Resolutions and Reflections

Guess whose bak?...errr... I mean who's bak! Feels nice to sit in office ... relax ... browse... chat and blog in peach once again! Seriously, there is no other heaven!

End of the year and i have loads to post, but i decided on doin this as my last one for the year! This blog that brought me bak to life everytime i decided to walk away and took all the bashings with no complains... deserves a lil promotion here, don ya think? Here's a small presentation on a list of posts that mean somethin to me, its a special year cos it went from a blogspot to have a domain name and will soon become a part of a site, it became what i wud proudly call 'popular' than 2007 with massive increase in readership all of a sudden in 2008... and of course the contents changed and the tone changed in this new birth... but the attitude remains :) and it always will!

Before i write bout my favourite posts... i decided to chek out my last years' new year post and resolutions... and here it is

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

Check out resolutions! man! have i followed any? u gota tell me that... but lemme see...

(resolutions cut paste from the last post is in bold and my reply to it now is in italics for ur reading convenience :))

I will believe in love once again.. will fall in LOVE once again with all faith and belief and make it the perfect relationship I was looking for

ahem.. YES.. i have made a impressive attempt at that and succeeded in believing again!

I will be a happy person; I will bring happiness to people around me. I wont get into my lonely dark world and cry out for love.

Frankly, i ve done my best on this but m sure i ve loads to improve! i stay strong, but get into swings and phases, tho not as strong or long as before and still do and need to get over it...

I will find my career in writing with confidence by writing positive, thinking creative and most of all have a good self image

You gota gimme a pat for that! I have turned this blog into somethin almost positive from a dark hole trap! and yes i am in advertising now which i never thought i will be wen i wrote that post... and 'burrp' is a heaven sent boon...!

I will take care of my health and body to feel good looking again... eat right... work out

i did i did ... but lost it somewhere in the end again ... but not giving up... doin it again!

listen to the one person who loves me unconditionally keep her happy by being happy and a good gal

NO, i didnt do that but i will take the resolution again this year, although its too late for me to prove it to her nemore :) i will try!

yes am trying to become a teetotaler (really really com’on!) and am sure I’ll achieve it soon

i kno some of my close friend who read this last year had a good lauf... what say now? No m not a teetoler... but not an impulsive abuser or a party animal nemore! i mean i don even rem the last time i got high :)

On a second thought, man! that sucks.. is this me? hey is there a new year around anytime for an excuse? :D

travel the world or atleast DREAM and plan for it and work for it

not really...i can still do it... never late.. i ve explored a lot more than i have in all the 25 years b4 this...i shud say burrp has changed my life a lot, it has inspired me and motivated like anything else.. i swear i realised it as i type this post, i ve never had responsibililty and i ve never known what my interest was ... something that made me proud of myself for the first time :)

now y did i reply that to that... watever

visit my kids often love them more find more kids and bring more happiness to myself!

NO i didnt do it.. i hate me.. i'm giving myself this year one last chance b4 i decide to hate myself for life

follow what life has taught me

I have followed this religiously this year, and giving out advices like a moral saint too!

YES! I will DREAM! I will LOVE! No force inside or outside me can stop it again and if it does m gonna throw it outa me or outa my life

YES i did dream i did love with all my heart and clearly neglected any force that even showed any signs of negativity wen i dreamt or loved... i didnt throw those outa my life but i have learnt to ignore and dream & love for my own happiness selfishly! if u kno wat i mean, else never mind!

I am sure I’ll be on my blog in 2009 Jan! Lets c if I keep up all this then I’ll b a better person definitely in love (probably married) :D with lotsa kids where ever I go.

and so here i am being the good gal that i promised to be, keepin my word and leavin to open consideration if i did follow my resolutions sincerely to you all, but yes i kno i am a better person than i was this day last year and i hope to be even better person, but the best wife, DIL and SIL at the first attempt itself hopefully :) So the probably-married part is changing to a will-be-married in this post!

The goth inside me has died for sure, although i miss her at times, i do feel its all for good, that was a time i wondered if its even possible to be happily happy and how much pleasureable can it be than being depressed! i partly believe in it now too, there is a pleasure in being depressed which once tasted is tuff to come out of, but no i don wanna hurt ppl around me nemore and m happy tht i ve started lovin happiness for a change or atleast m tryin to at most times! OK cuttin the non-sequencial train of my restless mind... lemme list my all time favourite posts here!

My first post

STAND BY ME - will always remain special to me cos its bout the closest thing to my heart, something which has such an effect, that ur opinion can make or break my relationship with u

Not man enuff for me - that was my first controversial post, i kept in my draft for days and finally wented out the frustration with the courage to post it, tho there were a lot more horrible ones that took over, but first always feels good!

No means maybe Yes .... - Speaks a lot bout me and my weaknesses

I don believe in 'Life After Death' - startin of a phase i went thro... i dread those dark days even to read on words now!

socially dead virtually alive - something to ponder!

Raindrops n Seashore .... - wen i fell in love...

Frozen chilli - one of my favourite dark poetry

za za zsu - i love crushes!

Quotable quotes by Sansmerci - :P

MAn! i feEl LikE a wOmaN !! - short and sweet post!

i cant write for nuts .. u FOoooooooools!! ... y d... - u really have to read this, takes just a second... trust me... duh! me and my mood swings..

Who broke my penance of death ??? - wen i hit rock bottom!

Flirtin death - truly from goth!

rEbOrN 2 lIvE tHiS dEatH aGaiN? - very short but not so sweet post!

Wanna know how long u gonna live? - this gets the highest hits on my blog! i dono y!

BUT in Chennai! - that brought loads of attention

Forgive me spiderman, for i think otherwise! - i simply like it for the title, i am a genius uh! ;)

Wise men say only fools rush in... - seriously nobody understood this one liner post, so i like it!

A letter to my 18-year-old self - i tagged myself and jus poured my heart out!

Torn apart..... - somethin i thought noone will understd, but i was surprised at the response!

i jus realised most of my favourites are from older posts, recent posts seem more commercial eh! and the epitome of it i shud say is this one....

Push up my bra like that, Porno Paparazzi girl... - needs a special mention cos ... its a post strongly sayin that its not just sex that sells and the post by itself proved it rong, it gets me readers and hits from every tiny town in some corner in the world every single day like noother post ever has for me, jus cos of the words used in the title, yea its the sex that sells this post more than anyother in my blog! A true oxymoron in itself!

And yes i wanna tell u my favourite comments too! wait wait... don run away... i kno m already yappin for too long... so instead m gonna pass on this award given to me by Reflections to my favourite commentators, her rules are simple

Display the Award in your page
Award them to your favourite commentators.
Ask them to forward it to their favourite commentators.
And dont forget to link their page to their names.

I wud like to thank all my readers but specially thank the commentators who take an effort to leave their opinion n motivate me and this award is for the extra special people who are here regularly makin me feel alive and important, so i kno i am not blabbering to myself here, i do have an audience for the crap i write ... So here we go, this is for u for puttin up with me :)

anoobhooti - Renu! am sure she knows this is comin to her first! i was unknown, unsettled, unorderly and almost felt unwanted in this blogosphere until i knew that she'll be among the first few to comment... n i try to watch my language too for her :) (ah can u believe i jus said that?)... and yea she is my lucky charm, somehow after she started makin visits, this place has become a picnic spot :) my circle of blog friends has increased invariably!

mysoor pak conversations - Edita... i dono this felt nice, she actually mentions my name in her blog and says i motivate her, seriously love the way u write comments like i mean a lot ... wen i wonder if i actually did mean anything at all!

