Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Knowing you is loving you and its been a decade since.

I didnt know what that phrase meant until I met you. I cant think of one person who cant like you knowing you (and i really do envy you for that!). And to know am the luckiest one who gets to be with u every min of every day of my life, there cant be a better life than this. This ode (ok random ramblings i mean) i write today might come as a surprise cos all i ever told you was your loving is never enough,well it is not that easy to keep a love-greedy drama queen for so long i say!

Its funny they say you have been my 'husband' since 5 yrs now, little do they know its the most insignificant part of our relationship. I have seen u thro the ten yrs I have known you... from a common friend, a net buddy. an obsessive crush, a roommate, a boyfriend and an ex boyfriend (not to mention an awesome side ka :P)! And the best one I have seen in any of those roles. Hmm okay lets say thats what i feel wen i look at the whole picture now... and thats all that matters...a crush that  has lasted a decade..I still can look at u and feel like a lil gal in love for the first time... i can simply hear ur voice and feel home wenever i am lost...I dono how u do it but only u know how to handle me... nobody else can deal with me sometimes, not even me! 

You have filled every missin space in my life at the most crucial times..... a friend, well a best friend, a girl friend, sister, brother, partner in crime...well even a mother (clashin with my amma's role most times!). Now I know what they mean when they say someone is your everything, there were million instances when I have felt I don have anyone, and always, somehow always, its only one person who wud fill it up, sort it out for me. I see its not that easy to play sister to your wife... definitely not! But my life and my normally empty dark and hallow heart filled up to the brim when you filled it up with the father figure i missed all my life... not just some father but the bestest ever dad I could possibly imagine in this entire freaking world if anything a step above that. I think that's wen we really fell in love...or is that what I kept thinkin at every other stage too? Thanks to the lil brat for bringing us closer... for showin us what love actually means...for showin us how much we actually need each other!

Who would believe that a chat window that opened 10 years ago is still open? Well from MSN and Yahoo to Hangout and Whataapp now... but i cant think of one day it stayed closed... and I still keep thinkin I have a million things to say to u :)

Knowing you is loving you. Nobody can deny that. And am so glad I got to know u as early in life and have a life time to love ahead of us....

PS: Just so you know, as against what ur assumng now, no change in our life, big or small, will change this thing I have always told u..... Life = You! You jump, I jump! Period.

Friday, February 03, 2012

If this aint love, then what is???

I havent been feeling very well lately. Seems like am growing another heart inside of me, the doc says. 

The making of my very own sweetheart, my very own piece of art.
Two hearts inside one body, literally. If this aint love, then what is?

I dreamt of a beautiful sugarcake yesterday. So pretty and charming, havent seen anything as lovable and cute in this lifetime. I felt in my heart what you call 'pure joy'... like an atheist who just felt the presence of God and had a revelation, like a person who was fearing death all their life just kept their first step in heaven.... yes there was smoke all over.. there was tears of rainlets... yes m too dramatic.. and loving it... it was like the softest flower.. it felt like a cotton ball.. it was like surreal..that it almost felt like a dream... it smelt like baking butter and it was lying next to me in my bed closer than my own eyes... all mine...that i almost wondered if i deserve it....as typically i would... (he/she has been replaced with 'it' for political reasons :P) 

And in a couple of days I will hear the beating of the little heart inside of me, just thinking of which the pace of mine is racing already. I hope i can hear it clearly, amidst the loud noise my heartbeats would be making. I hope i can record it in my mind forever and play it back whenever i feel low ever again.....

There was always something missing in my life ... y'all probably heard it million times.. my ever-so-sad stories.. i have always missed the romance how much ever abundance i get it in .. greed, ppl have for money.. i have for love.. the more i have the more i want... call it a hollywood romm-comm overdose i definitely have had more than a fair share of my u-don-make-me-feel-like-the-most-beautiful-woman-u-met-so-i-don-feel-special fights... n still won get enough.. but now.. i already feel it .. probably already confident that this stage in life that am entering into is going to be my best.. and most complete .. as there is nothin missin in it already... its filled with love and passion n finally i myself feel am getting more than enough.. i guess this sugarcake inside is my lucky charm.. n has already taught me a lesson about love. No its definitely not what i was missing all these days.. it is actually wat i was missing to note all these days... as much as i wud hate to accept it...

