za za zsu

Butterflies don fly so high
not as high as i am tonite
m lookin for the rite words
but it all jus seems so bland
m searchin 4 my fairy tale
yea it always ends up stale
but trust me m still alive
aint waitin on no goodbye
learnt to wake up from the dead
proud to b a fool yet one more time
somebody kill me n i ll b born again
i cud b the moon eternally romantic
but still the next dawn's gonna b pathetic
don get sober its awfully real
lets live this dream until its over
say that its forever fool me take me over
cos the moon don fly but its still so high
high up in the sky n its been loved forever
pour me a lil more of ur sugar
baby cos m longin for watever
n yes u can go on n fool me
i ve grown up nuff to remind myself
butterflies don fly so high
atleast not as high as i am tonite...

Save the last dance for me

Chasin the moon i lost my shadow
as the sun is settin i c him movin away
its too late its too dark
wat was i doin tryin to fite the moon's ray
But girl now m ready to let go
do u hear ma heart singin so
I give u the best part of me
the only thing i ever had
my lost soul my dormant hope
he s too fragile too naive
handle with care love him tender
n wen i wake up gimme more of that pill
get over ma fever, m too sick of being ill
Look out then cos the hunters bak
stronger than ever, rite on track
there s a new day a fresh sunrise
but not a tear in my eyes
n i said stay strong young lady
as u watch me take home ma baby
n if u ever wonder i set him free
I kno he'd save the last dance for me

gone daddy gone ...

… n yeah I write again .. but this time I am not writing wat I think is rite or rong . I need ur opinion instead. cos I have a feelin m lost in this topic. The question is simple, how do u know he/she is the one for u? Isn’t it funny, sometimes u fall for someone head over heel, think u found ur soul mate and after the rosy days r over, the romance fades away n suddenly u feel like u don even know this person anymore or even worse to hear it from them. How wud u feel if someone u consider the love of ur life tells u mayb we shudve never been together at all? Or find someone u found a not so ur kinda guy/gal to suddenly b everythin u ever wanted. For me the grass is always greener on the other side, I always misinterpret missin something to lovin something, which cud b true but then wen u try to commit me, all I wanna do is run away and want the elusive one. Do every couple in the world stick together after the cant-take-my-eyes-off-u stage jus for the heck of it? Is marriage jus bout commitment or is there even something called love that really exists. Some ppl say they found their soul mate, if finding someone jus like u is the whole point, then y the hell do opposites attract? How long does it attract? Wat happens wen there s no more za za zsu between them.. is it fair to continue cos u promised or is it honest to move away n let them find true love.. n wats that btw? Life’s not one long honeymoon I kno that, so wat else makes a relationship work then .. how do u pin down on one person to stay with all ur life? Isn’t it scary? Jus gimme one thing which strongly decides or made u decide or u think will decide who THE ONE for u is. It doenst have to b rite or rong, its jus wat u think, enlighten me plzzz….

If only I cud turn bak time ...

Looks like i am a fortune teller ... i wrote this lil song in OCT 2004 ... exctly 2 yrs bak .. found it in my comp by chance..

Living without life

…… And my life will come to a standstill
Nothing to do; no where to go
Not a single reason to live
No target to achieve
No ladder to climb
When I’d feel guilty to eat
And too restless to sleep
No work and so no play
Would be numb & cold where ever I stay
When my half dead conscious mocks at me
Would feel like the whole world laughs at me
Thinking of that day frightens me today too
The day when my life would die before I do !!

socially dead virtually alive

An old lady just passed me by, she gave me a weird look and said ‘If I were u I wud b out in the beach havin fun!’ n gave a sweet smile, which I supposed meant ‘instead of sittin in this claustrophobic room talking to ur imaginary friends’.