The fat lady's rantings - Tess! came outa the blue, first person who caught me on orkut, made me feel like a celeb!! tho now i have most of my blogmates on FB or orkut ... felt good the first time... hurray! somebody actually read me and wanted to kno me personally, howzzat?

Reflections - i asked for this award and she jus happily handed it over to me, what other reason do i need? haha... frankly, a very good source of encourgement thro her regular comments!

Psychedelic - i shudve mentioned her first as always, but she been busy lately :P but m sure she's one of the very few committed visitors and commentators on my blog from day 1 i mean post 1!

Nautankey's Stage - i shud confess, i was actually thinkin its a 'she' wen i read his comments, then i knew its a 'he' wen i read his blog, i was surprised... no offence to guys... but its true, i can make out a male comment from a female comment... but seriously this was deceptive, but thts wat i like bout it!... my latest commentator but a loyal, genuine and unbiased one at that!

Multimenon - Ah how did u slip my mind! sorry multi, tho this comes late to him.. i kno hes totally worth it being a regular motivator at my blog here! and m sure he ll be there this year too! and yea thanks for writing EVERYTIME :) without fail...

VJ - i cant link vj cos he doesnt have a blog, so i had mention in the end, tho it hudve been on the top otherwise! Someone who has always been here and who i kno will always b! and no matter what s*** i write, it ll be a frank and honest opinion on it for sure.. so that i ll kno what to do next time! the blog wudnt have passed even the first yr without ur support :)

B - there's nothin like hearin from the other half, i jus love every bit of wat he has to say to me good or bad... who takes an extra effort to kno me better? i mean even better? and more better!

ahh.. that has come to become a longer post than i intended to make it into... but i still feel incomplete....did i forget something? ... hmmm...did i?....

oh yea Happy New Year! Have an awesomeeeeeeeeee 2009!

This will be a special year for me, i will be born again as a new person with a new family to take care of! i hope and wish it will be a special year for you too, in a way or the other for sure!

c ya all next yr.... muaaaaaaaah :)

Who says you cant go home?

As the humid salty and hot early morning wind blew swiftly across my hair and face wakin me up bak to reality... bak home... bak to life or lets say my life.. or even better wen i say my kinda life...i almost instantly started typin in my mind... this post... the one on Chennai and the feelings and emotions associated with it ... CUT! (i did try writing like a writer... didnt i?... no? ok forget it...lets continue b4 i lose sequence once again :D)

i kno i kno.. m a drama queen.. i jus been outa the place for a month or a lil more now and i already feel nostalgic wen i get bak there for a couplea days.. But man! home is home rite? i felt the same way after i returned there in '06 too.. a place ive never left for more than 2 days.. i left for a year and a half... everyone said i ll start to hate it once i leave it.. but i only fell in love with it more.. in its absence or my absence in it.. and comfort'll spoil u eh? whoever says home's not comfortable? is, according to me, an emotional orphan...

This time the problem was a different one! My train to Chennai is at 11 45 PM in Cauvery Express and i casually watch the news (which btw in itself is news!) and the headlines go like1. Tight security in airports and railway stations (rite after mumbai attacks!), many flights were cancelled, 2. the water level (esp in my area) in Chennai after cyclone 'Nisha' was still horrible and ppl were travelin by boat, and there was a cyclone threat the very next day wen i had booked my return ticket!, 3. the babar masjid thingie was on that day....ahm.. Dec 6th i guess? and so there was for threat in public places...no wonder! and 4. was the best..our very own cauvery issue and there was some problem being created in trains between no-points-for-guessing where? Bangalore and Chennai of course (Remember Cauvery Express?) ... When everyone said i need to cancel my tickets! There i stood... brave and patriotic :P WHO SAYS I CANT GO HOME? After all i was there so many years and ppl are scarin me from goin there for a day? i went, i suvived and am bak! with all ur blessings i must add :P

Ah! i never want religion or politics in my blog thts the main reason i never wrote bout even the cruel mumbai incident... but somehow it peeps in.. i truly hate these subjects partly due to irritation and partly due to my ignorance which u wud be knowing by now!

So now comin bak to Namma Chennai ... as soon as i got down in the chennai central station, wow! the smell of chennai, hated by many, i jus took a deep breath... m homeeeeeeeeee! and the notorious autoguys! how can someone even start writing a post on Chennai without a reference to them? As they approached me buggin like pests to give them a share of my non-existant fortune to drop me home... i usually bark bak releasing half of my frustration from the journey... but this time i gave a knowing smile.. that meant so much to me... things like oh-how-i-missed-this and gosh-this-never-changes...and a lot more! Yea i kno the auto guys must've thought m nuts or i din understand tamil or m another tourist to milk from! .. duh who cares? there's a flashback already reeling in my head...my eloquence in Chennai Tamil, my days of outsmarting the smart auto guys.. my rides to office... my fites with the auto stand group and my pride in marchin away from them ... (well u'll never kno the kidnap and rape scenes that run in my head wen m doin the forward march... hmm unless u do some sorta psychic reading or read this post now of course!)

...and wen the auto started and sped away 15 kms in 10 mins! the humid salty hot wind blowin against my hair...reminded me once again... this speed.. this rush.. i missed it.. everything seems slower wen m not in Chennai... life comes to a full stop or at times some dots like this... a very long one in that...even the autos are freakin slow leave alone missin my dear bikey ... sometimes i jus feel like gettin out and walkin along with the 'ricks' in bangalore! People say m too damn fast, i need a speed breaker... now i kno where i got it from.. its in the blood i c, its in the brought up! Who else brought me up u think? Other than the city that made me so strong, taught me to be shrewd and told me that am capable... and whatever and everything that is i am today... i can survive and adapt to any place with the lessons learnt from this place called Home... where my heart always is... and will be...

So i say with pride today... u can take the gal outa the city, but u can never EVER take the city outa the gal! WHAT SAY?

PS: Before you ask me or come to a decision about my 'titling' skills, why do i name mosta my posts after a song? One, cos it easily comes to my head, two, cos it gets a lota hits and brings in new readers from google...i kno wat ur thinkin...shameless! :P

Outta the Blue...

Beep Beep

Busy?

Beep Beep

What will a single woman be busy with at this time in the nite?

Beep Beep

(Absolutely outa the blue) Do you think Indian women are less Virile?

Beep Beep

Duh wat? (bad vocab for a copywriter i kno i kno :))

Beep Beep

... are they less horny?

Beep Beep

whatever makes you think so?

Beep Beep

It's just a general opinion

Beep Beep

I dont think so and its too huge an issue to be generalised so easily!

Beep Beep

I am not generalising but it jus seems so

Beep Beep

i think talkin bout sex esp by women has been considered a taboo in Indian society and that makes women shut up when they feel horny but that doesnt make them any less hornier than ur and i don think its the case anymore.. infact women are becomin too open about their sexuality these days much beyond men do..don u watch movies.. y r u thinkin so conservative.. wat makes u think so.. i think ur judgin on the basis of someone u kno? Do you think its good that they are less horny or do u have a prob with it? and what is rong if they are.. its not that they are.. but i strongly feel that u need to wake up to the present... times have changed and u have to agree... Ding! SMS limit reached

Trin Trin Trin

Me: Hello?

snakecharmer: Wow u actually picked up a call? Are you ok? why do u get so tensed for this?

Me: i am not a 'fone' person u kno...fone calls make me feel weird! i can yap away in person ...or am better on sms or even better online! i've already started bloggin bout this in my head!

snakecharmer: Man i wudnt write such a thing in my blog...

Me: There u go... so ur less hornier than i thought eh!

snakecharmer: Cme'on Sans... my parents'll read my blog.. my cousins will.. my bro will!