...this lil baking butter has the best dad in the world no doubt about it, so the mom now has tough competition to keep up to!!

Bring it on baby!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Will never be ALONE again!

Of sunshines and early mornings

Of late night movies and long musical drives

Of love unspoken but still understood

Of hearts that beat as one, well it’s more than just two

And is born inside of me already that which will never leave until I do

And made changes in me already that which no one until could

And now I know how it feels to be beautiful inside

And now I know how vital this thing -

this thing I never cared for - called life!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

I will love you merci!

I don't make resolutions. I am not the type to discipline myself or anyone else for that matter. Yes I am proud of what I just said and you can stop reading here if you think that's lame. Well, for the others, where was i? yeah I don't think any sane grown up in the world would think a new yr will change their existing life, but yes we have been taught to start afresh once in a while so we have a 'chance' on anything that we actually deserve to. And what better day to start afresh than the first of January rite. Well if time is manmade, so is months and years but so are problems and solutions, resolutions.

Alrite, I should agree 31st dec night is one of those days in the year when i get all hyper and want to party and celebrate, frankly, i just need a reason. There is so much in me that I wanna change that I think if I dont decide to then i could never love myself ever again, not that I ever did, am still trying. So this year I have decided to stop thinking of the partying for a change and think of how to fix my broken self image in such a way that I would start loving myself and then I would probably have a chance at having a real life sometime in the future new years to come. I am not suggesting that I am going to take a resolution, I did almost closely once in 2008 if u rem the post I did few months before my wedding and 2009 was an amazing year i should say.

Frankly, I am planning another phoenix style start-from-scratch again this year, yet again, yet again, yes. I have decided to listen to my head and my heart, or at least one of them and give myself a chance at being someone I approve of. As easy as it might sound, it is the most difficult thing i can think of now. Self-control and self-love are two things I can never buy or sell. So this year instead of crying of split milk that nobody loves me, my resolution is to love myself and for that, act in a way that I would fall for myself and most of all, stop spending my entire life worrying if anyone else does. Wish me good luck :D

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Its impossible to not social(media)ize a single line

After a complete 2 yr break, after writing nothing but website content,  social media messages, food reviews and marketing lies info, *yawn* you find a freestyle writer use punctuations and gramatically right English here, with no spellos or typos? Naaa... altho i absolutely have no idea where to start even wonder if i shud use the same blog or start a fresh new one..i realized my blog needed this break or even more to get outa the i-dono-who-i-am-anymore i-write-for-the-readers way of posting...a killer disease that takes years to cure esp only after the final and lasttt reader of your blog is chased away, you start writing your heart out again.

Its funny how things can break so easily. Destruction is a beautiful thing if you look at it carefully. No am not being my old pessimist self here... well perhaps i am.. but after a prolonged 3-months of chronic stress and reading on god-knows-what-all diseases on earth exist, you are half a doc and a fully blown pessimist. the last time i felt lke blogging strongly i decided not to cos  i din have ne readers left  i din want to write depressed nemore and i don feel like writing when otherwise. and this time i tght, wtf, if thts what i am thats what i am.. wait! i started to write on destructio

frankly i don have ne stuff to write other than such rambling.. the shamlessly bold i-think-outofthebox Merci is lost somewr inside my head... well i do think outside the box n sometimes even get out of it n stand outside the box too..but the urge to write it down n spread the fire... duh... its for those hopeless and dreamy young and energetic people who still dream that they can change the world... b4 they realize the world keeps changing at a pace they cnt even notice nemore...

So as life takes its course...as i shifted from teenagy wtf-was-i-thinking emo blogging to yes-now-am-married recipe blogging... probably my next step should be could be will be a cute lil how-my-baby-pee-d-today family blog like every damn Indian woman who sits at home tapping the laptop all day like me wants to survive in the social media does.. but me being useless and having a boring pathetic life unique and different as always...  my blogs henceforth wud b on things tht interest me.. like old age and medicine  like interesting medical information and my experiences... wisdom gained... and lost... well .... watch out... or nawwwtt...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Honest Scrap Award

Nish was generous enough to give me this award for my recipe blog what's cooking today?