When was the last time u took a pen and sat down to write on a piece of paper? I almost cant rem wen i did that after those 'eggjams' I hated in skool. I m trying to write now, I kno I have to type this later to get it on in my blog. Truth is our lives are revolving around typing, spellcheks, googling info and using fotoshop. Sometimes i get a desperate need to use control 'f' wen m tryin to search somethin in a book. They say books r the premitive form of dvds. Are we so spoilt n spoonfed today that we choose someone else to picturize a story we r told n refuse to let out imagination do the work. I have been outa the internet for the last 2 days and it feels like a decade outa the universe. But this break gave me time to think bout wats happening. I have read a lot of theories about media affecting socialization n stuff. So very true. I have no links to the world now without a laptop or a mobile. Maybe the effect is more on me cos my life is literally virtual n nothing else. But m sure there r many ppl out there who is like me or atleast getting there. Trust me its not funny wen the only way u get to talk is by typing. I realize that almost all my closest friends were found thro the internet or in contact with me cos of it. Gradually over time my socialization skills have reduced and now its almost shaking my confidence. I thought I was a very friendly person. But now m thinking twice. Really I cant make friends nemore or even sit alone n enjoy nature for a few mins. If m not connected to the world, m like a fish outa water. Gone r those days wen we were kids, hung out had fun had a real life. A telephone conversation is the closest we get to interpersonal communication n now we c every tom dick n harry with a mobile in their hand talking to god-knows-who, even funny wen they have a Bluetooth n seem like talking/engrossed in themselves while they don take a min to smile at the person walkin beside them. Life is so man-made now it seems like jus an illusion. What wud an alien lookin down from another planet think we r doin here.. ‘wat the hell is goin on in this weird planet?????????????????????’

Television doesnt really attract me but we all wud agree, every child today grows up believing wat the TV tells them the world is. Why kids, even u and me, we learn so much from movies and tv. Consciously or subconsciously something from a movie stays up in my head, I have learnt more bout everythin from relationships to crime from wat I watch or wat media projects to me. The society I imagine that I am living in, depends on the kinda media m exposed to and so are my values n principles affected/mended in the long term. When it comes to exposure, sometimes we have a choice n sometimes we jus don’t n sometimes we dono that we have a choice or wat to choose. Media does have its adv, if used in the rite way for the rite thing esp TV cos its so powerful reaching us rite in the comfort of our home. OMG y do I feel like m writing a ‘communication theory’ paper..

....anyways now the question is where is the real society? Or is there one at all? Where is cyberspace? Where r we living? Seems like a bigger mystery to me than ‘creation’ itself. This illusionary world we have got ourselves into .. how long is this gonna last? Or is it gonna get worse, first twas cinema/tv/telephone now its internet/wireless fones, wat’s the next power bomb that’s gonna send us all into a state of total virtual reality. Is this a challenge to God from man? I can create a better world than u Mister!!

ma visit to the NEW orleans

"To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years.
To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day." - Sir Winston Churchill

Mother Nature had a thoughtless day? Probably she’s as impulsive as I am n am sure she s regretting it now n feelin pretty guilty. It was August 29th 2005 n m talking bout Katrina, the deadliest hurricane in the history of US. According to Wikipedia, it is the costliest one too (81.2 billion dols in damage including 90000 sqmiles). 1836 dead, 905 missing and 3 million ppl without electricity. Alright now y am I talking bout this.. I jus had a trip to New Orleans, to b precise Slidell a town in there. Frankly, the first word I can think of is Weird! The place looked deserted, dark and scary. All broken houses open and empty, no lights, no people and open shops with broken n hanging boards. I remember reading and seeing pictures of ppl swimming and looting groceries stores for food. To be truthful, I did not take it seriously. When I see the place after exactly a year and to c its condition now, I can imagine it then! I was taken aback to c a large cemetery that covers an entire road. Mayb I was jus overwhelmed, I usually get distressed even when I hear the ambulance. These r times wen I feel y innocent ppl who have blissful lives have to b taken away wen useless ppl like me r still hanging around happily! But one wud feel its better that way than being homeless and lost, seeing the BROKEN homes. Anyways the city has a beautiful French market and the downtown looks awesome. What a contrast while the houses in Slidell r on wheels (caravan) placed in front of the X-homes which are in pieces now.


I was impressed by a banner in front of one such house that said ‘we will rebuild’, sounded rebellious to me, like a challenge to nature. The entire city seems to b under construction tho, somehow reminded me of good old Chennai… jokes apart.. I am wondering whats happening to the world, n reading up on global warming and sea level rise. Seems like by 2100, its gonna rise beyond what we can imagine. I saw this trailor for the movie An Inconvenient Truth, man it scared me!! Now I dono if I wanna watch the movie or not. Watch the trailor if u haven’t, he talks about Calcutta/Florida being under water in few years and more stronger storms in coastal areas if we keep goin on like this, here s the link http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2078944470709189270. What happens to beach lovers like me? Well tsunami din scare me, I was rite bak on the shore the very next day….

