rEbOrN 2 lIvE tHiS dEatH aGaiN?

Watch this space........ till i get some words in my half baked empty head to put down here .... from my broken rotten so-called heart

Some personality tests!! Look at wat they callin me :>

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid 58% Schizoid 42% Schizotypal 66% Antisocial 50% Borderline 74% Histrionic 82% Narcissistic 70% Avoidant 38% Dependent 50% Obsessive-Compulsive 26%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (64%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (12%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

BLOGIVERSARY

Confession! i really don like my title!This is my 50Th POST and wanted it to be special. i never think b4 i write as u all kno very well u've been readin all the crap on my head for the last one year!!!!!!! YES it is a coincidence this happens to be the day i started my blog last year AUG 5th 2006! Well first person i can think of is 'the Skeleton crew' if not for u man! i never knew wat a blog is or how to build it tech guru thanks not only for helpin me ... but motivatin me to write again to be myself again wen i almost thought i wud never!

Miss. BLIND whole lota thanks and LOVE to u babe without ur encouragement and words that said 'its ur blog u write wat u want' and ur 'fuk u better write more' attitude wen i gave up in between thinkin i cant write for nuts... ur the best sweet heart muah! VJ ....u ve been here all along from day1! to comment motivate and probably max hits on my blog is from u! esp givin honest comments and not just fake 'yea its great' for everything... u told me directly wen was actin dumb u told me wen i wrote good... my perfect critic! Luci-fer! or s8ntO (however u spell it) loves to lol at my most depressin blogs ..well but he makes sure he comments! and makes the topic feel lighter... thats really a great effort! thanks man! plz continue! don mind my impulsive frustrated replies.. n they don mean a thing! always liked ur comments! keep m comin!

Mr,B ! avatar da t a, wat can i say! on and off stormy we r .. but one thing we kno is this blog will bring us bak .. i ll b sure to c ur comment everyday! sometimes anonymous sometimes in diff avtars... hey u ve become a great writer i seriously think u shud start a blog! Sriram...asshole... always mocks me .. but was great inspiration (tho negative) for me to write about things i ve never sat n thought about .. well now as hes been a nice guy for sometime ..my stupid best friend... asked me to earn thro ad sense! well yea take the whole share not a penny i got yet! thanks da machan .. i kno i always take it down on u ... just that ur too close to say thanks ... feels odd! n hey rem its called POST not BLOG ok?

My frost friends esp Rums babe and mr.AA tho came in late in my blog's life have encouraged me lots to write esp AA, come on hes the biggest fan i ve ever had, can make me feel like a queen wen m in depth of hell!Appreciate it man! ;) but all my frost friends my baby sneha always told me not to lose hope and that m a gr8 writer! nice but dono if its really true tho.. Pointblack, very recent, but everyday visitor.. plz keep commentin babe ur an awesome writer i need ur reviews! Ravi? Where r u? used to comment a lot! not findin u anywhere.. u got an active blog was an inspiration to me wen i first started!

oh yea how can i forget all the anonymous people who jus come in once in a while and write and vanish without a name! that reminds me of orkut! (now u kno i actually don miss it! dont ya?) helped me get a lota hits and comments not anymore tho but a very good start...well orkut is a crazy world... and my orkut mates Prasanna and Arun where are u these days! start commentin again .. cant lose it just cos m not on orkut nemore! and last but not least.... BUSY PEOPLE who don have time to chek my blog and dono to fill in their name wen they post a comment (or don have time/interest to read and write on my blog)... thanks a lot .. 'your BLOG is a KIller' is a line that will stay on my mind till my last breath! PS: I hate the title still.. i used it dumb f***!

Now if i left anyone out forgive me ... i ve never thought so much b4 i wrote something and i wanted this to be a short post hehe! ok i am gonna finish! i really wanna thank my BLOG for helpin me get over so many things, relationships, open my mind, let out frustrations, show all my anxiety insecurity, trash it, bash it, screw it, fuk it, keep me occupied wen m empty and bored, open up without feelin guilty or afraid of being judged... it took everything for a year, helped me free my mind, atleast a little. A friend i can lean on anytime! Rems me i can write after all (although with a lots of errors!) and made me take up my lost career from scratch again! ....... Long live SANSMERCI!

THIS IS MY 50TH POST 365TH DAY AND I VE REACHED 5000 HITS and hows my renovation? i ve worked on it for the last 3 days learnin html from google with noone else's help! Can you believe it? Hope u can c the black blue green comby! an animated splash hit counter showin hits till now and hits on the specific day, a google searh box with an option to search my blog to find posts if you wanna kno my idea about somethin! Added some quotes here and there and made it look shud i say 'less depressin?' for a change! I still have a feeling i forgot to write about something! hmm ॥ hmm .. Hows my pic? n completed profile ;) Hey how bout ading polls? any suggestions?

Lets c ! Hope i live to c 2nd yr anniversary and be able to write till then but guys.............

Sansmerci will live on forever... cos she never actually existed!

MUST WRITE COMMENTS!

Found this in someone's blog u too try it on urs!

HAVE YOU EVER.......

Smoked a cigarette?: Well .. do you breathe?

Crashed a friend's car?: Not exactly but have been the reason for the crash or so he says!

Been in love?: More than my share of pain i deserve ... one too many times truly madly deeply hurt in love

Shoplifted?: Many times wen i was a kid! it was my hobby .. swear not anymore .. i swear!

Sneaked out of your parent's house?: I bang the door and walk out sayin i ll never return atleast once a month .. and 'sneak in' in few hours

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?: Not exactly ... but yea depends on 'the feeling'

Gone on a blind date?: I stopped remembering dates..

Skipped school?: Yes always and i skip office too!!

Been on a plane?: Yea but been months since i ve been on a bus ...

Seen someone die?: Seen death! seen someone 'dying'! seen my most loved one ‘dead’! but never seen someone die!

Purposely set a part of yourself on fire?: Tried .... in vain as usual

Been jet-skiing?: I will NEVER!

Met someone in person from the Internet?: Almost all my friends

Taken pain killers?: Million times .. they kill no PAIN!

Flown a kite?: Tried to once wen i was a kid ... then my bro rem me am a loser never tried again

Built a sand castle?: Yea wen i was a kid .. wen I cud hang out in undies in Marina beach

Gone puddle jumping?: Does walking counts? i do it everyday!

Cheated while playing a game?: Cant rem.. don think so .. i believe in honesty ;)

Been lonely?: Wrong question! Rephrase: Ever been not lonely? NOPE!

Fallen asleep at work or school/college?: First let me learn to sleep at nite!

Used a fake ID?: ID no ... who can replace my pretty face? ;) trust me i never fake it :D

Felt an earthquake?: Yes! that too when I had a back bone injury! poor me

Touched a snake?: I wud die at the first site of it … so I haven’t seen one till now

Slept beneath the stars?: Lied/sat/watched ... not slept .. that word is off my dictionary

Been robbed?: cant think of any .. am too smart!

Been misunderstood? Yes always and vice versa

Won a contest?: A few in school .. other than that in writing yea

Run a red light/stop sign?: Yea lotsa times I don give a damn to them (unless there are bigger vehicles around)

Been suspended from school?: No i was a good gal back then.

Been in a car accident?: yea yea ... more of bikes but car too yea ;) am too accident prone

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night?: Not an Ice cream person packets of potato chips feeling guilty will be my thing

Walked the streets drunk?: You are not supposed to drink and drive rite?

Had déjà vu?: often … nostalgic very very often!

Danced in the moonlight?: Artificial mayb [L] don rem .. yet to meet sucha romantic guy .. lost hope too .. boo hoo

Witnessed a crime?: Define crime ...

Been lost?: Ok u kno wat m gonna say! Lost and empty is wat I am always! So physically NO mentally YES!

Been on the opposite side of the country?: NEVER! Not very interested cant put up with their language and attitude .. still wanna c some important spots mayb someday in life!

Swum in the ocean?: I cant swim above 3 feet or shud I say below 3 feet! But I ve got close to getting drowned in the ocean more than once… no no I was sane … I think so..