Me: So what.. so does my mother.. so will my MIL soon! What else is bloggin there for.. and how do to expect ppl to be interested in ur blog otherwise?

snakecharmer: hmm...why dont you write on how not to flirt with women? i'm sure u've met numerous guys who've hit on u having absolutely no idea how to do it!

Me: i cant write on a given topic! i suck at it!

snakecharmer: Trust me Sans .. u'll write very well on it and it'll be an instant hit!

Me: silent

snakecharmer: How about this? "How to give men sleepless nights" atleast dont say u dont know how to do that!!!!

Me: yea rite!

snakecharmer: Trust me, it will make an interesting piece for ur readers... i've tasted both beauty and wine and wud say without a doubt that beauty is more intoxicating than wine...

Me: silent

snakecharmer: Man! what does a man have to do to prove himself in these situations...

Me: silent

snakecharmer: (giving up) Hmm ok I think u shud jus stick to wat u do best?

Me: and that is ...?

snakecharmer: FLIRT!

Bang!

Beep Beep

Ok now tell me ... Wassup????

What am tryin to say? well first and foremost.. i ve forgotten how to write a post! been busy.. yea u read it rite .. for a change i was busy with work.. and squeezin in time to read other blogs now and then ... and yea i've been thinkin wat to blog on but hell cudnt get anything at all.. i need a lota inspiration i see. the more happier my life's gettin the worst my words are gettin ... now i dono if i shud hope for a better life or for better words? it is a tuff decision i tell u .. knowin how much my words mean my life to me!

Anyways the above conversation raised a lot of 'whys' in my head which i thought i ll put down here since i have nothin else to write about and i dont want this blog to be forgotten until my brain resumes bak to actually writing something read-worthy, if it ever does...

So here it goes:

Why are women who speak bout their sexuality casually considered an outcast? or are they even considered so anymore?

Why is that a man who is not horny nuff incapable but a woman who is too horny a whore?

Why is SMSing/chattin and blogggin more comfortable to express views and opinions? Or is it just me?

Why do women never believe men and men always wanna prove themselves?

Why is beauty considered more intoxicating than wine? or is it not?

Why do people generalize so much? Is it impossible to not judge? i mean i am already generalising here!

Why are grown-ups scared to let out their opinion in public? Who are we hiding those public secrets from?

Why do conversations between the opposite genders always involve something that is considered not-so-appropriate to be considered interesting?

Why am i not good at anything else but flirting?

Why the hell do i care?

PS: I am having a painfully severe block, can u suggest something i am good at writing so i can refresh my blog from the next post making it read-worthy? or mayb u suggest i take this as a sign and shut down this blog for good and give you some peace eh?

Tagged with a difference!

Singaporean Indian tagged me but since i ve already done the tag, he has graciously let me flick one of his old tags that i liked a lot :) So here it goes... trust me .. u ll enjoy this more since there less blah blah of mine in this one for a change :D

The rules are simple:
Answer the questions below and do a Google image search on your answer, pick a picture from the results on the first page, with minimal explanation (alrite i get ya.. no BSing around!)

1.) The age you will be in your next birthday: 26

Yea Rite!

2.) A place you’d like to travel to: London

Beautiful!

3.) Your Favorite place: Home

Cute eh? :D

4.) Your favorite food/drink: Eggs/Iced Tea


HAHA!


Awwwwwwww!

5.) Your Favorite pet : babies are considered pets? i prefer human to animals!

Naaaa.. Not really :P

6.) Your favorite color combination: Blue and white!

Duh! wat?

7.) Your favorite piece of clothing: Shorts and tee

Ok now i didnt do this to get more traffic.... damn i shudve said swimsuits ;)

8.) Your all time favorite song: Krptonite by 3 doors down

Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha... roflmao!

9.) Your favorite TV show: Seinfeld Of Course!

Gosh i din kno which pic to select in this one.. all were so funny.. was actually tempted to see the second page and cheat... but swear i didnt.. anyways settled for this one... oh sorry.. i am supposed to keep it short :)

10.) Full name of your significant other: Hmm lets call him Brat :)

uh! that actually reminds me of my bro.. how true of big bros eh?

11.) The town in which you live in : Chennai, and now Bangalore.. so which one?

That explains the traffic!

so u kno wats what :)

12.) Your screen name/nickname: You kno it!

Holy crap... who dat??? :)

13.) Your First job: Frost & Sullivan

Why? Why???????????

14.) Your Dream job: M living my dream job - an ad copywriter

:P

15.) Bad Habit you have: Shout at mom

How true :D

16.) Your worst fear: Being unloved

Now who drew my mind and posted it on google images?

17.) The one thing you’ll like to do before you die: Build an orphanage

same to u man...now wait ...is that a good sign?

18.) The first thing you’ll buy if you get $1,000,000: Two tickets for a trip around the world...

OK! THANKS!

ahh its over! ok now wat?

PS: tagging - anoobhooti , Reflections, The fat lady's rantings, mysoor pak conversations, Inexplicably, The Multi Menon Chronicle, Obscurity Speaks , The Praveen , Psychedelic, It Belongs To Man To Err!!! , Frankly Speaking and the very new entry Ma Silly Blog!

Back BUT from BANGalore!

Hello pplzzzzzzzzzz

i c u missin me bad eh ... i ve been missin internet n blogsphere bad too!... reason: 1. the rain, 2. the diwali, 3. the bangalore and 4. the wedding :)

Firstly, the rain... will u believe me if i told u it took me 4hrs and 15 mins to reach less than 15 kms (from nungambakkam to velachery)? well if u don here is a photo story i did on the same... chek it out!

http://picasaweb.google.com/sansmerci/TheJourney#

Check it out n tell me how it is?

i, for a change din curse my bike, my fate and the ppl around but sat in an autorickshaw, took pics and had fun in the flood! seriously... the anti-anxiety pills r workin eh ???... ofcourse it does at least on my appetite!... hope i don gain bak all the kgs i lost ... i jus started lookin mlike myself again after all the med stoped..uff again..atleast not for the next few months until .. until i am no more single and (may or maynot be) available ......oh yes! thats the big news i wanted to share in the last but one post... and thats the point number 4 in there 'the wedding' is on feb 22nd '09 :) and m already on my toes running around for it since point number 3 happened i.e., i had to rush to bangalore.. where i am rite now n will b for some time i guess... the point 2 is understood i guess.. but this time diwali was special and so much fun after say 10 yrs? i was a kid again and hope to b ever after from now on :)

I hope m not a runaway bride since m sinkin knee-deep in cold feet... that shud b called a cold leg i guess..i jus dono wat the future holds.. as of now m excited bout the weddin than the marriage.. if u kno wat i mean..n if at all i have to b married after the wedding.. for that sake.. i can compromise ;)...but on a serious note (if it sounds so)... i really am lookin for a miracle... to either change my mindset or my life.. as of now the docs taken over again... no m not bak to help to my kryptonite.. i guess i ve grown up for good...

With that note i wud like to finish two of my leftover tags... sorry ppl for this late compliance.. but u shudve known sooner or later i will do it.. the love i ve for tags and talkin bout myself...

Psychedelic tagged me to write 4 random things about myself.. boo.. i write so many random things bout myself all the time that half of u cnt make sense of.. anyways since she asked for it and i don like disappointing friends :P.. here it goes...

random 1: i talk too much to many people and too little to some people.. i dono y.. but wen i talk its jus random with no sequence of thought or logic.. i jus don think .. one topic to another i jus have to spill it all out else i ll feel so heavy and incomplete and kinda disoriented.. i dono .. i really dono y!

random 2: i have a very low self esteem but very high self confidence...don ask me how.. am askin myself too!

random 3: i am very very i mean really clumsy.. i cant behave.. m worse than a kid.. i cant eat without spillin my food.. i cant walk without tripping.. shit m a slapstick freakin clown..m not comfy in anything but casuals ...so not elegant to be called a gal... and can easily be befriended and also laufed at by any kid below 5..

random 4: i cant write wen under pressure, i jus cant ... and if m forced to i get tears and i hate myself for being a bad writer that i start thinkin of other career options... but wen nobody bothers me the words jus flow outa my bloody head for no reason.. n i jus bug ppl to read it ... n i jus get so proud of myself and my life...

Now Anoobhooti tagged me to write 5 of my addictions, now thats simple and even u cud answer it if u jus hit 5 random posts of mine int he last 2 yrs... anyways....

Addiction 1: OFCOURSE the internet, i live on it, eat and sleep internet.. wen i don have access, i feel like my life line is cut and i mite die any minute.. yes i can live without oxygen but not the net.. i have no real friends.. n all my used-to-be real friends if any i ever had are in touch only thro it.. no internet.. no merci.. no swarna...

Addiction 2: Love and pampering.. i cant be without being loved and pampered ..the min i feel m not loved i start questionin my existence and decide otherwise.. dangerous and emotional addiction.. but beyond my control..mayb thats y i jus cant stay single even for a day ...

Addiction 3: substances yes! but no! i mean its like on andoff wen m really emotionally down .. i jus need somethin to get me either high or low... i cant deny it... n i wont.. but i ve absolutely got over it... alcohol is not my thing tho.. it used to b.. wen i m happy or sad to celebrate or to drown myself in it...but my kryptonite viz. my happy pills have and will always be my weakness.. the min u hurt me its the first thing on my mind for help.. i shud say i ve got over it partially... n ofcourse the heavenly cancer-stiks used to be my first love... which is nomore too (like anyother love of mine)... but then u ll never forget ur first love rite?... these were my addictions .. so at present i jus live in past glory :) if thats an addiction.. but substance addiction in someway or other.. say atleast on binging food will always remain with me..

Addiction 4: Comin to simpler things... lets say shopping is an addiction.. abusin my cc is my pastime... kids and playin with em is an addiction..i jus cant leave any kid and go home. .. m greedy n i want them all... giving is an addiction.. i keep buyin ppl something.. i keep doin something for someone no matter wat... or how they treat me ... i keep tryin to impress ppl.. satisfy everyone... its a very bad addiction and i ll never get over it... i fall in love and get crushes so easily ... guys are an addiction.. more than that gals are an addiction.. there are so many times i wish i was a guy ... they r jus fabulous n so not mine.. but yea i keep tryin additively to befriend them... food is a big time addiction.. i kno i eat very poor but i jus need to keep tastin variety and this obssession is insatiable too.. but yea it paid off in the form of burrp and blogs tho...

Addiction 5: Doin em tags are an addiction in itself ... yea u got me...i just cant think nemore...

alwrite i ll shut up ... so now u kno ....next time u tag me u ll think twice eh :)

My sansmerci.in domain is expiring in a month, since m gonna b mrs. brat in feb... i'm really confused bout my identity just like i ve no clue bout my own personality.. shud i stay the same or shud be what i shud b .. but then wat is it that i shud b?... i ve a poll on the rite side... choose what u think i shud choose plz :) so my id and my address will change (or not change) from 2009 according to your wish....

shuttin up until next time ......

Torn apart.....

Here's another short post that follows the very long one....

I need help choosin between two options again, its a life decision and i hope u'all can help..before i put forward THE Question! lemme add a lil more gyan on the topic so it doesnt become incomprehensible like last time...

But to express... i've lost the flair to write poetry... i thought its cos my dark days are over... and i cant write for nuts wen m happy or sober... not that i ve been really happy.. but yes i ve been too sober... but hey think m getting bak there.. so for starters lets let papa roach and linkin park sing for me ....

The current tracks playing on the playlist o' ma head is...

I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
i Don't know what you are expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware,
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

and....

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand....

when papa roach wrote this song,they wudnt have even imagined that its so for me and it will have the honor to appear on my blog... :)

Now help me ...

Tell me whats more painful ....

A bad liver?

or

A broken heart?

For ppl who cant form ur words (jus like i cant)... i've got a poll on the side, choose the option that you would rather stay with..

PS: Sorry this was supposed to be a short post rite? ... duh! i've become so eloquent :P

A letter to my 18-year-old self

I almost forgot how it feels to write a post. I have been so much bloghopping these days (and takin care of my second baby cruly ignoring the first) that i almost din realise that its been long since i posted here.. while my lil baby here was carryin the promotion for my foodie blog with no complains :) this post has been long pending.. by which i mean really long wen i read this post 'a letter to my 18-year old self' in Ritu's blog, searched for blogs with that post and read many bloggers who have done a lot of introspection by doin this little exercise.. seriously i wanted that relief in myself i decided to tag myself on it.. but never had the time to post that...

So here it goes... (a blush jus creeped into my face... gosh wat am i turnin into :O.. ive actually lost my sense of i-don-give-a-damn writing.. ok now thats another post by itself on how subconsciously writers start writing FOR their readers.. even if they rebel not to...oh oh lost track! .... )

Dear Swarna

First of all, who the F*** do u think ur? sorry for sucha rude start, i kno am elder to u and i need to teach u how to speak with respect, hell no.. this is how ur language will grow.. as u get older.. the more life frustrates u the more fs in ur language increase invariably... but seriously who do u think ur? earth to girly! Come down to the 'real world' whre u ll be welcomed with a lot or stones and rotten eggs soon... You aint no beauty queen.. you aint no conquerer of the world.. u not gonna rule any kingdoms.. u not gonna have princes fallin outa horses to their knees to woo u...

I am sure u have learnt quite a lot in last 2 years, havent u? Rem this, Life aint one big honeymoon, dont keep fallin for romantic losers who lose their romance faster than their head.. n this attention u get.. wont last forever..u mite think guys are at ur disposal today, u will die for a word or touch of love in future.. well stop searchin for true love.. accept love wen shown to u.. too much searchin will end up in total waste of time and ur life.. in the end no use regreting hurting and losin someone who u think is the one... wen u actually grow up and realise who ur and what u need...it mite b too late to have that someone u missed! well no m not even tlkin bout the person ur callin ur bf now.. yea u ll give ur life for him today and go against the world for him .. tomo he ll mean nothin to u .. as much u wont recognise him when u see him on the same street as urs... trust me but life goes on... and if not virtually single.. u will find lonliness and the feelin of being unloved ur company for life ... get used to it .. well u wont even kno wat i mean now.. hmm i think i wud jus say enjoy the love and attention that u get an overdose of to the jealousy of others.. u ll soon b a loser for life...

n hey don worry about studyin in a school for a college .. u ll soon enjoy the best college days of anyones life ...u will actually have real 'friends' in life!.. how does it feel to be at the peak of a hill and the hit the valley.. yes get ready for the best 2 yrs of ur life and then hit rock bottom.. i wish u don make the rong decisions u do.. but then eveything happens for good and i can only say don lose hope and never HATE anyone no mtter wat... n if u hurt someone ... don regret too late..wat goes around comes around .. n b ready for it.. u f***in deserve it.. well life's not a big honeymoon honey m tellin u yet again..there r no fairy tales or happy endings.. not everyone understds ur language of love.. do not overrate it...do not overlong for it... stop trusting ur mom on unconditional love .. its not true.. u don get it.. u cant give it without being taken for granted and fooled.. somehow it works only with moms..