The rules are you post the award and 10 things about you and tag back the blogger who gave you the award. About you can read here, jus scroll down to the tag part and i have almost 15 things bout me in there!

I wud like to pass on the award to wistfully yours, Mysore Pak Conversations, The Praveen, Nautankey and Oodles of Doodles.

Thank you Nish once again!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

C'mon Baby Light My Fire!

Dont be shocked that m posting a blog...n m posting it with my left hand...don mind the typos n spellos (as always)!

When u reach depths, u don ve a choice but the way back up. That’s how I ve started writing again. I thought in fact decided for good that its over my flair to write or my passion for it, its reached saturation, its torn into bits… networking sites with status’ msgs, a let out of thoghts as soon as they start to accumulate, no more do we wrte letters ,. no more do I blog…email killed the letters, IM killed email..FB killed IM.. n yea lately I c buzz is killin FB too…too many thoughts..too many outlets.. its all getting a bit too much to put out a blog post.. no time to write my own diary to say in human terms…no more introspection..nothin can live without passion or depth.. my writing has lost it too.. as with my passion for life and living it…

When life gets mundane..no offence to marriage but as u get older and more settled.. there is no more ‘hunting’. I think as raw human wen we don hunt we don survive..wen theres nothing to seek nothing to look fwd to.. u die internally.. yea I got my desired partner and most desired job.. everything I ever wanted..and then the question arising is as simple as a complicated ‘ok now what???!!!’ no its not the deal and compromises tht come with the decisions I ve made tht scare me infact they make life worth fiting and living for.. after all m not someone who needs an eventless life.. always had an extra eventful life and love it wen I look bak at it.. I don like it smooth..infact i hate mediocrity in any form.. including an average life turns me off.. yes I do long for it ironically many times.. but its life and I ve learnt to take it as it comes..but when everything gets monotonous.. the passion is lost..the light is burning…but there aint no fire…m lost.. empty…unused…

To put it in my foodie terms, I wud equate it to eating the same breakfast everyday.. I wud rather b dead n gone instead.. I am not implying tht variety is the spice of life.. oh on second thghts yes I am but there is a possibility fr variety within means..well lets say u ve decided to eat egg for breakfast all ur life.. ur not gonna break ur promise but learn to eat it in a million ways and explore as well as discover a zillion ways to make it better everyday… now u know wat I mean…lota writers who don’t get a chance or din take a chance to b one professionally due to social and financial reasons envy me.. well.. wat ve I become in the end.. someone who is so absorbed by the monotony of a work that actually, in quite a literal sense, can have a lot more flavor and juice to it but I ve become a dry nut cracking slowly into an empty shell…

Love and hate are the same damn emotions, its jus how u perceive it in ur positive or negative mood..so u can only hate something as much as u love it…the strength of the emotions are usually equal...depends on ur attachment to the subject.. if I can love u this much.. I can hate as much easily...well so I decided I don give a damn if m seeing the glass as half full or half empty, m going bottoms up baby and that’s all I care!

Pushing myself to the edge.. I write … I don’t ve a choice and I will….wen every part of me feels injured physically and mentally.. I feel useless n wasted..like I belong in the trash…m makin my own recipe for a pill..yea the same old I knew..giving it another chance…no matter if I feel disabled nuff to even type… writing…m gonna be writing…left or rite or even with my legs… m gonna be writing…

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

Poker-faced Parasite has come alive again!

Check it out


PS: Content Warning enabled

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Vote for my Chennai Foodie blog


Monday, November 09, 2009

PMS: Myths Busted - The Other Side of the Story

All u ladies in the house, here’s an open question to u

“How do u feel when ur really angry and pissed at something, its breaking ur heart, getting on ur nerves and u feel absolutely helpless and wanna break down, waiting on a regret or at least an explanation from him, if not a make-up act, and all u hear him say is ‘It’ll all be ok soon baby…ur just PMSing and m getting used to it’!”

This is what I have termed as the act of ‘Easy Blame Reversal Syndrome (EBRS)’!