Cried yourself to sleep?: Cried to myself yea .. what’s sleep?

Played cops and robbers?: I always play the cop wen I was a kid …what a dramatic change!

Recently colored with crayons?: Not used a pen for long … only keyboard!

Sung karaoke?: NO but I wish … wen noones there … I wanna sing IRIS someday on the mic :D .. stop giggling jackasses! I don think goo goo dolls wud mind!

Paid for a meal with only coins?: hmm.. don rem meals.. mayb in some other stores .. I rem givin a cheque for 1.25 dols once hehe

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?: ALWAYS!

Made prank phone calls?: Well I made a guy propose t0 me on a prank call within 10 mins of conversation .. wat do u think? I was a Pro .. miss those days!

Caught a snow flake on your tongue?: 21 years I wanted to c snow and when I felt it I had nuff .. tongue? :O plzzzzzzzzzzz

Written a letter to Santa Claus?: Never … maybe I shudve .. noone told me bout it..played chrisma chrischild tho many times!

Blown bubbles?: I cant [L]… no pervert I am talking about balloons or bubbles .. watever..!!

Bonfire on the beach?: Nooooooooooooo, now this questionnaire is tryin to make me cry.. wanna do it once atleast that too with a fun crowd !

Cheated on a test?: helped ppl cheat … too lazy to ask for help wen I dono something

Gone skinny-dipping in a pool?: ;;)

I kno sounds like some kids' rhymes!

You ask me to stay and u run away
You ask me to smile and u slap my face
You want me to wait while u fool around
You need me to lean but am never heard
Came running for you and u leave my hand
While I die here alone you have a ball
Am rotting in my grave with nothing else to lose
Sick and tired, I cant breathe I fall
Heart broken death though my dreams were few
You blame me today cos I gave up on you!

(Dedicated to all the guys IN my life .... how often do i have to remind myself i am not a bloody DOORMAT!)

about:blank

i dono wat to write about but my head is so empt n idle i need to do somethin b4 i run outa here like a mad bych. i wud rather be takin rest at home which is equally sick!

how can i run outa everywhere how can i reach nowhere where do i find what i want wen i dono wat it is, i look at the traffic n i wonder where is everybody goin, where do i belong what the heck is wrong with me .. m hurt from head to toe ... havent i had nuff yet? somebody get me outa this ... m sittin here countin minutes .. i ve been doi this for last 1 yr.. nothin has changed except place and time... so its just me where ever i am .. doesnt matter ... i don wanna stop writing this post cos i dono wat to do next.. but i kno slowly i ll get rid of this too.. or it ll get rid of me ... i think its begining to already aint it? ... i have to count 200 min b4 i get home n start counting again ...

i ve lost everything/everyone in my life i realize it slowly, no it hits me hard only now... m gettin blanker n blanker.. m useless and empty.. maybe i shud start believing in next birth n just give up. somebody push the button.. thats all it needs! (Fullstop)

I don need no pleasure m sansmerci WAT SAY ;)

3 in 1 Movie Review!!!!!!!!!!

Ok! Back again .. No no m not missing orkut .. m jus missing work at work .. if u kno wat i mean
Wat i been upto .. i met with an accident sittin at home totally fucked .. well nothin new .. i can c that smile on ur face .. n yea make it broader cos mine is broader than urs ,.. m so happy hurt everywhere .. after all how ll u kno my pain if i don wear it on my body .. ok ok lemme cut the crap n start my work sorry post for the day ..

i saw 3 movies in a row n m gonna write bout each of them ... its funny how it screws ur head wen u watch 3 completely diff kinda movies in a row.. one inspiring .. one depressing and one pakka masala ... yea a post like this!!