Frozen chilli

Its been beatin itself hard

Beatin so hard till it bleeds

The oozing blood’s running all over my body

Cant u c its been hurtin me so bad

Beatin n bleedin all over me

U say its gotto b that way

No its diff honey u don understand

Ur alive n dono how it feels otherwise

How funny its still beating n I feel it so well

Wen I cant find ma tongue to talk or ma hands to eat

My skin so numb n cold outside

Like my fake smile and faint eyes

But there’s a flurry inside that’s hot n burning

Am that frozen chilli ur mama asked u not to bite

Cut it if u don trust me, get a lil taste of the hell inside

Now u kno the scars u saw, r jus means not ends in itself

Look at me now can’t u c its jus a hemorrhage within

Cant pretend wen there s a bloody war in there

With peace tattooed on my skin, like I even care

Make it stop pounding n I ll stop gasping hopelessly

I keep telling her its aching, she aint gonna listen

My stupid heart keeps beatin n bleedin….

Swarna
September 2006

Raindrops n Seashore ....

Coincidences don make me believe 

Cos I belive in coincidences

But U made me believe 

A cynic love , an atheist pray.

If  I could change, then anyone may!

I have nothin to do, without u

Its easy to see, I've flown miles away from 'me'!!

Where was I before u came?

Was I alive? Was I the same?

Young or old? Warm or cold?

Rich or poor? I'm not really sure!

Music doesn’t move my soul

My home doesn't comfort

Food doesn’t make me crave 

And sleep doesn't soothe me anymore!!

I keep fallin' in n outta love

As ur smile blooms n fades

Stop playin’ those games with me 

Cos I melt like snow when u shine on me

Are u my soul mate I d been searchin’ for

Or are u jus another coincidence ....

Do I need to see u to know who ur 

Cos I already breathe u every min of every hour 

Do I need to hold u to know ur warm

Cos I already found shelter in ur invisible arm 

Do I need to tell u the words

Cos I know u know that I know that u know

This Insatiable love I got for u

Don even try to satisfy me 

Cos I aint getin nuff 

And its really gonna b tuff

Love lust and desire playing on my mood

Why are these waves, raindrops and breeze actin so rude

Though jus thinkin of u makes me warm

My lonly heart aint getin calm

If its my love for u that makes me long

Lemme know with that beautiful song!!

Swarna

September 2004

............... But all i hear is Blah Blah Blah

Exactly how many ppl have called me blah blah blah wen I m yapping away, its countless. ‘Blah’ is no more an offensive word to me. It is my fav pastime makes me lauf out loud. If ur wonderin wat the hell m blabbing, here s more blah blah 4 u http://www.blahonline.blogspot.com/. We, at Blah, offer an alternative to normalcy and a cure for the boredom created by newspapers. Not that I read any newspaper but that’s y m sure they r a big bore!! I def wud subscribe if blah came out with a newpaper. I wanted to b a journalist wen I was young (n din have a clue as to wat it is!!) Then I wanted to b a feature writer until one day I realised I cant write for nuts. Though I have no idea bout who Blah is except the info on his profile, he/they give me a complex that I can never b that funny!! Boohoo..! Somehow I feel its more like a Chennaized version of Seinfeld (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098904/ or http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/) , talkin bout nothin/laufin at ourselves/bringing out everyday facts in a humorous way. I think todays post was one of the best http://blahonline.blogspot.com/2006/09/mutton-biryani-or-briyani.html n it made me write about this funny blog which really made an impression on me. Anyways I bet u wanna read the rest of the posts in there than read me crapping bout it here ….

List of my personal fav posts

http://blahonline.blogspot.com/2006/09/sudden-art-attack-in-chennai.html

http://blahonline.blogspot.com/2006/08/captain-discovers-9th-planet-pisses.html

http://blahonline.blogspot.com/2006/08/girl-escapes-harassment-incident.html

http://blahonline.blogspot.com/2006/09/dan-browns-next-book-is-pondy-based.html

http://blahonline.blogspot.com/2006/08/prime-minister-announces-no-funny-bill.html

and here is the best of all made me rofl

http://blahonline.blogspot.com/2006/09/indian-cricketer-molested-me-says.html

Thank God I am an Atheist

Religion is comparable to a childhood neurosis.
-Sigmund Freud

Forgive, O Lord, my little joke on Thee and I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
-Robert Frost

The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
-Benjamin Franklin

I do not believe in the immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it.
-Albert Einstein

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.
-Thomas Edison

"A believer is not a thinker and a thinker is not a believer." - Marian Noel Sherman

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

Fear is the parent of cruelty, therefore it is no wonder if religion and cruelty have gone hand-in-hand.
-Bertrand Russell

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
-George Bernard Shaw

I don't think we're here for anything, we're just products of evolution. You can say 'Gee, your life must be pretty bleak if you don't think there's a purpose' but I'm anticipating a good lunch.
-Dr. James Watson

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi