m done m done! no more talking i mean typing! mayb this is my first random post in my blog so wat shud i name this? shall i call it whachamacallit? i like the concept from a chocolate..ok now 15 mins more m loggin off .. i better have some work from tomo ... or .....

I don need no SUGAR PILLS!!

Break my head cut into pieces burn it into ashes I don care
Its running somewhere let it go I wanna run outa my head
Give me a way give me a song give me something to live on
Cry with me all u happy people I detest ur smile makes me hate u
The hate with in kills me mercy-kill me someone plz
Am dyin in danger dyin in fear of life dyin for something
I cant find I cant understand I cant go on nemore
Break my head I cant stand it its not me nemore
I cant write I cant sing I cant dance what am I here for
I cant breathe I cant smile I cant see people around
Break my fukin head now its fukin me too hard in the rong fukin hole!

No I cant write a happy song I think u shud stop chekin my blog!
My happy pills aint working! U gave me a fukin placebo [:(]

NOW gimme my HAPPY pills u LOSER!!

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I don believe in 'Life After Death'

Well… I don really know what to write bout .. sorry for the long silence.. due to public demand m writing again today ;)… I have been blank for the past few days not so alive not so dead .. jus blank. Usually m either too depressed or too elated, somehow the emotion part has been missing… thats one reason I had nothin to say. After using the internet for years, finally this blogging has made me open up, think, introspect, found me an imaginary friend to listen to my inner voice. What I have been doin lately? well jus tryin to figure out who I am n what's happening inside me. Funny, I have thought bout it many times, but right now I get completely different answers or have I become a completely new person. Is it possible to b dead and reborn emotionally? Can ur values change so much that u can become a different person all of a sudden? What if I don like this person I am becoming? I happened to watch the movie Girl interrupted again this week, tho am watchin it for the nth time, it made a lota sense to me this time. I cud relate to Susanna Kayson...(for all of u who havent seen the movie, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girl_Interrupted or http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/g/girl-interrupted-script-transcript-jolie.html). It is based on a book, which is based on real life experience of the writer, the real Susanna Kayson. She is nothin but a confused young gal who doesn’t know wat to do with her life, she is everythin which is usually existing in a subtle way in almost everyone of us. I did some research on this mental condition that she has, called BPD – borderline personality disorder. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_Personality_Disorder. Wikipedia says ‘Psychiatrists and some other mental health professionals describe borderline personality disorder as a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior.’ Every word in this I can relate to, well anyone can relate to, jus the extent to which its affectin u that matters.I found this homepage of a borderline person http://www.myborderlinelife.co.uk/index.html, which is very funny and interesting. I can rem interesting scenes from the movie too, like wen she s asked what she plans to do n she says, ‘ I plan to write’, ppl look at her like she has no goals..no career.. n then wen they tell her ‘woman today have more oppurtunity than we did’, the way she snaps back sayin, ‘no they don’t!!’ means so much more than the words….

Quoting wikipedia again, ‘A commonly used mnemonic to remember the features of the borderline personality disorder is PRAISE: - P - Paranoid ideas, R - Relationship instability, A - Angry outbursts, affective instability, abandonment fears, I - Impulsive behaviour, identity disturbance, S - Suicidal behaviour, E – Emptiness’. Well I wish it was a different kinda praise, the kind u wud wanna receive from ppl u trust and love, which cud motivate u nuff to realise ur worth living a life, wen ur self esteem is at the lowest. Mayb ur not appreciated nuff for wat ur, mayb its jus cos u start feelin uncared for or not worthy of love. Mayb cos u don listen to urself anymore or don trust urself nemore. The stuff I read made me think about substance abuse. I feel it only worsens their plight. More dependancy, more trouble. But it is definitely a temporary way outa the world, to stay away from someone u hate the most wen it is unfortunately urself. I cant personally comment on this one http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substance_abuse. But jus a passing thought, I sometimes think to myself n smile about this, alcoholics r such selfless ppl, they can hurt themselves so much. Sometimes I feel teetotalers r so worried about their self that they can never really fall in love with another person for real. Jus kiddin!! Ok I lost sequence..anyways lemme close this with a song I wrote few days back, read on n c if it makes sense….

Am burning in hell but inside myself

The hell that I am, no wonder m burning myself

Am burning with desire m burning with envy

Burning with guilt burning with anger

Cant stop this fire in me .. set ablaze

Burning me hungry n eatin me up

Am burning yes m burning

All over from ma head to toe

Am burning to kill m burning to die

When m burning within my soul gives out a cry

So m burning her up b4 my ashes dry

I wanna burn my ashes and throw them aside

Throw them someplace so they can burn in hell

Stop the voices in my head n gut their yell

After all the heat m still alive, alive n burning

Taking the sting of each flare, still yearning

Yes m obsessed …No m possessed n m sure I deserve it

I deserve to quench this thirst in me

The thirst to burn myself up

Up until I put out every flame inside of me.