I truly from my heart recommend all of you to watch this movie ‘Dead Poets Society’, esp some ppl who I don wanna name here but sure will read my blog who deserves some inspiration (stuck in the world of just 'world' n nothin else.. m sure u din get it!). Its about art love romance and everything that your heart longs for, I could even include death if I have the passion for it .. its so inspiring to do what you want to, 'seize the moment' … to break the rules and look at the world from a different angle, I ve already written about stereotyping so don wanna repeat it here, it cost me a job, my first job and a bunch of friends, I miss everyday! Oh m deviating from the topic .. yea the movie is for every business school bred corporate world maniacs who need to c the world find peace in beauty of rain (my own build up) or just love life as it is n not make it tough and stereotyped! I dono current affairs I don follow the corporate world I don wanna make money I have my own little world my poetry kids writing love rain pain death or whatever but I am what I am you don tell me what am supposed to be …. It’s a typical ‘ we don need no education’ movie! Its inspiring plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust me the next movie m gonna write about is the most depressing ever made or I ve seen in the history of 24 yrs of my life. If a suicidal person (worse than me I mean) watches it, it will push him/her to death. Its ‘Requiem for a Dream’ well the title sounds like the story of my life, doest it? hehe, now don go look for wat Requiem means [;)]. Yea Linkin Park sang it rite ‘In the end it doesn’t even matter’ after all you dream and all you try! I am sure most of you would be googling or searching wikipedia or imdb for the movie, its an underground movie I cudnt get it anywhere, its bout drugs addiction and yea it’s a psycho movie (wen u kno i like it), but if you c it deep nuff it’s a movie about love not just between a guy n a gal, but mother n son, husband n wife, bf gf, the dream u have in every stage of your life, the dream to be a star, to be married, to have kids/grand kids, to live with the one you love and mainly yea to make money and be famous of course! It was like a scare to me that I could be that one day, well my dreams are dead now, but I am in the path … the movie was almost my life exaggerated I could say, I don recommend you to watch it if you are really depressed, but tis a movie everyone shud watch once and throw it out the window, not to be stored in your collection! But shud watch! … or maybe not but I loved it esp the background score its called ‘summer overture’, it stays in your head for hours after the movie is over … its like a voice in ur head u wanna throw out but cant .. I downloaded it immediately… neways .. got fuked after I watched it I was insane for sometime … so if ur already fuked .. BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well the next movie you shud ve guessed by now was ‘Shivaji’! Full time entertainment masala no logic typical Rajni movie I just loved it for no reason but Rajni and Vivek ofcourse. Tried to whistle as much as I cud tho I cudnt! Anyways shreya or shriya whatever her name is looks beautiful, but cud ve shown her face a lil more and din expect a Rajni movie heroine to wear nothing but inner garments in all the songs twas like watchin a kamal movie or porn I shud say .. She cudve atleast worn a blouse for gods sake.. She looks beautiful,.. cudve made use of that .. Hello! Some respect plz! Neways .. I shud say Rajni din touch her much … Rajni is Rajni.. or so I think ..Neways who cares .. din like the music I dono AR Rehman has come down in his standards… But had nice fun as such super masala entertainment!!!!!! Must watch for all Tamilians at least cos it featured in UK top 10 Box office in first week i guess and the highest budget for any movie taken in India or something and has a lot more of records..or atleast for all the hype created... not pretty much evident in the movie tho! Watch it for Thala’s sake.. He looks 20 yrs younger .. I cant believe .. he looks like he used to in those days when he used to act with Ambika Radha kinds I guess 80s, wen I was born .. boo .. awesome .. Money is money ..can do anythin .....ahhhhhhh … Not really!!

MS Word is spittin on me with too many reds n greens m too bored to correct them, that’s what I do at work … this is my space i do what i want (inspired by Dead Poets Societ ;)) isn’t this a long post? Co'mon u have to put up with me .. its jus 11 45 n I have no work till 1 and nothing after lunch either .. I wonder if they gonna pay me at all .. heard they r hiring 2 more copy writers! Ahem for wat??????????? More blogs to read hurray!!

Y no comments on my previous post [:(] and this is the only way i keep in touch online or say with friends as such .. so visit often 'request more comments' too ...

some crap quiz try it if ur as bored as me

You Should Rule Venus

Venus is a mysterious, stormy planet - shrouded in a thick layer of clouds. You are perfect to rule Venus, because you are quite emotional and volatile yourself. Your emotions change as rapidly as the weather on Venus, and both you and the planet are incomprehensible to others. While you are not a logical thinker, you are quite empathetic. You can care for and understand others, but your emotions swirl too quickly to truly understand yourself. http://www.blogthings.com/whatplanetshouldyourulequiz/

whachamacallit?

i was thinkin of a lota things to write about .. dono which one to give priority! i can make it many posts to make my blog pop or i can jus write crap in here rite now to spend the next 30 mins sittin in office ...