Learn to sleep! whatever trbl u mite face.. b independant.. u gonna have a lota trbl due to not learning these two things .. emotional dependancy is not something to b proud of.. jus cos ur not financially dependant... dependancy is a syndrome.. (on substance or people) ..a disease u ll b treated for.. and yea dreams....if u think thts wat makes ur life go on.. then stop living rite away cos not all dreams come true (infact u ll come to a stage u ll forget how it feels to dream).. STOP DREAMING! GET REAL! No u will not have that dream house by the beach ur dreamin of, but u wont even have a house of ur own.. oh well first of all u shud have a life of ur own..hehe.. u dono wat the opposite of freedom is today.. u ve been brght up oh-so-broadminded and free of any restrictions.. wonderin how it ll b if u don have the basic freedom to live life the way u want to? oh man! and get ready for some dark days.. accidents.. a lot of heart breaks..and i mean a lot of! No u have no idea wat that means now.. well u ll have ur share of everything...in the end it is fun m tellin u.. how many times do u think u ll flirt with death? take a guess? m i scarin u too much? ... duh! i think u shud b happy that ur life ll b a lot eventful than ur plannin it to b...

Do not take what u learnt from ur relationship to the next.. its not the same always.. Don lose ur friends u can never ever get em bak.. don break relationships easily it can never ever patch bak like it used to be.. gettin it bak is like stickin a glass together.. if u kno wat i mean.. Stop over reacting to things.. stop havin opinons there'll b a time they wont count nemore..and if u don have the strength to stand for wat u rebel against,.,.. freakin shut up.. don keep cribbing bout it.. n hey u WILL lose all ur energy to rebel against anything in life.. trust me U WILL SUCCUMB.. u'll be jus another gal compriomising her values for normal life (which as far as i kno u've not had until 2008, yes u will believe to have it in future) .. u ll b JUST ANOTHER PERSON.. nothin special..nothin unique.. jus anther hypocrite living in the face of earth..awww! whats that look on ur face.. kinda familiar to me..hmm... do u feel like hittin me with a brick? hate me? face it! I am YOU in a few years from now on :)..

Since u beg me i tell u some good things i can think of.. hmm .. hmm.. i think ur overrating love and the goodness of giving love unconditionally will pay off someday .. don give it up .. m sure u wont even if ur beaten out to hell.. being the loser tht ur... well somewhere down my heart.. i believe in it sweetheart .. oh oh.. lets delete these lines... oh yea one more good thing of ur unrestrained galivanting around the city n eating in every nook and corner will pay off.... wonderin how? anythin done with passion gives good results trust me n love ur city that u hate now.. u gonna do it by default soon and the city will love u bak nuff for it.. n u wont believe this if i tell u .. but after all the shit u ve been thro and lost hope on ur career and talent (there'll be a point wen u think mayb ppl r rite.. if ur a good student.. u need to be a doc or engineer.. haha!) .. U WILL BECOME A WRITER! ok fine dont believe me :P dumb gal...!!!! (do i see a smile? :P)

But hey since i do love u as a child i would like to give some advice to ...i ll tell u one secret u need to kno to hold on to ur life strongly..which u will lauf at me now for.... u mite hate ur bro .. u mite think ur moms a nobody.. but if u will have something to live for in future... it will be.. YOUR FAMILY.. nothin else is urs.... u ll kno it pretty soon...

PS: Get over ur dad.. that could be the first step u can do to fix ur life.. u will never be able to fill his space and thats the freakin truth ..

Your's truly
Sansmerci (No u dint change ur name in the Gazette, its jus an evolved form of ur f***ed up head)

Alrite! Uff! Does it feel gr8 to get bak to my kinda writing? Yes it does.. rem those days wen i jus write the flow of my head without thinkin who's readin and what ll they think..but now that i ve a diff circle of blog friends.. acutally everyone from every age and class and attitude.. i dono what me and my blogs becomin.. i cud write more freely wen i wasnt judged...well this time i realised i shud b myself and this one place i got where i can use as a friend wen m down and happy... Oh! thinkin of happy.. Yes i do have somethin to share wth everyone ... but hey not in this ugly post .. lets save it for the next one!

Disclaimer: This post was not meant to hurt anyone or blame anyone for my life.. its purely a letter to myself about the many mistakes 'I' and only 'I' have committed in life and the lessons learnt thro these yrs thro many events and many ppl and many phases ..

Now for ppl who want to introspect.. i wud so love to read what each of u have to say to ur 18-year old self.. do u dare to take it up?

The Chennai Foodie!

Yelloooooooooooo all!

Two reasons to rejoice now..

Finally i woke up to the fact that i can actually write reviews worth publishing on a separate blog of its own.. initially as a means of saving all my work.. now m workin on building it as another blog useful to readers :) so obv my first notice is to my fella bloggers here who has made this blog come alive.. i mean really alive!

So here it is
chennaifoodreviews.blogspot.com

I will be writing reviews on places in chennai thats related to food and drink, could be anywhere from le royal meridien to thattu kada.. so all u foodies out there plz buzz me (in here) to add to my blogroll ... i wud love to make more friends there...

i am placing a widget in my blog's side bar so u ll kno my latest posts there.. as u all kno this is kinda my passion.. both writing and food..n i hope its a success :)

So welcome to my blog on chennai restaurant reviews, anytime u plz..do pass on the word too! i have two posts there already. .. looking fwd to ur comments...



BUT most of all, when am celebrating the birth of my second baby :) my 2 yr old here has won a million dollar cheque from Tessie! That's double celebration now aint it? Thanks a million Tessieeeeeeee, u made my day .. actually u made the whole week for me.. y else will i get motivated to start a new blog! In fact, thanks all of u for encouraging me so much...



Yay! I jus realised i ve reached more than 15000 hits ... reason 3!!!!

I warned ya!

I knew it! I saw it comin.. lotsa tags in the offing.. i kno ur all already gettin bored in there. but hey i ve been tagged by ma blogymates.. n i respect their love for me.. n my love for myself :P So here goes one more tag.. guess m the last one to do this since i kno mosta the ppl on my blogroll n done with it ...

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Well, at 18 i believed in forgiving and forgetting and cryin to myself, at 20 i said fuck off, at 22 i rushed outa imaginary fears, at 24 i needed medical help, marching towards 26 i ve learnt to trust blindly and 'deaf'ly to save myself from heart breaks :) .. thats the makin of a loser :D

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be
hmm... to hold my 'very own' baby in my hand for the first time? m sure my heart'll stop that moment!...

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
my very own .. i jus cant stand myself sometimes...is it possible ?

4. What would do with a billion dollars?
Use it to pay my CC every month :D for the rest of my life..

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I always did .. n it never worked .. but i still believe in it :)

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
definitely being loved by someone.. cos its a rare commodity atleast to me.. its the worst curse to love someone n not be loved bak the same way.. but it takes no supernatural power (blessing) for me to show love to someone .. otherway is not in my hands :(.. whoever said loving someone is better than being loved.. must ve never given as much love in his life ...

Mother Teresa said ' The worst poverty in the world is lonliness and the feeling of being unloved and unwanted'..

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
exactly the same question i ve been askin myself everyday ... any suggestions?

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Depends.. if hes a friend, i ll flirt very obviously to his gf's jealousy.. if hes a friends bf, i ll flirt obviously to my friends jealously... so there is no secretly liking thingie here..