Well yo’all know what am talking about… I can hear the guys sigh as tho it’s the biggest curse that has been brought upon them since the birth of human race…but I feel like its the biggest plot that men have come up with (they probably do have a secret sorority to come up with such stuff on a universal basis)…to fool woman into believing that she and her precious body (which otherwise is worshipped by the same men as the greatest gift to mankind) are the only reason for any pain caused to her and in fact its causing pain to him too.. tho not technically even close to what she goes thro.. his miseries are more talked about than hers..in fact the only recognized pain of hers is that which affects him, if u know what I mean! I wonder in olden days when ppl knew nothing bout how the body worked and how hormones caused mayhem…did they still go thro PMS? I don think so dude! Those times wen she went thro pain.. it was seen as mere pain..and was empathized with..not as a u-don-ve-a-choice-so-stop-whining-n-put-up-with-it pain…

Alright… pre/post menstrual stress do exist upto to some level very much..i agree.. but its completely manipulated by the circumstance.. if u notice it mostly occurs to woman who are surrounded by a lot of men.. rather at least one of them..or lets say the stress is projected into a huge issue only by the men around.. u say it’s a reason woman give all thro the month to justify their bad moods.. I say it’s a reason men give to convince us women that its not him, its ‘her’ who is to blame..and its bcos of her hormones and its problems that she’s this anxious, emotional and angry at this time..well it’s a way to give the woman the blame, let her take it without denials and also blame her later for using it as a tool to get what she wants..well in the first place, if she gets what she wants y the hell is she even stressed? Yes of course she takes a lil advantage of it and use it to her benefit sometimes, thankfully, every coin has two sides.

I hate to call it pre-menstrual stress and keep it gender biased.. if the pain is for both the gender (as the men claim)..I wanna abbreviate it into ‘Production Management System’ if not for reproduction mgt sys.. cos both the parties (along with the hormones) involved in reproduction are causing it and the person takin it of course is the same one who takes the pain of the final output too. Lets see, when he took u out to a beautiful dinner for ur bday last yr..and made u feel like a queen.. u din ve any pms even a day b4 ur chums.. but this yr wen he forgot ur bday or jus din care to buy u even a rose.. ur pms bugs him too much this month… so yea, if ur boyfriend’s cheating on u and u know it, ur pms hits u well in advance.. mayb 2 weeks ahead of wen it shud.. and who cares how much it is bugging u deep inside wen u very well its not just the pms! Well its all in ur body hon and its stupid mechanics.. ur poor bf has to take all this shit from u cos of it.. phew!

Those instances were explained to u from what I have heard from gals.. who have been and are goin thro this treachery… ignorant of the curse they are blamed for, naively acceptin blame believing its in their favor.. sometimes feelin guilty for it too…and what I ve heard from guys who are boyfriends/husbands of such ‘PMS Possessed’ females who are making their lives miserable. I have also seen perfectly happy couples (really?) not knowing what the hell the term even means.

Nevertheless, from my experiences with PMS patients (who are clinically treated for this) and from what the doc suggests and the placebos given to them (that are jus bcomplex and vitamin tabs under a weird name! thanks to google!) I say with all confidence and pride.. it’s a bloody myth.. and its well used and utilized by the society to fool us all into thinking we are being protected.. wen in fact we are being abused in the name of it.. (y not we start treating EBRS too?) Its jus Psychiatry baby! Don be weak.. don blame ‘that time of the month’ nemore for your miseries.. and then u ll see that its jus another physical cycle like u pee or shit.. yes it causes a lot more of pain than the said..wat else do u expect wen life fucks u yet again in the same damn hole...now stand up for ur rite gals…n if he disagrees…tell him he’s jus goin thro ‘EBRS’…fart the shit out back on to his face next time.. and tell me how he reacts, m really curious!

Disclaimer: These are not facts, but my personal opinions based on true stories (plus a little research on google) and a few extracts from my free (unisex) relationship ‘counseling’ sessions offered on gtalk that I will soon start charging for (per hour)!

(And of course forgive the hostile tone…m just feelin a bit aggressive cos m PMSing :D)