Ok i choose the second option.. since i don wanna go mad! i had so much idle time u wont believe i wud go to extent of killin myself jus bcos m bored n have nothin to do! trust me on this! i wudnt mind sittin n hittin myself to pass time ... idle mind is devils workshop and in my case... i turn into the devil!

probably last 2 yrs of idleness has turned me into this creature i am today, i will tell u a secret... i had WORK! for the last 3 days tooo much work tht i cudnt handle i felt so wanted needed loved(dono y really) and i actually din have time to think about if m loved or wanted or if i have a life or what m gonna do with it etc like i usually do, i rem sittin n countin seconds in grocery stores n jewelery stores where i had nothin to do ... maybe thats wat screwed my mind slowly into emptiness .. not to blame it .. it was experience which noone had n i loved it as much as m lovin work now i would rather say ' lived my life' n m happy about it ... i kno nothin lasts forever i dono if tomo i ll feel this way or if ll have work to do or even have a job .. anyone can throw me outa anything anytime n m used to getin over things people jobs and life! yea i finished all my work at 5 n for the last 30 mins i ve been feelin bored as hell n i ve been thinkin of ways to kill myself hehe .. wat a crazy bych eh?

Anther thing wanted to write about was emotional blackmailin, well its been goin around me a lot these days. gfs blackmailin bfs, vice versa, brothers sisters, moms sons daughters, whats this thing that holds us to someone emotionally that we do something jus bcos they don hurt themselves! its too much! its like i ll do this to myself if u dont do that, n hey that person does it cos they love u obv, (otherwise emotional blackmailin def wudnt work, so love does exist eh?) anyways this been a big torture in my life ... wat do u suggest ... is it better to fall for it or just let go? (Secret: yes i am a big time emotional blackmailer but wen it comes to me or my friends ... boooooooo i dono wat to do or advice them to do) m in a real fix now i tell u! how about blackmail bak ??? yea thats wat i do ...shud i add talking about dependency here .. yes i get crazily depend on ppl .. till they get sick of me .. n i kno that or imagine that they are sick of me.. which makes me more depend on them .. its a vicious circle .. is there a way outa it? .. uff uff !! head breakin ... i don wanna think bout this nemore!

what else what else its jus 10 mins ... no m not gonna write for the next 20 mins n bug ya.. lotsa things happenin in my life i ve been away from everyone of my friends! probably this is the only way they r getiin to kno bout my life .. i dono how long its gonna last, but m lovin this loneliness, mayb its for good or bad , m jus goin with it , maybe i ll regret it someday! but m jus doin watever my head says! n a lota tabs tabs tabs n hospital etc etc,. long time since i answered yeah m fine for a how r u .. neways .. who cares wen u don talk to ppl nemore! hey wait can u believe that i left orkut? i del my 15000 scraps(hearbreak) n 150 friends and 150 communities hehe .. yea but the account will b del by orkut soon i guess m trying .. nways i need comments on that friends plz .. did u ever think? i was addicted like a nut? lived on it? now u wonderin if m living? maybe i shud write a separate post on 'life without orkut' if m inspired to do so .. somehow i don miss it much! so i ve proved that i do i have a real life.. or maybe not ... watch out for that post soon .. or maybe not .. ok forget it!

Alrite! thats it for now .. hey i forgot i read God Debris by Scott Adams (Author of Dilbert) i loved it .. i 'READ' somethin after a long time i thought i lost that patience long long back ... i really recommend all of u to read it .. i actually posted it here n it was too long for a blog .. neways m done m done! no more talking i mean typing! mayb this is my first random post in my blog so wat shud i name this? shall i call it whachamacallit? i like the concept from a chocolate..ok now 15 mins more m loggin off .. i better have some work from tomo ... or .....