On a serious note.. i think 'who likes who mutually' matters more than 'who is in a relship with who'.. if its true.. i ll go ahead n work it out no matter wat.. yea m a strong women wen i type :D
In reality.. i cried ...i whined.. i let him go with a 'hey-m-so-happy-for-u' smile ..

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Love to every kid in the world.. in every sense of the word..

10. What takes you down the fastest?
an elevator? :P ... indifference shudve been my answer.. i am a preacher of love and i consider that word our enemy...

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
I dont want to c 10 yrs from now.. if i have to then i want to c myself as being called the best mother in the world by my kids :)

12. What’s your fear?
i feared a life with no ambition no love no excitement no ppl no motivation no interest to carry on .. no feelings.. no dreams.. i don fear it nemore..

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
i've been tagged by renu, shes a very sweet and a very level headed person ..
and by Inexplicably she is a very loving mother who can write to melt your heart out..

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Oh that question again! what makes u think i ll choose the former?

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
the one who doenst look at his watch and doesnt own a TV.. have all the time in the world for me

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
i dono.. i always think i do .. but only i think so

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
i think yes.. do i have a choice?

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
gosh! again... i ve never been single since i was 16 .. so i dono how it feels otherwise.. i wish i cud..
naaaaaaaaaaa

i am not tagging neone .. i mite get killed if i do .. anyway most ppl have done it already.. lets move on n talk something more like Push up my bra like that, Porno Paparazzi girl... so i get more hits and more comments :P

Get ready for a tag marathon....

Tessie tagged me .. n here it is.. some more stuff bout ME .. another of those posts i love to write more than you like to read :)

Shoooooooooooooooot

What have you realized recently?
You can be just a someone in the world to someone who means the world to you, expecting life to treat u fairly coz u been good is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

Have you given your first kiss away?
You are almost a decade too late...

If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 11 blog buddies you would take?
does this include only ppl who write blogs or ppl who visit my blog regularly? i think it'll b VJ sne and B ... to b first on my mind.. n if ur talkin bout jus the blogging ppl.. lemme c ..
Renu (so i dont stray away), Niya (hoping she ll bring along yummy food!), salil (for his sense of humor), edita (a lawyer will always help :P), Tess (definitely for tagging me)... ay there s big list in here.. cant u jus go down n chek my blogroll :D

Where is the place you want to go the most?
Frankly, where i feel home and loved and pampered and cared for.. seriously, its too tuff to live elsewhere after being a queen for 25 yrs at home.. thre's no place like home!

If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?
I have been trained vigorously to think that to dream is to sin .. so NO.. lets jump to next..

Do you believe in seeing the rainbow after the rain?
Nop.. i am more used to seeing horrible roads filled with pits of dirty smelly water after the rain... but yea i still love the rain :D the romantic fool that i am

What are you afraid of losing the most now?
This moment if you ask me.. m afraid of losing my family once i have a new one :( i always thought its easy to have both .... cold feet i can sense!

If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Visit London.. and europe maybe... build an orphange with a lotaaaaaaaaaa kids (after comin bak ofcourse) and settle in it for life happily! :)

If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
I cant just meet someone i love, that word means a lot more than that.. n i guess if i love someone that much i shud b knowin them that well.. and in that case .. it wud obv to him/her n the world than me confessing it to him/her.. esp. if its her :D

oh n if u were askin bout crushes... i jus love to confess it.. thats the best feeling ever..don rem the last time i went thro it...man am i gettin old :( n most of all the ego-hurt feelin of makin the first move follows.. beautiful... wen done over n over again! wat a loser i sound like!

List out 3 good points about the person who tagged you
I dono much bout Tess she's relatively a new blogging buddy... lemme try tho...
1. very friendly.. she jus bloghopped n bumped into me.. n now shes on my orkut! that's fast friend-making!
2. great writer.. really like her style.. i don add neone to my blogroll unless i love it ...
3. personally.. from wat i read from her posts.. seems to b a cute lil gal .. love her about me lines and random everyday thoughts ... (read the posts around her wedding.. so real n cute!)

What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
love me .. in the sense of it.. love being with me .. spending time with me .. miss me..long for me.. make me feel special.. loved wanted and important in his life... most of all appreciate the lil things i do for him.. i wud give my life n more for a sweet word or two.. he better kno this weakness of mine cos it generally makes or breaks my relship with anyone!

naa.. i'll b a nice gal n say..i expect nothin but love from him.. which yea means the same as above!

What type of people do you hate the most?
Slowly.. as life moves on... gradually.. m starting to hate PEOPLE as such!

What is the one thing you can’t live without?
ist it obv .... LOVE!

If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
i am not tryin to be politically correct or nething but i ll rather have ppl point it out to me than me makin a fool outa myself by continuing my faults..but yea def the way in which it shud b conveyed matters...

Are you a shopaholic or not?
my CC is so abused.... its needs psychiatric help now!

Find a word to describe the person who tagged you
I dono her so well yet.. but i am wonderin why she calls her blog the fat lady's ranting .. wen the blog actually gives a feel of a bubbly young gals vibes!

If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
The part that hurts my mom ... n everyone i love for that matter..

What’s the last shocking thing you’ve seen or heard?
cant rem... too numb .. sorry...

Would you rather have love but no money or money but no love?
i don understd why love n money are always compared.. why is it tuff to have both.. love's a freaking pickpocket thief or wat! Fine i wud like to go for a lot of love and my CC to express it!

Now you answer.. tagging...
Psychedelic
mysoor pak conversations
Cockroach in Cocktail
It Belongs To Man To Err!!!
anoobhooti
The Multi Menon Chronicle
My little girl

Brilliant Blog... it is! or is it??

anoobhooti awarded me with this prestigious award 'Brilliant Weblog 2008'! As much as you kno how much i love being appreciated :D .. u shud kno how thrilled i am to receive this.. well yea this is the first ever award for my blog.. n i can almost feel accepted in the blogging community already :) i hope to get much more recognition and fame .. n receive more awards.. n yea i better cut the crap b4 you all decide to boycott my blog for good.

SHUT UP!

thanks a lot renu.. i never thought this day will come in my life :P
But on a serious note, i am so honored to be recalled as 'a modern educated girl with Indian values' .. well if thats the impression my blog has been giving to my readers.. well she sure does deserve this award! (for portraying me in to something likable after all :D)

So here it is


and here are the rules:

• When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it,together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
• Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design
• Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog'
• Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize(optional).
• And pass it on!

ok here are my 7 people: (man! does it feel good to give than take :D)

Inexplicably: FIRST READ! i jus jump with excitement wen i c that blog blinking with a new post on my blogroll, call me a sucker for kids, but every word she writes bout her kid melts me.. almost literally.. n the thing is . it does everytime.. its her WORDS and of course her love!

niya's world: ABSOLUTE entertainment, can u imagine a blog being updated every few minutes? I can be sure of reading a NEW post on my favourite subject (ofcourse food, restaurants and shopping) everytime i feel bored at work, i jus need to click on her blog. Yes, my blog design has tips from urs.. lota stolen widgets too :D

anoobhooti: MUST READ everyday ..a new topic.. a new thought.. my blogging buddy who i can be sure to see on my blog everyday :) motivation it is by itself, she knows how to appreciate.. she makes blogging feel like family, bringing people together.

Psychedelic: MISS YA..since she started writing on sulekha she is not doing justice to blogspot.. missing ur awesome poems and crazy style in writing ...this is to make u write again and bring glory to blogspot babe.. blog on!

Pettai maami: NAMMA MAAMI! feels nice to read a blog from a sixty something chennai bred.. mami!... wow! how good does it feel to hear her talk ..calls herself a consultant for confused tambrahms.. GREAT style of writing.. unique and feels home to read her language.. chennai it is! Chop chop!you game for nuts?

WisTfuLLy YoUrS!!!: WOWIFIED wen i first saw this blog of my friend from college.. never knew she cud write THIS good.. used to be my regular read.. plz come bak to blogosphere.. PLEASEEEEE! Been long since i had a good read from a next-gen women, little short of watching sex and the city... you got ATTITUDE babe!

Oodles of Doodles.........: NEW KID (atleast on my blogroll) block.. i wud die to paint/sketch like her .. a very different blog on my list.. which speaks through visuals than lengthy conversations.. i love artistics... for the simple reason that i can never be them :( ..i cant even write a legible sentence for god's sake.. hmm so yea... always geta crush on em instantly .. ahem.. no! i really dono her yet :)

alrite m done with 7 i guess.. there are so many more blogs i read regularly everyday (chek my blogroll).. m so sorry i have to stop with 7 :(.. anyway being on my blogroll is an honor in itself aint it :P... anyways fella awardees .. u'all owe me a treat for this 'favor' ;) ... Party Time!

Chennai's very-own 'forum'!

One more week of writing and writing and writing is coming to an end .. well not exactly.. but yea in a few days .. but I wud like to stay positive… my days of browsing food and event sites/blogs relating to Chennai are here again (last days of the week wen m absolutely jobless) This time again I found a useful and very entertaining site http://chennaiforums.com/ a must visit if you are a Chennai fanatic!

Looks like a newbie, but its already grabbing a lot of attention from our fella chennaites! Wow! Wat more to make me happy and keep me occupied the whole day.. well u guessed it rite they have a section on food and restaurant too :D but don judge me so soon.. I jus read up on the Chennai electricity issue that we are all facing..boo the power cuts! I am the last person who reads current affairs but wen told in an entertaining way,, yes I take it in too :D.. n y not wen its bout chennaipatnum… but m planning a lot of contribution in the food arena which I do have some knowledge on as far as my favourite city is concerned… I hope to c a lot of Chennai fanatics in this forum and make friends and discuss a lot of local topics.. u kno its my fav topic to debate on.. nothing better! n of course get to kno the latest events and happenings in here.. they got it listed rite from vinayaka chathurthi puja places to ladies night in clubs tonight..its like experiencing the entire city breathing it in .. with all the love for it.. suck it in.. I mean suck into it.. hmm errrrr … forget it!

There is this search dropdown menu to browse further on topic of ur interest.. u name it .. this moment m reading on how to take good care of the hair! Hmm.. ok next…

Wow! Tomo’s weather says 32degree c …ok i ll stop showing off here!

Do u enjoy reading the Friday issue newspapers just like me? Its one day I never forget to pick up the paper as soon as I wake up.. this site almost feels like it.. a Friday paper everyday! And even better its interactive .. oopsie I am writing too much bout this site today? Chennai needed something like this and m happy someone has actually initiated this idea.. I hope this becomes a great success.. and we have a lot of fun (at work of course!) in here! A home to meet neighbors and talk about common issues and public secrets! Y am I sooo exciteddd.. !

And for now.. here’s to Chennai!
http://www.chennaiforums.com/register.php?referrerid=20
Take a few mins and join the fun guys …

A collection of my work at BM

They made me do it .. i cried .. i begged.. i was shattered against my will.. they made me do it
and here it is...

those were days wen i saw no future, dreaded the word marriage and the dream it brought along.. was as lonely as anyone cud ever b..empty.. lost..heartbroken.. aching.. i did it...!

Not bad eh :P

Wise men say only fools rush in...

BUT Seriously...

A stitch in time saves nine


or


Fake it till u make it?

Push up my bra like that, Porno Paparazzi girl...

Stupid Girl!

yea u got my point! but this post aint about paris hilton or jessica simpson॥ its about our very own Tamizh (zh stressed intentionally) media and the women who are movin way up ahead showcasing their u-kno-wat to the world, since they don have any thing to showcase inside their heads! I have a BIG QUESTION (typed in caps to show BIG :P) what is considered SEXY? wats the meaning of this word? i believe that nothin can be sexy without brains or the attitude factor that can come only from intelligence.. u def cnt stay dumb n sexy! u need to b smart to b sexy..so i think! Sexy is a relative term,.. which def doenst refer to the viewing of the thick material that covers our flesh and organs.. it has a deeper meaning to it than it seems like .. m sure u ll agree..

I dont watch much Indian movies except ofcourse any Rani's movie in Hindi and any Rajni's movie in Tamil॥ I'm not very proficient in this subject hence, but then i kno enough to kno how women have been treated in here, how diff women r treated differently, how some lose respect and fade off along with the glow in their skin and some come out shining as the real stars motivating indian women using media as the rite weapon..

What's happening to the tamil movies these days? We definitely are way ahead of bollywood in makin movies with class and most of the class movies i kno in bollywood are made by brains from TN. Thinkin of it, even the real beauties of bollywood, by which i mean 'beauties' and not 'skin-shows' are from the south. We have no neccsity to compete with bollywood's cheap attempts to sell, as they say in bollywood only Sex and Shah rukh sells. I do like glamor, i drool over sexy heroines..where the character calls for nudity i agree even that aint wrong.. but wat is the need of bringing in this unneccesary soft (?) porn into movies to sell em? its kinda tough on women.. n children.. who are fed this content without a choice. I go to watch a movie of a superstar i ve been a fan of for 20 yrs and i get fed with sex content without a choice, screwin my mood and day.. n so funny they call it a family movie.. then wat do they have porn movies for these days? .... i wonder how mom's with kids near them felt while watchin this porno shit...

This m talkin bout the recent rajnikanth movie kuselan ofcourse, i cnt imagine m writing a negative review on a hero i used to like as a child n still .. but has he lost confidence on himself? in the last 2 movies hes been using young girls to show skin to sell his movie.. sorry to say but shame on u for being a superstar, talkin bout women liberation, culture, and what not..well ok i already wrote bout shivaji, n how the fair sex was used completely unwanted in it.. but that stopped with glamor.. n since everything was acceptable then it has a gone a step further... well it will go a step further until there r women who can sell themsleves for money n fame r alive..

My words from Shivaji review ...

Anyways shreya or shriya whatever her name is looks beautiful, but cud ve shown her face a lil more and din expect a Rajni movie heroine to wear nothing but inner garments in all the songs twas like watchin a kamal movie or porn I shud say ॥ She cudve atleast worn a blouse for gods sake.. She looks beautiful,.. cudve made use of that .. Hello! Some respect plz!

I am sorry but i cant tell the same adjectives about this female, whose name am thinkin twice b4 i cud enter in my blog, i don want google to list me among some porn sites and cheap filmie sites with vulgar images of this (so-called) female Nayatara. I wud say this 'DUMB BLONDE' of India is a shame on womenhood, moreso on Indian women known for their 'beauty and brains'. What is the need for such a catergory to grow in a intelligent good-looking and talented environment like ours? don let it spread plz... trust me its contagious..

I can c Pink's vision in here!

What happened to the dreams of a girl president

She's dancing in the video next to 50 cent

... well i always thought that country was dumb n the women who are known to be dumb must b even dumber to lose their dignity for fame and set bad examples for the kids who grow up fed on media and nothin else.. its no denying the fact that today media does 90 percent of the parenting.. n it has a responsibility (atleast superstars need to kno how the mass blindly follows)..if she is the 'numero uno' lady of tamil cinema as said by many newspapers and websites.. i wonder wat role women are starting to gain in media..an item girl becomes the lead..or shud i say the lead herself just an item number.. thats all the place women have here.. i've seen heroines come n go as glamour dolls in movies, its ok to flaunt wat u got! but this is the first time m seein an actor being so shameless that she has nothin to talk in the movie, she is not a PERSON in it, she is a dancing glamour doll (who btw has no expressions except attitude on her scarsely visible bland face), well a tree with some curves (and no leaves) cudve done it! Real sucess is attracting men n women n children alike .. like many beautiful sexy looking 'talented' actors have done before..but nowhere have i seen a gal meddle around with her assets on the camera for whole minutes.. after sometime it gets boring even to the drooling men since.. there is no surprise nemore.. nothing stimulating ....nothin new .. nothin mysterious

I don't blame men at all! Until u've no respect for urself... dont expect anything in return.. sadly this affects the image of woman (atleast of that region) and their values cos media is wat shows all the world who we are.. but these ppl who represent us, let us down.. showing us the rong way.. don u c ur power and responsibility dumb gal? if u think ur showin lifestyle .. well try again .. ur showin desperation ... there is something called respect.. u can earn money and fame (def in many other ways, unless u ve nothin to prove like u obv do).. u cant earn respect again.. ur a human being.. not a thing made of flesh n skin.. wake up! Oh can we plz categorize these kinda creatures as something like hmm lets say ..non-women or mayb non-human (incase if guys feel ashamed to call such ppl part of their clan too)?

Mirror on the wall, damn I sure look fine

I can't blame those horny boys, I would make me mine

When I pass you in a club, "Ooh, lala!" you gasp

Back up boy, I ain't your toy, or your piece of ass

Cuz this body is a priceless piece of lovin' unconditionally

So, Mr। Big-stuff, who you think you are?

You was thinkin' you'r gonna get it for free

Hey ladies, let 'em know it ain't easy

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Now that's flaunting, that's attitude... that's sexy!

Disclaimer: This is totally Pink's and my opinion ... n does not necessary have to b right or rong!

PS: GUYS strictly no droolin over cheap shit in my comments ॥ don't we have a class?

There's a poll on what you want me to write on .. Do Vote!

Back to Back.. n m Back

Tagged by Pointblank .. so here is one more list of unwanted info bout me .. bak to bak!

I am: Swarna?.. i kno my sense of humor sucks.. on a serious note.. i am everything that you want me to be to u with a strong urge in me to be myself at the same time..i kno that makes a lota sense.. y is that i start writing paragraphs for one word questions!

I think: Without a fraction of a second of rest, but absolutely nothing productive. (I also think i can write :D)

I know: that one day we'll be dead and gone.. n we r fiting with life for nothing today.

I want: peace of mind..other than which my heart has been trained very well to not want anything in life .. peace of mind is an exception since its illusionary & elusive.

I have: MY MOM

I wish: everybody's pain is mine and let it end with me...

I hate: used to hate liars.. now kinda used to it.. i still cant stand disrespect, hypocricy and narrowmindness

I miss: gosh! that's everything i do these days, miss my college days most, the year 2004!, the rosy days of romance, the days wen i ran my own home, most of all wen i had a life :)

I fear: the unknown.. if i kno u, u can get away with murder, if ur not open to me, insecurity n fear clouds my head

I feel: lonely unloved empty unwanted .. and some balloons in ma head ... and hands...

I hear: right now the freakin voices in my head that talk for and against him!

I smell: hostility- vacuum - death

I crave: a single loving touch

I search: for the lost child in me who had dreams and desires.. for a reason to live

I wonder: how long do i need to keep existing?

I regret: everytime i hurt my loved ones .. everytime i lose my respect n give up my ideals .. everytime i fall in love and act like a loser .. everytime .. everytime.. actually everytime ..

I love: KIDS

I ache: wen my love aint recognised or appreciated

I am not: mediocre... average... normal

I dance: at the happiest moments of my life .. cant rem doing it in last few yrs :( soemthing i ll miss for life ...

I sing: with very very few ppl i have been happy n comfy with u .. otherwise only with my bike :)

I cry: for stupid reasons like a mosquito bite wen m down but not even for life threatening incidents wen m strong ....

I don't always: listen to myself

I write: yea i write ... so wat now?

I win: m not in the race

I lose: everything

I never: trust wholeheartedly... it takes a LOT to make me trust.. but if i do .. then i DO

I always: keep searching for IT ...

I confuse: i write

I listen: to empty spaces and the echo of the emptiness .. to beautifully expressed dark poetry in songs.. lyrics that speak my life.. my mind..

I can usually be found: on the internet, if not then on the internet..if not.. mayb m nomore :O

I need: to feel needed/wanted... a reason to survive.. someone by my side.. quite literally.. someone to pamper me.. Mayb m doin the tag in a rong mood, do i sound pathetic and desperate? Uff i changed this answer 10 times in the last 5 mins.. proves i dono wat i need

I am happy about: my life being eventful n chaotic and not bland n borin ..

I imagine: u wasting ur time sitting n reading this crap ... go get a life now...

I would like to tag:
anyone who is reading this and is super bored like me .. n believes there r ppl who r even more jobless to sit n read nonsense bout them..

PS: Plz VOTE in the poll.. i ve added many widgets for engaging you while surfing my site.. wud like to know what you think of it..

The Quirky Tag

anoobhooti tagged me!

The Rules are as follows..
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs, letting them know that they have been tagged.

wow wow! Dont i just love talking bout myself and the quirky me! ..that sums up me as such being quirky.. hmm can i stop here? :D cos i really cant think of nething worth putting down here.. well now that i added my new feedjit widget and i got to know that my readers are not jus the few friends i know who leave comments, i c ppl from Trichirapalli to Jamaica :) so i better maintain my decorum and not get too personal (read shitty).. naa who gives a damn!

if u really ready for more read on..but promise me u ll save it in ur short term memory n forget it wen u leave this page

1. ahh i got a block! trust me i thought for 2 whole days about what quirky traits i got n now when m asked to write i cant, mayb thats one point to be noted, i cnt work under pressure, i will not do something wen m forced or m required to do, i cant even sleep if m forced to, i can only work/play/sleep/shit at will!

2. i try not to hurt neone. i cant confront, i smile wen m hurt badly, wen someone's unfair to me, cant say no to nething, end up being a loser. but i cant ride without cursing, and make sure i hurt ppl who really mean a lot to me for reasons that noone can comprehend including me..

3. i cannot stand self-image damage, 2 things that can make or break my relationship with u is ur opinion on my words and my looks :) i kno thats more stupid than quirky :D

4. i love bad things happening to me, note 'things that affect only me'! like say, i long to get fever, everytime i get some pain i jus hope its some life threatening disease n get toally disappointed if its not :( i love to be depressed, n it gives me so much happiness :P

5. highy impulsive in everything, tooo fast in doin my work, MULTITASKING is a must, lets say there are 12 windows open rite now.. n now actually feelin bored :( i get restless if m idle for a min .. n however busy i am .. everybody knows the only word i wud say is gosh m bored! even in food, i cant eat just one item, or the same thing twice! Well Variety is the spice of life, u kno :P

6. Oh this is kinda my weakness i cnt go in elevators cnt use public toilets cant stay alone in a closed dark room.. guess wat i ve climbed 14 floors for the fear of elevator and i don need to tell ya what i do wen m traveling :P

yay! i reached 6! Actually now i can think of a lot more .. but naa m not gonna let u kno!

Am tagging to know the quirky side of
good bad and the ugly
niya's world
BeTwEeN tHe LiNeS
Semi-Charmed Life!
Cockroach in Cocktail
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Good luck! Make ur confessions!